I can no longer deny I'm a STACer

[FatBottomGirl]

Re: I can no longer deny I'm a STACer

WOW! I hope the moderators consider making this a sticky for this forum. I believe that your eloquently stated and honest look at reality is something alot of us feel but may not be able to put into such raw emotions and words. THANK YOU!!!!!

I honestly don't think you failed - as failing implies that you have given up hope and have accepted defeat - which is so obviously not the case. You are and have been and inspiration to alot us us newbies. You have successfully taken off 85 (count them 85 pounds) done things that most of us couldn't realize or even try to attempt.

I think sometimes is an issue of self worth (at least for me) - am I worthy enough to feel comfortable in my skin - do I deserve to look good to others... For many of us we have hidden behind our weight for so many years its hard to get out of that mind frame and are uncomfortable with the success and praises from others on our "new" improved look.

I commend you for opening up for the "world" to see and as Outback stated you have helped open eyes of others and brought them along for the ride -- so again in MY eyes I see you as an inspiration to me and surely many others out there.


So finally after being longwinded here I just want to say one more time: THANK YOU for the thought inspiring post and giving others the courage to admit they may not be able to do this on their own... may fall occassionally ~ but will hopefully, because of this post, get back up on their feet and keep trying.

(((HUGS))))

[RachelnLa]

Re: I can no longer deny I'm a STACer

Great post, Adena! Been there many times I ate when hungry... stuffed my face with all kinds of veggies and meats and cheese and fats to get the ketosis going and rid my thoughts of carbs! It worked. Like you.. I'm struggling right now.. I must be out of ketosis. I am working xtra hard. That "high" of doing so good is greatly missed. Not that I have faultered by eating forbidden foods.. just not enough foods and water and exercise. Makes me feel icky.. the cycle begins.

Coming here and gaining strength really helps. It will help you too!

[Adena]

Re: I can no longer deny I'm a STACer

Oh my gosh... you guys are terrific. Why didn't I come here a long time ago? Thank you SO much...

Snap, I distinctly remember hugging my husband one day this summer/fall and saying to him, "I don't think I'll ever be fat again." And he agreed. I felt so sure and so at peace. It started to fall apart soon after. That's where I want to get back to. Thank goodness my clothes still fit, but some not very comfortably. You're right -- we'll both be back in them, until they're falling off of us and on their way to Goodwill.... I appreciate the vote of confidence.

Thanks, Oz. I've always tried to be honest with myself... but lately I've been doing too much whining and not enough planning/action. I am hoping some really raw truths -- among people who are struggling with some of the same things -- will help me finally turn the corner again.

Evermind -- that's exactly it! Either the will power is there, or it's not. And lately, it hasn't been. I've been waiting for months for a bolt of lightening to strike, to snap me out of it... and it's not happening. So now, I'm doing my darndest to conjur it up myself. 5 days sounds reasonable... doable. I will focus on that, one day at a time. So far, so good.

Thanks, Becky... you're right. As Joy once told me, there is a difference between accepting my lot and truly surrendering to it... And it's part of a long process. I am at least proud that I'm still here... I know I would have thrown in the towel a long time ago if it wasn't for you great folks at ADBB.

Trouble, I agree this is an awesome group of folks! It's true... just a few days and I know the noise will quiet down substantially. My problem is that I get over-confident at that point and then do something stupid...

Ideal, I am glad I haven't hit bottom yet, but my spirit feels like it's there, you know? But I know that I can do this... and this time, I want it to be forever. My question is, how do I do that? Just like at the start of my Atkins journey, it feels so overwhelming....

Betsy, it's true... balancing everything is HARD. But being at peace with my eating reflects positively on all aspects of my life. I just have to get over the hurdle to get there again. Yes, I would love to buckle down with you. Let's do this!

Jess, the folks here are terrific -- I see why you defected from journal chats. Of course, I love those, too, but I hope that spending time here will really help me battle some of these demons, once and for all....

----------------

Food is good today. I haven't had any veggies, though. I'm sick with a sinus infection, so nothing is appealing. Right now, I'm going home to drink some chicken broth and head to bed...

Thanks again, everyone. I really appreciate your support.

Edited to add: Mellany and Rachel -- thanks so much. I honesty don't feel like I deserve all that praise, but I appreciate your words. Yes, I have been successful, but lately, I've been a real whiney-butt... I'm surprised and grateful that my friends in the journals (and elsewhere) haven't said to me -- on more than one occasion -- "either pee or get off the pot!" But they've let me come back time and again, and praised me for doing so -- and now you are, too. I hope that with time, I can have better perspective on this -- and be grateful for the process. I do believe everything happens for a reason. It was almost too easy before -- not that I lost quickly, but it just seemed so easy for me to resist. This is a potent reminder that I can never let my guard down.... and my behavior this time has been more bingy than it ever was before. And that has scared me.

