I can no longer deny I'm a STACer

[narose]

Re: I can no longer deny I'm a STACer

Wow! After reading this post this hit right at home because I have been feeling this way for almost a year now. I had a baby in April 2007 and before he was born I was so amped at restarting the Atkins diet. Now it is almost a year later and look where I am larger than I was during my final days of pregnancy.

I must honestly say I do need all the support I can get. It has been so hard for me to stick to the Atkins diet when I start that I have tried numerous others including Jenny Craig where I gained and Weight Watchers where I really did not even try. I guess because in the back of mind I knew I should be on Atkins...a diet that I have been successfull on.

You would not believe, but I even attempted to get the LapBand surgery. This halted back in December when I found out I was not heavy enough for my insurance to pay for it. So back to Atkins I turn.

[healthandharmony]

Re: I can no longer deny I'm a STACer

I am sending big hugs and support to you too. I totaly understand what you mean. I have tried many times too, and each time i go back to this woe, I wonder why I left it in the first place.

I take the attitude I have not failed and neither have you. I have been back to this woe since jan. Stac is a great place to be. We all understand each other.

So keep going , as the song says one day at at time.

[chinadoll]

Re: I can no longer deny I'm a STACer

Two notes from me (I am a tracker - 3rd time around) it will likely be less dramatic losses this time around, but it will work. For me the inches are dropping even though the pounds are not. And, if you can find an Atkins buddy for realtime, physical support and sharing, it helps a lot. Best of luck and get your head ready to commit and you will be fine.

[Adena]

Re: I can no longer deny I'm a STACer

It's almost 5 months since my Feb 18 original post. I'd like to say I've fought the good fight and have turned things around. But instead, I continued to struggle -- on and off, on and off, on and off -- and do stupid things. I've been "here" (on ADBB and sort of on Atkins), but not always, and not by the book. And sometimes, I've been hog wild OFF plan. Now, I'm almost 30 pounds up from my lowest weight of 191.

I would like to say I've finally gotten serious. That THIS is it. But it's only been 2 clean days. And I've proven time and again that it takes a long time to get out of the danger zone. In fact, I don't think I'll ever be out of the danger zone.

So, I'm just here again to acknowledge reality. I DO believe that Atkins is right for me, and I believe these past 9 months or so have been a heck of a learning experience... one I apparently needed. And I probably still have plenty of "learning" ahead.

For now, I can simply take it one day at a time.

[Outback Jess]

Re: I can no longer deny I'm a STACer

One day at a time! Welcome to the neighbrohood!

[jaybee007]

Re: I can no longer deny I'm a STACer

Hi everyone
I am back after years of thinking that I could do this WOL on my own, NOT! I have a food addiction and need support much like any other 12 step program. I eat when i'm sad, happy, angry, stressed but not often enough when i'm really hungry. I use food to numb myself much like alcoholics numb themselves with alcohol in order to avoid dealing with life's challenges. Don't get me wrong, my life is actually very good but I love the way food makes me feel and I think it stems from when I was a child and my mom would give me food as a reward or to make me feel better....We have a great relationship and she did the best that she could I am back and it feels wonderful!

[Adena]

Re: I can no longer deny I'm a STACer

It's almost 5 months since my Feb 18 original post. I'd like to say I've fought the good fight and have turned things around. But instead, I continued to struggle -- on and off, on and off, on and off -- and do stupid things. I've been "here" (on ADBB and sort of on Atkins), but not always, and not by the book. And sometimes, I've been hog wild OFF plan. Now, I'm almost 30 pounds up from my lowest weight of 191.

I would like to say I've finally gotten serious. That THIS is it. But it's only been 2 clean days. And I've proven time and again that it takes a long time to get out of the danger zone. In fact, I don't think I'll ever be out of the danger zone.

So, I'm just here again to acknowledge reality. I DO believe that Atkins is right for me, and I believe these past 9 months or so have been a heck of a learning experience... one I apparently needed. And I probably still have plenty of "learning" ahead.

For now, I can simply take it one day at a time.

And NOW, it's just over 8 months from my original post.... which means I've been messing around for almost a year and a half now... and am up about 35 pounds, a couple sizes, and way more inches than I want to even think about...

I've been Atkins legal for 3 days now (not induction legal, but no crap) -- which feels good, but I know I'm not even close to over the hump yet. I'm not sure what I'm even here to say at this point. Just checking in again, trying to keep it real, and hoping to eventually give this thread a happy ending...

Edited to add: P.S. I've just read back through this thread, and I so appreciate all the support and good wishes. It's funny -- I was so mad at myself back in Feb, weighing 207... yet I'd LOVE to be back there now. While the weight really bothers me, the feeling of being completely out of control is even worse. I've seen scary, compulsive, addictive behaviors in myself that I don't think were ever this strong. It's almost as if I've awakened the carb beast, who now KNOWS the "damage" I can do to him with Atkins -- the control I can FINALLY have -- and he is fighting me with everything he has to keep me out of control. Does that sound totally weird?

