I'm so mad at myself

[fatkid]

I started my diet in september 2003 and stopped in December 2003. Ever since then I've been unable to get back on. I started at 249 and went down to 210. I'm back at 245 and I am so ashamed of myself.

It started out as just eating fruit. Then it turned into candy and I just let myself go for the past year and 9 months. It seems every few weeks since I got off my diet I've been lieing to myself "I'll start tomorrow" and since then, the longest I've gone is 2 weeks.

I hate myself for doing this. I'm sick of being overweight. And it dawned on me tonight, I've never known what it has been like to be thin. I've been overweight since I started school.

I seriously don't know how to get back on. It seems like I have no self control, I make exceptions, I lie to myself.

I'm 80 pounds overweight. 80 pounds of fat. I need to be motivated again. I hope sharing this information with you, and facing my lies to myself will help me start again.

4 hours cheat free (My signature hasn't been updated).

[tickletussler]

hey - you're back ain't ya?

THAT'S THE IMPORTANT THING :yes

You made the decision to come back to Atkins, so look at it with a clean slate - start over, join the STAC (Second Time Around Club) - you'll get plenty of support from all of us

You've made the decision to lose, so who cares what you did before?

YOU'RE BACK NOW AND THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS :hug

[fatkid]

This is like my 20th time around though. I can never stick with it.

Thanks for your support.

Its really embarrassing how much I failed. I really don't want to fail again, I'm a stronger person mentally. I'm actually crying right now. I haven't cried since last summer when my dog was diagnosed with cancer and was suppose to die but actually didn't have cancer and is laying next to me while I write this run-on sentence. I really hope I can do it this time.

Thanks again.

[tickletussler]

hey but you know what? You're not the only one who's fallen off heaps of times - lots of us do, but we just don't admit it all the time
That's why they set up the Second TIme Around Club - coz no matter what people say about not cheating or changing your WOE forever, we are still all human and it really takes a lot of time, GUTS and effort to stick with Atkins - it's just that some of us take longer to find our "groove" in Atkins, and when we do, it becomes easier. Until then, we struggle, we fall off, we climb back on again, and again, and again... but main thing is we come back

There are so many really special people on this board and they really know how to support each other, so Fatkid - you will need a new name soon!!!

PS why don't you set up a Journal in the journals forum? Many of us do - you know, to record how we're going, write how we feel, get encouragement, even gossip - it's a great supportive group in there too.

[msanjelpie]

Time for self-analyzation

fatkid - How old are you?

Why do you fail? You said you have been able to jump back on for two weeks, that in itself is the hardest part to get through. What is going through your mind when everything falls apart?

I'll just have one of something?

My weight loss is going too slow?

I'm miserable and can't stand even looking at this food for another minute?

I should just admit I'm a failure, I'm always going to be fat, and I might as well pig out and deal with this when I'm more capable of being in control...

Do any of these resemble your thought process? Figuring out what thoughts are sabotaging you is the first step towards correcting the problem...

It has nothing to do with the diet, and everything to do with your brain...

Were you having those same type of thoughts when you lost your 39 lbs and then slid into fruits?

Why do you want to lose the weight? What is your main motivation? Looks? Health? Low self-esteem? Now, what is your reward for staying fat?

Think hard about these answers, and you will be one step closer to realizing your goal...

[jadzia007]

Hey most of us here.... myself absolutely included...have fallen off the wagon more than a few times. I wouldn't say we are failures. (hate that word) Just someone who made a bad choice. You are NOT a failure!! We make mistakes...but hey...lets get right back on the horse and go. I have about 80 more pounds to lose.....so let's do it together!! One day at a time. Oh it won't be easy...and there will be difficult choices to make, but together we'll make the right ones. Starting now.

elle

[Finelly]

Ditto on what's been said about the Second Time Around club. Some of us are on the nth time! The point is, we're all committed, we have some different perspectives and issues than newbies, and we are a terrific support system!

I, too, lost a ton of weight, then gained it all back. PLUS four lbs. And I'm back again, focussing on today, not yesterday!

Come on over!

[prozacwoman]

Awww, Fatkid! :hug You're not a failure, you've just found a bunch of ways NOT to do Atkins.

I've felt just like you do about the self control part. Food is such an overwhelming controller sometimes, isn't it? I would eat a bunch of stuff I shouldn't have and then wish I could throw it up (I never have been able to make myself throw up. I hate it. I think I'd rather take a beatin' than throw up. LOL). All we can do is keep trying, keep fighting, and keep looking forward. We're all here for ya!

xo,

AJ

[cesara]

I've never known what it has been like to be thin. I've been overweight since I started school.

You aren't alone here....I mirror that statement....I've had a few good losses over the years, but, of course nothing that stuck...always went back up with a few extra lbs for good measure....

Soooo glad you posted here....you'll get ALOT of support here...come often and you'll find that it's much easier to get through those hurdles when you have a place to vent!!!

I'm rooting for you! (and myself too!...hehe) We CAN do this!!

:icondance

[cesara]

You're not a failure, you've just found a bunch of ways NOT to do Atkins.

I love that!! :guns

[RedLily]

Re: I'm so mad at myself

Hello. I just wanted to say that everyone messes up - you are not alone.

I have failed many times but I finally decided enough is enough! So I made a commitment to myself to get healthy for me. It is not about being thin or sexy - it is about being healthy. I want to have the energy to keep up with my kids. I want to live a healthy lifestyle that they can see and follow.

Try starting an exercise routine - either with videos or just by yourself. You will see that once you start getting results that will give you more desire to continue. I know that since I started the Slim in 6 exercises I have been really motivated. It is really great.

I wish you success this time and say even if you do mess up then just start over again. Don't let messing up keep you where you are at - just keep going.