[spazzyhilo]

Re: I can no longer deny I'm a STACer

I'm so very glad you decided to come hang out with us here at STAC! When I first did atkins I was one of those "I'll never fall off and I'll never need to start over again." It almost felt like it would be shameful to have to restart. Well long story short, I fell off and had to restart again. Once I was ready to make the commitment I rejoined ADBB and faced the crowd here at STAC and I am so glad I did!!

They are the nicest group of people and the best support one could ever wish for. I feel like I owe a lot of my progress to these people and I know that we are all here for you as well!

I love your honesty and your openness. It's hard to say "I need help" and put yourself out there. It takes a lot of courage and strength to admit that one isn't doing as well as they would like. I'm glad you found that strength and we are there for you. You need a little extra hand? You got it!

Big hugs sweetie - whenever you need it

[mitzimarie]

Re: I can no longer deny I'm a STACer

Hi, Adena

Just saw this thread for the first time, a moment ago. Welcome to STAC! It is really a wonderful place. I am a bit ashamed that I haven't posted here in a couple of weeks. I just have my hands so full in Journal Chats, that I don't get to hop around the board as much as I would like to. I think you will like it here, and will get some awesome support.

Isn't it scary how fast things can get out of control? I appreciate your honesty. The first step to changing the behavior, is acknowledging it. Coming here, and "owning" the situation, is the perfect first step.

Hang in there, buddy. I KNOW that you will succeed.

[nanagoz]

Re: I can no longer deny I'm a STACer

Adena, I started Atkins 4 yrs ago and did fantastic. I lost 75 lbs in a year, then I decided to try going off induction (yep a year on it). I slowly gained back 35 of it. Now I am trying again and induction isn't working for me either. I have been on it over 3 weeks and only lost 5 lbs! Yeah, I know, its 5 lbs, but I am really struggling this time. I miss fruit and breakfast. I really love a little oatmeal or cereal with the vanilla Soy Slender soymilk in the morning (milk has 1 net carb). I am trying to stay with it, but losing faith quickly.

Everyone is right on about feeling great when you do manage to "do it right" though. Stay in there with me, maybe we can do it again!

[Adena]

Re: I can no longer deny I'm a STACer

Thank you so much, Spazzy and Mitzi. I so appreciate your good wishes and encouragement.

Nanagoz, I know just how you feel about how hard it is to stick with it. I've kept "restarting" over the past 6 months, but done it on higher rungs, thinking I didn't NEED induction -- I was experienced, afterall. But I've come to realize that I have gotten myself to the point where I have to bite the bullet just like anyone else new to the program. But like you, I REALLY miss those higher-rung extras.

We can do this... one day at a time.

Okay, so today I am putting a restart date in my signature. It's funny... I was just thinking about that, and thought... well, maybe I should list it as a 'buckle down' or 'get serious again' date. But, NO. No more denial. It is a restart -- effective yesterday, Feb. 19.

Here's to a good day -- one minute at a time.

[lisadallasr]

Re: I can no longer deny I'm a STACer

Hi Adena, this is my first time reading this. IM so proud of you for taking that step and restarting. I would never look at it like a failure just a learning process. I have restarted so many times its not even funny. I really admire you though you have came along way and your still there, you have had some mishaps but we are all human and that is what makes us stronger. I know you will fly through induction with no problems, im only on day 4 myself and feel stronger already and im having to do it kiss style lol.

[Adena]

Re: I can no longer deny I'm a STACer

Thank you, Lisa. I'm glad to hear you are feeling better, too. And KISS-style... oh, that's tough!! But will be well worth it, I'm sure. Hang strong, girlie. I'm with ya!

So look what I came across today: http://www.atkinsdietbulletinboard.c...t=39161&page=1.

Geez, to feel that confident again... I remember writing that post. I truly wanted to understand how not to get into these shoes. Because then, it was hard to even fathom. Ha! Lots of good advice given... and I can absolutely second all of it now. Too bad I didn't follow it.

Completed day 3 today. Still doing okay. Got in more veggies and more food in general -- getting my appetite back a little. But I still can't really taste anything, so eating isn't very exciting. Oh, but I am in ketosis, according to my little pink stick this morning.

[Adena]

Re: I can no longer deny I'm a STACer

I know that for me, I was not willing to do 2 weeks of induction. Or reinduction. Just wasn't. I would go ok for a few days, but never could make it past that. The willingness wasn't there. It was just too big of a chunk to bite off for me.

So here's the deal: See if you can commit to doing induction for 5 days. Just five. That's all you have to do. After 5 days, if you want to eat a pound of Little Debbie Snack cakes in one sitting, you can.

Just five days. Can you do it?

I did it! As of today, 5 days down. I really feel good. I'm going to finish out the full 2 weeks, then on to rung 1.

