really aggrivated

**Babs** · March 27, 2007, 12:24 AM

Re: really aggrivated

Hi. Since We all go by the Dr. Atkins New Diet Revolution (DANDR) on this forum, get him his own copy of it, and he will see that those foods are not allowed on the Atkins' diet. Let him mark it up with notes and high lighting what he see in it. My husband and I are both on Atkins and my husband has lost quicker than me, but that's OK with the both of us. No one can get anyone to change their way of eating except that person. Maybe he will try it and see how well it works. He has to stop eating the chips to do anything with low carb though. Keep going for yourself and don't give that up, and hopefully he will see the results that you are getting and want to join you.

PS You are doing great! Keep up the good work and don't let anything make you stray.

**Scooterjam** · March 27, 2007, 05:20 AM

Re: really aggrivated

Gentlerain,

I am really sorry that your DH is having such a hard time. I know that you love and cherish him and you want the best for him. But the issue is, HE has to want the best for himself. I have read many times where people are upset their spouse isn't living this way, or they won't stick to the 'true' plan. My brother in law is one of these people too. I see how angry my sister gets about it too.

Right now, try and focus on YOU, he'll see how good you're looking and if he wants to keep you, he'll make the change himself. No matter how many people told me I needed to lose weight, until I got into the 'state of mind' it just wasn't going to happen. Another thing, don't you ever worry about writing a 'book' here! That is one of the great things about this board, no one is going to judge you, either way. We're all here to try and help each other, help those who want to be helped so to speak. We may disagree from time to time on simple matters, but we're ready to lend a helping hand or offer a shoulder from time to time to help you stand!!

Maybe ask him to read the DANDR, I don't know if this will help or not, but it surely won't hurt. Try and let him know (without too many negatives) how worried you are about him, and the promises and committments he has made to you and maybe just maybe it'll get through.

Once again, try to keep focused on your journey, it's not selfish, but you can not make someone do this. I'm really sorry to say that.....

Good for you for sticking to your guns though!!!

**frenchfri38** · March 27, 2007, 05:41 AM

Re: really aggrivated

All You Can Really Do Is Lead By Example.... If You Lay Off Him And Just Do Your Own Thing He Is Sure To Follow...he Will See Your Results And May Want That For Himself As Well...this Has To Be His Choice For Him....best Of Luck.....

**MissMel** · March 27, 2007, 05:46 AM

Re: really aggrivated

I agree...its hard NOT to worry about him but you need to focus on you. When I first started to lose weight my husband was insecure about it and resistant to the change. It took a year or so of him watching me struggle but stick with it and I was getting slimmer and he wasn't...it woke him up. He was scared that if I lost my weight that I wouldn't want him anymore so he started to work on himself and eating better.

You can't MAKE him or Guilt him into a lifestyle change anymore than you can get someone to quit an addiction but you can lead by example and pray that he will want the same for himself.

**Jace** · March 27, 2007, 05:56 AM

Re: really aggrivated

I've gone through much the same thing with my aunt who is eating herself into the grave. She's at the point now where she's lucky making it through another day. From that experience, all I can say is that if people aren't willing or ready to change, no amount of begging, pleading, moralizing or tears will make them change. He needs to be ready to do this for himself before he can really be successful. Clearly he's not ready to adopt a new way of eating permanently so he wouldn't be successful on any plan. Once he has that level of commitment then the real work can begin.

Like others have said, focus on yourself and once you've hit your goal it may just kick his butt into gear. You're doing great and have something to be tremendously proud of!

Best of luck and keep up the good work!

~Far la bella figura!

**Sheepie** · March 27, 2007, 06:07 AM

Re: really aggrivated

Would it help to stress what he CAN have as opposed to what he CAN'T have? Gas stations are full of meat snacks and probably there's some cheese there too. I bet he had a big sugary soda to go with it all too! Let him know that water is a better choice and which sodas are okay. My dh is doing really well with Atkins, but I think it's because he can go to his favorite place for lunch and eat chicken wings. Can you give him a bunch of suggestions for when he's not home? You can't make him follow this woe, but maybe you can pave the way a little for him.

**Laceylyn1031** · March 27, 2007, 07:16 AM

Re: really aggrivated

I totally agree with what everyone is saying. You cant bring someone with you that has their heels in the ground fighting. I know its hard to watch him eating like this but you really do need to focus on you. Youre doing this because you want to be thinner/healthier, you made up your mind to change, now he has to make up his. No one can do this for him. It may take some time but he soon will get it. Ive strayed many times because I didnt have my whole heart in it but once I got that mindset that I was going to do this and kick @ss at it...there was nothing that could make me stop! He'll get that soon too. Just try and be happy about your positive changes...it will rub off on him.

**Gentlerain73** · March 27, 2007, 09:27 AM

Re: really aggrivated

Thank You all so much...I really appreciate all the good ideas...and I think I will get him his own book to keep in the car...but this isn't his first time on it and he knows what he can and cannot have...usually he is good about getting a couple of slim jims and a diet coke or plain tea...but he just decided he wanted alot of bad stuff yesterday...I guess I need to just realize all the love in the world won't make him stay on the boat...it just breaks my heart...

