I talked myself into a depression...

[BeanPole]

Well, I had this idea that if I put on the bikini that I bought prier to starting my round of Slim in 6 workout program that it would help motivate me to stick with the Atkin's WOE because I fell off the wagon again yesterday when my boyfriend brought home two dozen Krispy Kreme doughnuts. Instead of making me feel better, I actually got depressed and a whole "whats the point in trying?" mentality. I mean, I've toned up a lot in the last four weeks, but I still have some extra skin and a ton of old stretchmarks (from pregnancies and going from a size 12-14 jeans to a size 5) that I doubt any amount of toning up is going to get rid of. I really wanted to be able to wear my bikini this summer and now I don't think I'll ever be able to do that and feel great in it without a tummy tuck to say the least. I'm trying to motivate myself with the thought that maybe I could wear shorts this summer if I work hard the next few months. I feel like that is the only thing I have going for me at the moment. I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow, my mood is just blah right now. Sorry for the depressing post..just getting a load off of my chest.

[DuchessOfDork]

Re: I talked myself into a depression...

I understand, but I am so envious of you!! I'd do anything to be a size 5. I've never been able to wear a swimsuit without feeling horrible about myself.

[BeanPole]

Re: I talked myself into a depression...

You'll get there Duchess!! When I was a size 12-14, I thought a size 5 was beyond anything that I could hope for. Now I'm there and it still seems a little unreal. On the bright side, if I can manage to get to this size with my horrible carb addictions and bad habits then anyone can. The trick is to always keep trying and never give up. I've never been able to wear a swimsuit either..or shorts. I haven't wore shorts since I was a kid and this year I really want to do that. It gets pretty miserable running around outside in jeans and capris all the time in the summer. I just wish there was some kind of magic loose skin and stretchmark zapper!

[julirama723]

Re: I talked myself into a depression...

DON'T QUIT, because where will you be then?

I say, you go ahead and wear that bikini and ROCK IT this summer! I wore a bikini for the first time in my life (well, first time since I was 2 or something) last summer...sure, I didn't look like a supermodel, but do you know how AMAZING it was to wear one?? I finally felt my age. I didn't care that I didn't look perfect, I wore it anyway, because I thought of how hard I'd worked, I DESERVED to wear that bikini!

So keep working, and each time you try on that bikini, you'll look better and better. The next time you want to eat a Krispy Kreme, try on your bikini first, and then stick the doughnuts to your belly, hips, and thighs. See how that looks...because that is where those doughnuts will be going if you EAT THEM!

[snap]

Re: I talked myself into a depression...

Hang in there!

[Evermind]

Re: I talked myself into a depression...

Well, it sounds like it's hit you: The woe will change your relationship to food, and will cause you to become healthy and lose weight, but it's not going to give you much of a healthy, realistic perspective on your body unless you work on the mental part. Certainly, it doesn't happen right away.

I suggest the following: If don't belong to a gym, join one. If you belong, sign up for a personal trainer. Invest the money for 6 weeks. Have them give you a killer workout that targets your whole body, but focusses in on that belly etc.

Take a before picture, and an after.

What have you got to lose?

Oh, and that boyfriend..............needs to either get with the program, or go. And by the way, what does HE say about the bathing suit and your body?

[jersey]

Re: I talked myself into a depression...

I know you're disappointed BP but shoot - it sounds like you've been very successful in many ways in your life so far - just being a mom for one. I think Evermind's got the ticket...invest some in yourself and work out with a trainer who can target your trouble areas. You'll be a dream cient! And instead of your BF bringing donuts, tell him you want a massage with some nice shea butter *wink*. You KNOW you're beautiful inside and out sweetie.

[BeanPole]

Re: I talked myself into a depression...

julirama - Thanks for the very inspirational post! Your right, I do deserve to wear that bikini! I've worked too hard for this to let what others may think affect me to the point that I want to give up and be unhappy. I'm not overweight anymore and I should be able to enjoy it!

Thanks snap!

Evermind - I wish that I had the time to go to the gym and work with a personal trainer, but at this point, I don't think its possible. I get up at 4am and workout at 4:30 as soon as DB leaves for work. I have to try to cram my workout in before my kids wake up around 5:30 and then I'm on the go till about 8:30 when I crash. DB has two girls and I usually have atleast one of them with me for days at a time. My kids are ages two and four, DB kids are ages two and five months. They're all quite a handful. I know that I look way better than I did before. I think a lot of it has to do with my previous struggles with eating disorders. No matter how much I lost, I still saw the ugly fat girl in the mirror. I've learned to try focusing on positive things about myself, but some days it doesn't work very well. I'm currently on week five of a round of Slim in 6 and then a round of P90X. I took pictures the second and fourth week. I plan on posting them all after I do a round of P90X. Right now, I can't really see much of a difference in them. As for what DB said about my bikini, he didn't say anything at all when I put it on. However, he does tell me that I look good just the way that I am and that I don't need to lose anymore. I'm glad that he finds me attractive and he does try supporting me for the most part even though he hates my "dieting". He could do better at complimenting and supporting me, but I can't really complain too much.

jersey - Thanks for being my main source of support! You always make me feel so much better!

[Sera]

Re: I talked myself into a depression...

oh dont i know that bikini problem.
my stretchmarks are purely from being fat and they wont ever go away again because at one point i mustve really gained weight fast.
i have 2 bikinis that i wanna be able to look good in...actually one of them will be too big when i get there lol.
but u know as long as my figure is how i want it to be, the stretchmarks wont matter so much.
u dont wear a bikini every day, do u?
however, u can look good in clothes every day and we couldnt even do that when we had all that weight on our ribs.

[DuchessOfDork]

Re: I talked myself into a depression...

Oy, your boyfriend sounds exactly like mine..

[Ketone]

Re: I talked myself into a depression...

My hubby brought home some thin mints. I just smelled them. I know totally weird LOL. I fell off on NYE a bit had a pina colada... but came back! I hear you on the stretch marks. I mean no matter what I do I will never have the body I did at 103 lbs or even 113-116 when I did not have kids. ah.. but we love them!