[Cool Water]

Re: I can no longer deny I'm a STACer

Many moons ago in my younger days I did atkins because some of my friends said they had lost 20 or more pounds...I started and lost 18 lbs and got to 118 lbs. I then listened to these friends at how thin I was looking...(I thought I looked I looked good-because I went out and bought me the cutest bib overalls)
And now I am still with these friends through thick and thin, but now I want to lose at age 59-just 20lbs, BUT the friends don't care and seem to sabotage me at every cornor,,,,or I guess I sabotage myself. I tried again on this site it looks like in 2007...but dropped. MOTTO: No matter what goofs I make, I know now that I can start again and not drop out of the atkins forum.

I would like to start a new journal. The one I had in 2007 was closed. How do I do this?

[qbu]

Re: I can no longer deny I'm a STACer

Adena...I just read this post. Thank you, thank you, thank you for posting it.

I just posted in my journal that I've come to the realization that I'm a STACer too. I haven't strayed from this WOE, more this WOL. I've stopped exercising, stopped counting carbs that I'm eating. I haven't eaten anything I shouldn't, just eating more than I should and not exercising. So I guess that makes me a STACer too.

I re-committed to myself again...seems like I've been doing that a lot lately, but this time it will work.

Again, thanks for opening my eyes to the fact that I need to re-start.

I'm sure I'll be visiting this forum often.

[Lori1]

Re: I can no longer deny I'm a STACer

Wow! I am so greatful for your honesty. I think I can use these boards now to their full potential...it's not just to say how great you are doing but also to say how you are struggling... Thank you for that

I, like you, have been struggling to get back on track. And it's hard....the whole going to bed depressed and waking up hopeful...Well TONIGHT (one day at a time) I am going to be hopeful! LOL

I am saying this as much to you as I am to myself: "You can do it!" "It doesn't matter what you did yesterday...It matters what you do today!"

Have a great day!

[brighterdaysahead]

Re: I can no longer deny I'm a STACer

Welcome Adena -- we are neighbors !!!

Heck, nothing wrong with STAC and I have to admit I am a member by default.........there isn't a place here called FTAC (fifth time around club).

I succeeded my first go around with Atkins and lost 75 lbs - liked how I looked, bought new close and then lost my mind eating like I used to and gained almost all of it back.
The other 4 times I only stayed on a week or two and gave in to the wrong carbs. I finally see that I am a carboholic and they do not treat me right - if I want to like how I look and feel, I have to continue this way of life for the rest of my life.

You are a brave, strong woman and your post was AMAZING !!

Welcome to STAC look forward to getting to know you !!

[Adena]

Re: I can no longer deny I'm a STACer

Hi, Cool Water -- so sorry for the delay in responding. I hadn't checked this thread in a while. If you're still here (and I hope you are!), you can send a PM to one of the moderators and ask them to reopen your journal. Or, you can just go the Journal Chats forum, and create a new thread. I know it's a tough issue when "friends" sabbotage your efforts. But you're right -- it's up to you. A good heart to heart talk with them about why this is so important to you and how you need them to support you could help. Best of luck.

Thanks so much, qbu. I'm glad it was helpful to you. I've struggled for months and months... taking this step has really signified a turning point for me. I hope the same happens for you. I look forward to seeing you around STAC.

Lori, I hope you went to bed hopeful last night. Oh yes, this board is great for not only sharing successes, but also sharing the low points. I've done plenty of both! Folks here understand -- and want to help. So, visit often, share the good and bad, both large and small. I'm POSITIVE I would have never made it to this point without ADBB. I've struggled lately, but I'd have thrown in the towel a long time ago if it wasn't for my friends and great support here.

Angie -- hi neighbor! I, too, have learned here that I am a carboholic. As I've struggled over the past few months, that has become even more clear as I felt and observed how my body responded to bad carbs... and how hard it was for me to break away. WAY harder than the first time. It was as if my body was holding on SO tightly, the carbs were speaking SO loudly... it was terribly hard to break free a second time. But, I hope I've gotten there (or at least, am well on my way). Because I certainly don't want to ever go through that again... I know you can relate. Best of luck to you!

-------------------

Thanks again, everyone.

These new posts are so timely as yesterday marked my last day of induction. I'm back down to 198 pounds, which is a loss of 7-9 pounds (my restart was somewhere between 205 and 207). I'm okay with that level of loss, because more importantly, I'm FEELING so much better. I think I've finally regained my control.

That said, twice during induction I've been out of ketosis.... about 4 days ago (but was back in the next day), and then again this morning. In both cases it was the result of eating out. I made good choices, but let a little carb/sugar creep in through sugar in sauces and salad dressing.

I'm a big believer in moving straight into OWL after induction, but since I'm out of ketosis this morning, I'm going to hang around on induction through the end of the week, and get myself firmly back in the pink.

I've gotten back into working out more regularly, but still need to step that up a bit more and get some real consistancy back.

I can't describe exactly why or how, but coming here to STAC has really helped shift my attitidue and focus. Lord knows I discussed these issues plenty in my journal -- with a number of STACer friends, in fact -- but somehow the act of coming here and admitted "defeat" has really helped to finally put me back on the straight and narrow. So thank you again for that, STACers.

I look forward to continuing to update this thread from time to time with progress along the way. I love happy endings.