I am going to continue to make my stand...and that is really all I can do...hopefully he will see me transformed into a healthy vibrant person and want to join the ranks...

I told him last night, that I will love him forever no matter what...and if he chooses not to do it...that's fine...because I can't make him do it...but I will do what is best for me and the kids... he isn't to bring it home and he is not to feed it to our children...because I am going to continue this WOL and since I am the one who cooks 99% of the meals this is the way we will be eating here...
Thank you all once again...I feel so blessed to have such wonderful support

**heatherm422** · March 27, 2007, 10:07 AM

Re: really aggrivated

You have a very good attitude about the whole situation! Keep doing what you are doing and stay positive! Hopefully, it will rub off on him!

**julirama723** · March 27, 2007, 10:25 AM

Re: really aggrivated

Gentle, keep on plan and keep going strong. I am guessing that leading by example might influence him greatly--he'll see your successes and how great you look and feel, and want to feel the same way.

Also, maybe he just needs to hit bottom. I think all of us here had hit an extremely low point either with health, self-esteem, emotions, etc. and that "ah-ha!" moment is what caused us to change our ways for the better. That low point sucks, but it's like a doorway opening to a healthier future.

As long as you love and support him, that is what will shine through.

**Grant** · March 27, 2007, 10:33 AM

Re: really aggrivated

If it helps it sounds like you are in the same position my wife and I were in a couple of years ago. She decided we wanted to lose weight. I wanted to make her happy so after much persuasion I finally decided to give it a try. Problem was that although mentally I knew I needed to lose weight, I wasn't emotionally ready. Although I did try for a while, and lost some weight, it was mostly for her sake and that just isn't enough when you hit those rough patches and a really big craving kicks in. I felt really bad when I cheated, especially because it upset my wife so much, but I had all sorts of excuses and to make a long story short that diet went away.

It wasn't until another year had past (and I had to go up an extra pant and shirt size) that something inside me changed and I realized that it was time to do something about it. By then my wife actually slacked off on pressuring me and I think that was a good thing because I had time to mentally adjust and look inside myself to find the will power to do what I needed to do. This time rather then finding excuses to eat whatever I wanted I was finding excuses to stay on plan. Once that happened and I started losing weight on my terms I was hooked and have stuck with it since.

I guess my point is that no matter how much he loves you and wants to please you he won't be able to make healthy choices long term unless he is emotionally ready to take care of himself, and that even if he is not ready right now that doesn't mean that he's a lost cause. Sometimes all you need is to give it time.

**magenta** · March 27, 2007, 12:35 PM

Re: really aggrivated

don't give up on him just yet... but do keep focusing on yourself. you can only do so much for someone and if they aren't even meeting you at least half way, it can be a very emotionally, even physically exhausting effort.

keep in mind that once he sees you losing weight and feeling really good about yourself, it might "jumpstart" him to act and fast!

there's a difference between carrying someone and offering support. give him the inspiration but don't carry the burden alone.

i hope this all makes sense.

good luck!

**TexasExJen** · March 27, 2007, 02:28 PM

Re: really aggrivated

You definitely need to continue this WOE for yourself - to become more healthy and happy. Show him by example how this works. As others have said, he will probably see your great results and join in to get the same for himself. That's how my husband did the first time, I had lost 20 or 30 pounds pretty easily, so he just started eating what I was eating and he also lost weight.

I'm very lucky on this second time around that we started together, and he is actually losing faster than I am (of course), but he is so very supportive of me and is now encouraging me. So, keep your chin up, girl, and take care of yourself. We all know that if you follow the plan, you will succeed.

**Gentlerain73** · March 27, 2007, 05:27 PM

Re: really aggrivated

Originally posted by Grant

If it helps it sounds like you are in the same position my wife and I were in a couple of years ago. She decided we wanted to lose weight. I wanted to make her happy so after much persuasion I finally decided to give it a try. Problem was that although mentally I knew I needed to lose weight, I wasn't emotionally ready. Although I did try for a while, and lost some weight, it was mostly for her sake and that just isn't enough when you hit those rough patches and a really big craving kicks in. I felt really bad when I cheated, especially because it upset my wife so much, but I had all sorts of excuses and to make a long story short that diet went away.

It wasn't until another year had past (and I had to go up an extra pant and shirt size) that something inside me changed and I realized that it was time to do something about it. By then my wife actually slacked off on pressuring me and I think that was a good thing because I had time to mentally adjust and look inside myself to find the will power to do what I needed to do. This time rather then finding excuses to eat whatever I wanted I was finding excuses to stay on plan. Once that happened and I started losing weight on my terms I was hooked and have stuck with it since.

I guess my point is that no matter how much he loves you and wants to please you he won't be able to make healthy choices long term unless he is emotionally ready to take care of himself, and that even if he is not ready right now that doesn't mean that he's a lost cause. Sometimes all you need is to give it time.

Grant you are so right...I decided WE wanted to lose weight...Thank you for pointing that out...Thanks for opening my eyes to that...In all honesty I would be the same way if I felt like I was being forced...If my whole heart wasn't into it...it would be so easy to just give up...

Thank You All for the great words of wisdom and support...

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