He came home...

[Simone]

I told you guys that I started the Induction phase on last Monday because my husband was out of town. I did really well. I started on Monday morning at 270lbs. On Sunday morning, the day he returned, I was at 259. I was so excited. I thought I was strong and would be able to deal with him being back and sticking to my plans for myself. He invited guests over for dessert and asked me to cook.

I baked a pineapple upside down cake, several different cheesecake versions and a chocolate nutty cheese squares. I didn't taste, didn't like the spoon. As a matter of fact, I didn't eat all day until about 2. I baked a ribeye and devoured it. Well, his guests got their dates confused and there I was with all these cakes and pies. They started calling my name. "Simone...you look great. You don't need to diet." "One little nibble won't hurt." So I did...I nibbled a little. Then on Sunday evening I packed the cake, which hadn't been cut and the cheese cakes, all but 1, and took them to a friend's house. I was fine until morning. I took the remainder of the chocolate squares and wrapped them fro my son to take to school. I drove to school with them calling me. When I got there, we realized that there was no school this week!! They road back home with me and I did eat some more. Then I said I would drink a gallon of water and get back on track. Well I was ok until evening when I had more goodies than I can tell. It just became a "ah what the heck are you trying for now...you already screwed up" kind of thing.

Well my plan is to fast all day tomorrow for 24 hours. And then start over. I dont' want to quit, but already I feel so defeated and so out of control. Why couldn't I resist? 11lbs in 6 days! I know this diet works, why can't I just do it.

I need help....someone come and get me. Pull me by the hair, the toenails if you have to, but don't let me fall completely off of this wagon. Please

[cleochatra]

Simone, you are doing so well! Are you telling me you don't want to keep watching those scale numbers drop?

Come on, honey! Chin up, not chins to the wind!

You can do this, but you have to want it bad enough. Do you want it?

I know it's tough when things change and routines are interrupted. It's really tough and easy to go back to old, bad habits. Still, you can do it!

[CherTLC4u]

Don't fast! Just hop right on the old Atkins bandwagon and you'll be fine!

[Isabeau]

I agree, don't fast. Just jump right back on the wagon, maybe drink a little more water. We're all here to help you.

[tabekat]

eat no evil

Simone, few people could have all that sugar and carbage around and not indulge. Frankenfoods will always call our names, but we don't have to answer.

I have a little tough love for you. :hug

The real root of the problem lies in baking carbage in the first place then expecting yourself to keep away from it. Thats masochistic torture for a carb and sugar addict. :anger

We have an addiction and we absolutely can't toy with it. We must be very honest about that. To overcome our addiction we have to stay away from our addictive substances. Sometimes it requires being very assertive with ourself and others in order to prevent circumstances that test our resolve.

If you were recovering from alcoholism, would you keep booze at your house? Would you serve it to guests? Think about this seriously....Why do you have unacceptable foods in your house? Why agree to serve them?

When you commit yourself to healing your body it means changing your life in many ways beyond what you eat. it means changing your way of thinking as well. It means saying no when you are asked to do things that could sabatoge your Atkins agenda.

In my kitchen, you eat the Atkins way, or not at all. Sugar has no nutritional value. I do not keep it in my house. Sugar isn't good for anyone, not just Atkineers.

I know it is hard, but hubby needs to be lovingly told that your health and well-being come first. And if you have to provide treats for guests, there are plenty of Atkins friendly recipes available, even in this forum.

What about some sliced jicama and some mushroom caps with sausage and cheese? I've served this before at parties, people love it! Or bake a cheesecake with Atkins friendly ingrediants.

Stand up for what you believe in. Stand up for being loving to yourself on the highest nutritional level.

Forget the fast. Fasting is guarenteed to trigger a binge. Fasting is part of an old dieting mentality that needs to be retired. Punishing yourself will never help and it definately isn't what your body, your mind and your soul needs.

Your body needs to know that it will be fed. Frequently! With luscious, yummy, healthy nourishing food. So EAT! Eat the foods that are on the acceptable foods list. Savor them. Be full!

[MontanaRebel]

You can get back on track and continue on....just don't let the weight slip back on....keep it at 5lbs or below and stay with the program.

It is all about the learning process and learning about ourselves! ha

[texwife&mom]

Fist of all dust your self off and hop back on the Atkins horse!!! Second sit down with your husband and let him know what you are doing and why. You need the people around you to know what you are doing so they can know how to help. My sweetie didn't realize that when he asked me "Do you want pizza tonight?" That I felt like I was getting "permission" to eat badly. We had a talk and now he doesn't offer me food as a 'reward'. You can do this and you will do this, but everyone needs a little help!!! Keep you chin up and have a great Atkins friendly breakfast in the morning!!! :hug

P. S. You now have first hand knowledge of the Snowball effect. You will remember this next time you are thinking of just taking a taste!!!