[hopejoy]

Re: I can no longer deny I'm a STACer

Hi Adena, I'm back too! I know how you feel. It's tough isn't it? I'm on day 2 of induction. Not easy for sure, but definately the time for me to start back. It is a one day at a time thing for me as well. Hand in there, read the book and believe in yourself! You can do it! You are worth it! This is worth it!

my husband just sat down with a huge ice cream sunday. I think I hate him.
liz

[Adena]

Re: I can no longer deny I'm a STACer

And NOWWWW, I'm back again again again. This is 6 days legal. I did 50 pounds of damage (of the 90 I'd lost) during my "hiatus". I pray to God I learned my lesson. I feel better than I've felt in months and months.

I believe all things happen for a reason. I think the reason for this experinece is to show me I'm a true addict. I've witnessed behaviors in myself over the past year+ that have shocked me. Binging, secret eating, always looking for that next "fix"... scary stuff.

All I can say is that I hope and pray I'm back for good this time. I have reached the point where it's more important mentally than it is physically... I just couldn't handle for one more day feeling so terrible about myself, so out of control. It's a terrible thing when food controls your life. I don't want that to be me anymore. Ever again. That's not a bold declaration... but a very sincere and hopeful plan.

[Outback Jess]

Re: I can no longer deny I'm a STACer

YEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH I hope to stay right here in your slip stream, or you can stay in mine!!!!! One day at a time!!!!!

[Adena]

Re: I can no longer deny I'm a STACer

13 days legal today -- trying hard to make sure it sticks this time. In deep ketosis and the carb noise is amazingly quiet.... what a huge difference.

[Chicklady]

Re: I can no longer deny I'm a STACer

I think the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th+ times around are harder than the first and harder each time. Our bodies resist losing more so because they are designed to store for future need, and when we've had a loss, it's obvious that another lean time might soon approach. but aside from all that phusical stuff, I think a good part of it is mental. "Why can she eat anything she wants without gaining....I should be able to" whether we think that conciously or not. And finally, it gets downright tiring being so careful all the time. I wonder if there will ever be a day when I can eat without entering it into Fitday.....

[Time2Shine]

Re: I can no longer deny I'm a STACer

Adena, how are you doing today? You've gotten through the hardest part if you were doing induction properly. Have you been? Did you weather the holiday well?

It's good that you're reflecting on your addictions, but please don't use them as an excuse to go there again. You said you've learned some things about yourself. Great, keep learning.

Are you tracking your carb intake daily? Do you have the Atkins book (most updated) and have you read it? Do you drink your water? Are you planning your meals ahead and shopping regularly to keep the kitchen stocked with fresh foods?

It's not enough to have your mind set on staying on plan. You have to execute a plan to stay on plan. I didn't plan the first time I did Atkins. Now I'm firmly entrenched in this way of life and see no other way to live. I eat so well, I eat such a variety and I have no limitations on excellently flavored dishes. I watch others struggle with their low-fat, tasteless diets and feel sorry for those people that they can't see how great Atkins is.

Atkins has so many food options and you have so much to look forward to, so look at Atkins as a wonderful thing and it should help you stay on track. If you're not eating the "bad things" then you should already be over the cravings for them : ) Move past that bad stuff. It's not worth your health. It's not worth your mental anguish. Create a muffin-in-a-minute that mimics the carby bread product you once loved. Make it sweet or savory. Use it for a morning sandwich or muffin treat. Use it as a lunch item. Use it as a dinner roll. But only use that item once a day!

Come to the Atkins site discussion board and get some solid advice and support there as well as support and advice here. I visit both sites. I find this one to be a support group and find the other one to be a better place for advice and strategies. Maybe because it's a small community with a few long-timers and a professional advisor who worked with Dr. Atkins.

You need to employ many tools to master Atkins with ease. I have had incredible success this time and I feel it's owed to learning much more this time and having advice and support that I didn't have the first time. The book, actually reading it this time, made a big difference. Journaling and tracking all carb counts helped tremendously with keeping me honest and helping me see where I go wrong. The Muffin In a Minute is a godsend food that makes a big difference in my life. Following the plan from induction to OWL is great as I go from one rung to the next and rediscover foods I haven't had for a long while. Eating new things I previously didn't like is amazing to me now that I find I like them!

There are so many new areas of my life now. And losing weight is only one of them. I've actually started to care less about the weight loss and care more about the health aspect. That's a cool thing.

[AOT]

Re: I can no longer deny I'm a STACer

Dear Adena,
I really understand what you are going through 100%. I am also struggling as much as you are and I have to say that my biggest downfall is not being able to get physically fit like I was before BUT YOU with the running and marathons!!!!! You Go Girl!!!!!! I know you don't want to use it as an excuse but no matter which way you look at it, its such an accomplishment! Even if you were off the food, excercise and dedication are also a part of the program! I commend you on your sincerity and humility in your postings. You said everything I want to say but have never had the courage to be so publicly open. You have at least one admirer here. I think your story will help me & others very much. I wish you strength, love and light. AOT

[cpb0214]

Re: I can no longer deny I'm a STACer

Can someone tell me where to find the muffin in a minute recipe? I am craving still and if this would help induction, I'd love to try it!