Gossiping behind my back?

[Kittie]

I can't even begin to describe how hurt I am. I moved in with my boyfriend over a month ago. I have known his grandparents for nearly a year.

Both of us had tried to get back on Atkins earlier this month but things have not been going well. Needless to say we've slipped.

The other day my boyfriend's mother called him and, basically told him that his grandmother commented to her that I was "getting fat".

Now, I realize it shouldn't be any of my concern since she technically did not say this to my face. But I think it displays a -great- lack of class and integrity when a family gossips like this. The ironic thing? When we met last week (apparently when she "sized me up"), she was trying to butter me up by telling me I look like a movie star and that I should go into modeling, and had the nerve to gossip about HER DAUGHTER gaining weight, before she turned around and told her the same thing about me.

and yeah. It's true, I've gained 5-10 lbs. But do I have a right to feel insulted? What do you think?

[Outback Jess]

Re: Gossiping behind my back?

Kittie,
I am so sorry you've gotten your feelings hurt. Do your best to focus and move through to your weightloss goals. We all get tripped and bumped along our journey, the higher road is to get above food controlling our choices...That's pretty tough, I know, probably you know too, but you are soooo worth it! Have a good one!

[Sheepie]

Re: Gossiping behind my back?

do I have a right to feel insulted? What do you think?

Well, technically yes, but if she's going to be your future in law (not sure if marriage is in the plans), it's not worth it to get upset over it. You don't want to start the relationship on the wrong foot. I know, she already did, but if you can be the bigger person here, it will benefit you greatly in the future.

[kellyf48]

Re: Gossiping behind my back?

Ignoring her rudeness is the best revenge. Live your life, be happy and don't get drawn into that nonsense!

[Babs]

Re: Gossiping behind my back?

Sorry you're hurt going through this. Yeah, you have the right to feel insulted, but know it's her with the problem and not you, and that she probably does this to most everyone, all over the place, so most are on to her anyway and probably ignore her. At least that's what I've found to be true of the woman my father married 15 years ago (and her 4 self-claimed "perfect" daughters) I would never measure up for them or my father, no matter how good I look or how thin I get, I still get the gossip to my face and behind my back. I'm going to be 49 in a few days, and I still go through this with them and some other relatives. I don't let it bother me anymore, or at least I keep it from them--it's a waste of my time, and it's more entertaining to flip it around and watch them when I show them they don't get to me. They can't stand it, and it gives me drive to do even better. Keep doing your best, and vent here, away from her, when you need to.

[SandyL2002]

Re: Gossiping behind my back?

I am sorry the grandmother hurt your feelings.. I find that a lot of older people like to comment on things like that.. Try to not let it upset you.. I have had my share of being talked about too and its not fun

[speedyturtle]

Re: Gossiping behind my back?

She is probably a non discriminat gossiper and finds something about everyone that she sees as not perfect to talk about. Just let it go.........She sounds somewhat like my mother. hehe

[buffy67]

Re: Gossiping behind my back?

Yes, it hurts when people make comments that are rude. First off, how does "how much you weigh" affect Gma's life? And, why is Boyfriend's Mom stirring the pot by calling him and telling him.

This situation is a good note to self. Be aware that down the line you might have to set boundaries with this family. Your weight is your business. Nobody elses. If others have issue with it, then it is their issue not yours. You are not your weight.

I'm sorry that you had to get hurt in this situation. If situations like this continue, you might have to set boundaries back. IE; telling boyfriend that you don't want to hear comments like that etc.

Stay strong, you are worth it

Buffy

[BLAZING IN FL]

Re: Gossiping behind my back?

She's just jealous that she is not as young, virbrant and beautiful as you, so she justifies her insecurities by talking about others....you are better than that and shouldn't let someone with a low self esteem drag your self esteem down. Hang in there!!!!

Michelle

[tmn]

Re: Gossiping behind my back?

There will always be someone who will disappoint and hurt you. Call her out on it next time so she's aware that you know her game. Otherwise, develop a thicker skin and ignore her.

[dreamof145]

Re: Gossiping behind my back?

<<HUGS>> I know it hurts and yes it is insulting to have someone talk about your weight. She'll soon be 'tooting another tune' as you lose the weight.

The conversation will be about how much thinner you are and how great you look. Instead of dwelling on the negative comments, make positive plans to improve your health and weight. Putting your energy into a positive route will make you feel better and your actions will override the conversations of shallow people. She won't be able to say anything but good stuff about you soon.

We are here for you and want to support you in your journey. You are worth it!!

[PaulaMM]

Re: Gossiping behind my back?

No one can hurt you without your permission. Try to remember that. Of course, that is easier said than done. Just remember that a lot of time, when people say these things, it's normally because they are unhappy with their own lives. Some folks seem to need to bring others down to look better in comparison. It's pathetic.

Of course, it may just be that she's older and more blunt than she should be. My husband's grandmother is 99 years old and often says things that are better left unsaid. It's bf's mom's playing devil's advocate that gripes me! The only thing worse than gossip is the spreading of gossip.

Hang in there! Her perception of you is NOT your reality!

[guekjian]

Re: Gossiping behind my back?

JUST DONT LET IT GET TO YOU...YOU'RE MADE OF RUBBER, THEY'RE MADE OF GLUE, EVERYTHING THEY SAY TO YOU BOUNCES BACK AND STICKS TO THEM...Doesnt rhyme, but hey, you get what I mean. Hang in there...she isnt worth wasting even one minute thinking about...

[hopejoy]

Re: Gossiping behind my back?

I think we can all relate to the negative comments, I have had my fair share believe me. If it's not one thing it will be another. I have found that rising above it and acting lovingly and kindly overlooking the insults (which is soooo hard) eventually earns you more respect and genuine love then any pouting or crying or angry words ever will. Before I got fat my mil came to my house, took her finger and ran it across a top shelf to examine my cleaning skills and announced that she thought I needed a housekeeper.... but after 21 years, she and I have become great friends and she loves me dearly as I love her too. Everyone has a little ***** inside... we have to love eachother despite all that.
Hope you don't take it too seriously. She is probably a little jealous that you are 'stealing' her precious baby son. You win no matter what.
liz