[Simone]

RE: Hecame home...

Thank you guys for your encouragement. I do feel like the biggest, fattest loser this morning....but not loser of weight. I just can't see to control my anything. This is all emotional I know, but it is affecting my whole being. I couldn't control where I lived so I wind up in Germany! I couldn't control what I do, so I am a stay at home mom of 2. And I couldnt' control my mouth so I weigh 260lbs or what ever the scale says this mornign....I can't look! That is just how I feel...completely out of control.

It is not my husband's fault that I binged, but Lord knows it was so much easier when he was not around. Even with the kids. I gave them some snacks that they enjoyed and I didn't want to eat them. But I don't allow them to eat anywhere but at the table. I don't watch them eat. I just allow them to. While my husband will bring chips to bed and eat things in front of me. Someone here said it was masochistic to think I can cook those things and not eat them. But honestly I think I should be able to conquer my environment. The difference between alcohol and food is you don't need alcohol to live and you dont' give it to a 2 year old. I feel like I should be able to control myself! I mean look at it this way. I love to shop. Even when I have no money I love to shop. But I don't buy things on credit and screw up our lives that way. I control that desire and wait until I can get what I want. Shouldn't the same discipline be possible with eating?

I do not want to be fat for the rest of my life. I am 37 for God sakes. I have had maybe 3 memorable years of looking at myself in the mirror and smiling back at what I saw. I want more that . Self loathing is debilitating in so many ways. Everytime I think I got a handle on it...BAM this little voice says..."who ya think you're foolin'" "you know that fat is what you are.." I scream and shout and kick and scratch and then I get to a place where I am healing.....I go to the gym everyday...I lose 70lbs!!! I have it undercontrol and BAM again....we move away from everything I know and love. And the climb to self starts all over again. I am just so sick of adversity. I want to win....I want to win at this...my life long nemesis. I dont' blame my mom for me being fat...though she and everyone in my family is. I don't blame my husband...though he has a way of subtley reminding me that I need to lose weight. I blame myself. I am just not doing what i need to do. And I do want to. I have dreamed of myself in a bronze two piece bikini with a sarong, sandals and large copacabana hat for years.

I am good at so many things. I am a wonderful mother, an excellent wife, and friend you will never want to lose and I have talents beyond measure. Why is it that I can't conquer Super FAT? I went to school again at 33 working fulltime 50 hour weeks with a 5 year old son. I got pregnant again at 35 and I still managed to finish my degree and graduate with honors in record time. I did that....surely that is easier than this?! I conquered poverty. I conquered rape. I conquered being abused by my first husband. I have done some phenomenal things in my life....yet I am left feeling totally incapable...illequipt...stupid...useless and...FAT. Why can't I not be?

I made an appointment to have braces put on so that my smile can be nicer. I plan to get contact lenses to change my eyecolor. I am going to get a killer hair cut to enhance my features. I buy a new pair of shoes at least once a month. I refuse to by clothes.....but all I am doing is making that statement I hear in my mind more and more true...She has such a pretty face.....she has so much going for her if she will just lose that weight.... It is as if nothing in the world matters, no matter what I accomplish if I fail at this...I am a failure. I don't want to be. I know it can be done. This WOE is a proven fact that it can be done. why cant IIIII do it? I want to so badly.

Well I am starting to cry now...and my kids are asking why, so I had better go. Thank you all for listening to me and encouraging me. This board is the best thing yet!

[Sallyb]

Hey Simone

Well done on your loss so far, that’s great, you can do it!!

Most all of us have fallen off the track at stages, many many times. It is
heartbreaking, you must also realise it is not the end of your dreams.
Use all this emotional energy to feel renewed, even inspired by this
experience. When things go wrong, you dig deeper into yourself to
emerge stronger, clearer and better than ever. It's clear that you have
had to in the past.

No one is better positioned than you to do either do maximum damage
or rise up to your full powers, getting into the right frame of mind
and resolve not to be beaten. What you think, you create!
Raise the expectations of you, your great, look what you have
done so far in your life, your only 37, here you are, taking
full responsibility for your life, doing your best. How fab is
that? It's terrific, you’re terrific! Keep that firmly in
your mind. Recognise everything you have done and praise
yourself - you deserve it!

Now - make it happen and live your dreams, you know you can.

All the best
Sally :hug