UGH.....down......

[JenLynn]

So I am talking to my father tonight on the phone (mind you we have that type of relationship where I am always struggling to get his approval and he is always denying me), and he says:

"I saw some pictures of you, MAN you need to be working out of something".....

I have not told him I am doing this way of life yet because I don't want the crap and I only see him once every year or two. But it really GOT me. Hurt my feelings BIG time. I was feeling AWESOME today because I just look a little smaller and have been working out, sticking to diet, etc. And now that feeling is gone and I feel like crap!

Just needed to vent........

[Mirya]

Re: UGH.....down......

So I am talking to my father tonight on the phone (mind you we have that type of relationship where I am always struggling to get his approval and he is always denying me), and he says:

"I saw some pictures of you, MAN you need to be working out of something".....

I have not told him I am doing this way of life yet because I don't want the crap and I only see him once every year or two. But it really GOT me. Hurt my feelings BIG time. I was feeling AWESOME today because I just look a little smaller and have been working out, sticking to diet, etc. And now that feeling is gone and I feel like crap!

Just needed to vent........

I can say i know exactly what your going through. My father does the same thing. see me being as sharp tongued as I am, if my father had said, "man you look like you need to work out or smething " I would have sad and "man it sounds like you need to take parenting classes or something" thats just me but then again I have gotten to the point now where Iam tired of fighting for his attention/affection/love/respect/or approval.

On a lighter note he may honestly , in his defense, meant something competely different than what came out of his mouth. I know its easier to say than to do but honestly look back at what you have overcome, starting this WOE and your results so far. It may help<shrugs> if you need to talk your welcome to email me mryag1@fuse.net

[scaleskl]

Re: UGH.....down......

Well Jen, you have a lot to feel good about. You have lost 1/3 of your goal weight and have been on track. Keep your head up and don't allow these feelings to turn you to food for comfort. You did the right thing by posting here to get support. I hope this helps.

[JenLynn]

Re: UGH.....down......

Thanks Mirya. I am feeling a tad bit more upbeat today. I am getting ready to blare some good music and clean house. It is actually going to be in the 60's in Kansas today so I may even clean my car out! Burn some calories!

[jimmyolsenblues]

Re: UGH.....down......

JenLynn, you have touched on a really good topic.
How our dear family changes as we change.
Its amazing, when I weighed 340lbs, I made everyone's else happiness the most important thing in my life.
Slowly as I got better, some of my relationships changed, and some of my relationships to people I loved have been put on hold.
Its amazing how uncomfortable some people in my life got the better I got.
You would think its the exact opposite.
You would think as I got healthier my extended family&best friends would be closer to me. But sadly and terribly its the opposite.
I was a big people pleaser putting myself last.
The more I took care of myself, the patience I had for people stepping on me lowered. I was a lot quicker to step up for me. I was a lot quicker to say, "Hey No , I don't want that , I don't want to do that!"
When I was 340lbs, I was happy to be a doormat to anyone.
At 264, my spine is so much stronger, I can say No to people.
The more I change to get healthier a strange thing happens, the unhealthy people in my life want the unhealthy charlie back.

Thanks for venting, as this topic of our friends and family change as we change, is the biggest in my life now. Sometimes its very painful and sad to leave unhealthy relationships behind in your growth. I know its is for me.

[blue996]

Re: UGH.....down......

My Mom says things to me too when I come home. Over Christmas it was "I remember when your bum was really small" meaning it isn't now. I just ignore it and know that next time she sees me in August I will be near goal and she'll have nothing to say.

[jrnyback2life]

Re: UGH.....down......

Hi,

This is part of what the emotional part of sabotage negating is about in my opinion. If someone says what you should be doing in such a way that it hurts your feelings, maybe it could become easier if you try and own up to the concept that even you agree you need to lose weight and work out, so next time someone says something like that earlier, say, you know -- you and i think alike which is why i am focusing on that very thing, i am feeling a lot better and that keeps me motivated to do more and i will let you know how it turns out.

First of all you are putting a positive reinforcement for yourself in there to counter any hurt this person may have deliberately or indirectly given you, you are owning up to the fact you actually agree with them instead of getting defensive in a hurt concept, and third, you have taken power from them and placed it back in your hands in terms of acknowledging your positive spin and your dedication.

In the end, its not about them its about you. We all have to admit and have admitted to ourselves that we need to lose weight and get inshape, do we really expect others to not think or want to acknowledge the same thing? If we are fat, we are fat, if we are out of shape we are out of shape, someone else acknowledging what you yourself have acknowledged should be used to create a positive reinforcement of like minds instead of negative concept that very well could sabotage us.

Does it hurt when someone we want approval from acknowledges something we ourselves aren't proud of (i.e. being out of shape, overweight, fat)? Yes it does, but we need to focus on getting to the point that perhaps you use it FOR your motivation instead of against yourself. Do we need the "unsolicited advise" nope we don't but people tend to try and let us know what we already know,some people do it in the source of caring too much, some people do it as worrying too much about others, some people do it because you don't reach their expectations.

I think a lot of what we as people who are fat especially if we acknowledge such and are working on becoming more health and not fat, need to figure out how to empower ourselves and not let others hurtful callous comments disempower us. Its not easy, i know. So what do we do about it.... if we attempt to "show" them by working hard to do this -- do we empower ourselves? No, we don't, we allow them to be our power and in doing so we allow them the ability to sabotage us by using ourselves no? That is a no no lol, don't give others power to sabotage you by using you to do so. Take the power back from them and agree with them if they think along the same lines you do, i.e., yeah i know i need to work out more, which is why i am working on that. I feel awesome which keeps me motivated to do more.

I don't know if this makes sense... trying to "show" someone to me is giving that person a lot of power because if you don't do completely what you are aiming to do -- you not only have yourself coming down on you but you have the worry of you have disppointed more than you and thereby sabotaging yourself at another level.

Learn what empowers you when you are confronted by what you see as negative comments, learn how to counter act them and not get defensive or hurt and utilize them for your own benefit -- not the ones who are callous and rude in their comments.

smiles, hope this isn't hurting anyone's feelings, i just think sometimes when we are self-conscious about something we KNOW we need to change, we give others power over us because of the "guilt" complex that they may be right. If they are, admit it, what will it hurt? Admit it and put the positive spin of making it your power instead of theirs.

[ShiningStarr]

Re: UGH.....down......

My dad use to so the same sort of thing to me. We do not have a very close relationship but we get along ok. WHen I was in in Jr. High and High School he would say things to me like I wish you would just lose some weight, or you have such a pretty face, if only you would lose weight. Comments like that really hurt a young girl and were not at all helpful coming from an overweight man. I really resent him for making comments like that to me and I know he said them realizing that they were going to hurt me but I think those comments have affected to this day.

[SandyL2002]

Re: UGH.....down......

(((JEN))) I know that hurt.. Onces I was talking to my dad and I said.. I sure am glad I don't have those addictions meaning Alcohol or Cigarettes...and then he quietly said..You have food.. I almost burst into tears... My daddy is dead..he died 5 years ago.. I would love to hear him say anything to me... at 165 you are NOT that big..