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So last Christmas, as a "gift", I got like 10 Toblerone bars. Nice gift, eh? That's okay, at that point, I'd been off plan for a coon's age, so it was no big deal. Since I have a son and visitors and whatnot, I figured I'd put the Toblerone bars away for a day when I could use them or give them out.
Over the weekend, I was laying new floor in my kitchen and painting the walls. It looks great, by the way--warm and sunny and bright! I painted it burnt yellow with dark orange accents. I have a horrible case of spring fever due to all this freezing cold weather we've had since Christmas. I needed warmth and light--and I got it!
While I was moving things around to get ready to paint, I found the Toblerone bars I'd forgotten all about. When you're smack dab in the middle of newly reaffirming your commitment to this WOE, finding 10 cozy little Toblerone and toffee bars can be QUITE an annoying thing. It's like they had little mouths on them saying "eat me! Eat me!" I quietly stifled my inner Fatgirl screaming to be allowed to run free with the Toblerone. My boyfriend (who also low carbs) put them in the cabinet. We keep some illegal food in the house for guests and unexpected company...you know, you don't most people don't appreciate being offered a hunk of meat as a snack.
Then, as I am waiting to start my new career as a stylist on Wednesday, I have a couple days off here around the house. Me and those Toblerone bars. Now, candy and chocolate and sweets are not my downfall--bread is. But simply becase it was a new temptation in the house, I found I had to fight it with new methods. I thought I should just trash them and let it be over with. But there's a big part of me that enjoys challenging myself and pushing myself--sort of a self-imposed tough love I like to give to myself. I think, "Don't be ridiculous. Your MIND is more powerful than any MATTER. You don't need to think of that candy as even being available to you. The second I let a physical object become more powerful than my own resolve, I am building a weaker version of myself than I want to be." Yes, I actually thought that to myself. It comes from the sage advice of a woman I greatly admires. She applied that ideal to quit smoking after 40 years.
So I put it out of my head, had some almonds and gouda cheese and drank as much water as I could hold.
That night, my boyfriend and I are headed to the store to pick up some food for dinner. I told him on the way over, "Ohhhh, I wanted a Toblerone today...." He asked me if I had one. I said that I didn't. He asked why (or how)....and VERY QUICKLY, my knee jerk answer came out: "Because I want to be thinner dammit, and I'm never going to be any thinner if I eat crap like that." The tone of my voice struck me, it really did. It wasn't me moaning about what I can't have or whining or being annoyed by how I had to convince myself not to eat it. It was just this basic logical resolve that surfaced and I heard it in my voice. I don't want it because it makes me fat. Ding. It may not sound like a big revelation to anyone reading this. But to me, it's been awesome. It was me watching my resolve punch it's way out of Fatgirl and become someone different. Sure one day, I'll have a chocolate bar or some candy like that. But being on the road to change, and seding results come out of you that are instinctive...that's is just an awesome feeling.
Just a little rambly post to share my thoughts at the moment. As for now I'm pretty hungry, so I'm going to go and russle up some grub.
Take care!
Over the weekend, I was laying new floor in my kitchen and painting the walls. It looks great, by the way--warm and sunny and bright! I painted it burnt yellow with dark orange accents. I have a horrible case of spring fever due to all this freezing cold weather we've had since Christmas. I needed warmth and light--and I got it!
While I was moving things around to get ready to paint, I found the Toblerone bars I'd forgotten all about. When you're smack dab in the middle of newly reaffirming your commitment to this WOE, finding 10 cozy little Toblerone and toffee bars can be QUITE an annoying thing. It's like they had little mouths on them saying "eat me! Eat me!" I quietly stifled my inner Fatgirl screaming to be allowed to run free with the Toblerone. My boyfriend (who also low carbs) put them in the cabinet. We keep some illegal food in the house for guests and unexpected company...you know, you don't most people don't appreciate being offered a hunk of meat as a snack.
Then, as I am waiting to start my new career as a stylist on Wednesday, I have a couple days off here around the house. Me and those Toblerone bars. Now, candy and chocolate and sweets are not my downfall--bread is. But simply becase it was a new temptation in the house, I found I had to fight it with new methods. I thought I should just trash them and let it be over with. But there's a big part of me that enjoys challenging myself and pushing myself--sort of a self-imposed tough love I like to give to myself. I think, "Don't be ridiculous. Your MIND is more powerful than any MATTER. You don't need to think of that candy as even being available to you. The second I let a physical object become more powerful than my own resolve, I am building a weaker version of myself than I want to be." Yes, I actually thought that to myself. It comes from the sage advice of a woman I greatly admires. She applied that ideal to quit smoking after 40 years.
So I put it out of my head, had some almonds and gouda cheese and drank as much water as I could hold.
That night, my boyfriend and I are headed to the store to pick up some food for dinner. I told him on the way over, "Ohhhh, I wanted a Toblerone today...." He asked me if I had one. I said that I didn't. He asked why (or how)....and VERY QUICKLY, my knee jerk answer came out: "Because I want to be thinner dammit, and I'm never going to be any thinner if I eat crap like that." The tone of my voice struck me, it really did. It wasn't me moaning about what I can't have or whining or being annoyed by how I had to convince myself not to eat it. It was just this basic logical resolve that surfaced and I heard it in my voice. I don't want it because it makes me fat. Ding. It may not sound like a big revelation to anyone reading this. But to me, it's been awesome. It was me watching my resolve punch it's way out of Fatgirl and become someone different. Sure one day, I'll have a chocolate bar or some candy like that. But being on the road to change, and seding results come out of you that are instinctive...that's is just an awesome feeling.
Just a little rambly post to share my thoughts at the moment. As for now I'm pretty hungry, so I'm going to go and russle up some grub.
Take care!
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