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This is going to be a little bit long-winded and more than a little self-indulgent but I really wanted to share with you guys the exact mechanisms and thoughts that went into my choosing, now, to do Induction and stick to it with all of my willpower.
A couple months ago I started seeing this guy. He was an attractive guy, but he was a chubby chaser. I am a huge person. So he was exactly what I wanted in a man at the time and I was what he wanted at the time. But I knew he didn't have long-term potential. In fact, the more I got to know him the more I was convinced that he had ZERO potential. For anything. He was 36 years old (14 years older than me,) didn't have a car or a license, had a fourteen year old kid he never saw, didn't have a job, and felt no qualms about bumming money or rides from any of his friends. And he lived in an apartment with three other people half his age.
Human beings need affection. I craved affection, but I knew, logically, and deep down in my heart that this person who always expected ME to pony up for the drinks when we went out was not who I wanted. And I started wondering about that- because I felt like, instinctively, that this should be the most I had to hope for. A worthless boyfriend who only liked me because I was fat.
And I started to wonder why I didn't want him. I started to wonder why I felt like he was not right for me. And it struck me then- the more I thought about it, the more I became convinced with the idea that I was better than this.
Why, though? I was so fat if you wrung me out I could grease every single skillet in every single McDonald's in the continental US for an hour. I had let myself go- I smoked, and deep down inside the things I was interested in weren't what most people thought of as kosher.
It was my potential. I had potential- I had the will to get better. It may not have been much, but that little errant, annoying, insistent thought that I should break it off with him was the still-glowing ember of my self-respect that I thought had died off a long, long time ago.
That idea- that I had potential- would rest in my brain for the next couple of weeks until I did some studying about weight loss techniques. I came across the Gabriel Method, and read a little bit about it. Self-hypnosis. Basically coming to terms with why you're fat, and why you've let yourself get that way.
I didn't need to spend thirty bucks on something I can do any day of the week. I lit some candles and sat and pondered about what my life had been like and how I had allowed myself to become this way. And the thing was- as I came to realize- it wasn't that I had allowed myself. I had wanted to be this way all along.
I didn't have self-respect. I didn't like other people. When I was younger every time I showed off the sparkling potential I had it made people flinch and turn away- I didn't make friends. And that's all I had craved. So I made myself non-threatening. I tried to make people laugh and sheathed my brain. I ate away my anger and frustrations. Weekends at my Dad's turned into junkfood a thons after the divorce and I associated junk food with good times.
I wanted to hide who I was- I wanted to exist for other people instead of myself. I wanted to be this person, this antithesis of a jock who was calm and polite and wouldn't hurt anyone.
But I was hurting myself. And as I sat and thought and ruminated I prayed that things would come together for me.
And they did. And my potential- the potential me, who has the power to change anything and do anything- he's guiding me from inside. And when he emerges, I'll BE him. I can do whatever I want with my life. I can be whatever I want. I'll never let my self-negligence harm me again.
So if I had any advice to give anyone who isn't sure- who doesn't know how they'll stay on-course- I'd have to sum it up like this.
1. Live for yourself. Love yourself enough to take care of YOU.
2. Embrace your potential and let it walk you through the dark times.
3. Realize that underneath- you are a star. Shine like one.
4. You have to feel confident before you can make a change to being confident.
5. You are in charge of your own destiny.
There... had to get that out, lol.
A couple months ago I started seeing this guy. He was an attractive guy, but he was a chubby chaser. I am a huge person. So he was exactly what I wanted in a man at the time and I was what he wanted at the time. But I knew he didn't have long-term potential. In fact, the more I got to know him the more I was convinced that he had ZERO potential. For anything. He was 36 years old (14 years older than me,) didn't have a car or a license, had a fourteen year old kid he never saw, didn't have a job, and felt no qualms about bumming money or rides from any of his friends. And he lived in an apartment with three other people half his age.
Human beings need affection. I craved affection, but I knew, logically, and deep down in my heart that this person who always expected ME to pony up for the drinks when we went out was not who I wanted. And I started wondering about that- because I felt like, instinctively, that this should be the most I had to hope for. A worthless boyfriend who only liked me because I was fat.
And I started to wonder why I didn't want him. I started to wonder why I felt like he was not right for me. And it struck me then- the more I thought about it, the more I became convinced with the idea that I was better than this.
Why, though? I was so fat if you wrung me out I could grease every single skillet in every single McDonald's in the continental US for an hour. I had let myself go- I smoked, and deep down inside the things I was interested in weren't what most people thought of as kosher.
It was my potential. I had potential- I had the will to get better. It may not have been much, but that little errant, annoying, insistent thought that I should break it off with him was the still-glowing ember of my self-respect that I thought had died off a long, long time ago.
That idea- that I had potential- would rest in my brain for the next couple of weeks until I did some studying about weight loss techniques. I came across the Gabriel Method, and read a little bit about it. Self-hypnosis. Basically coming to terms with why you're fat, and why you've let yourself get that way.
I didn't need to spend thirty bucks on something I can do any day of the week. I lit some candles and sat and pondered about what my life had been like and how I had allowed myself to become this way. And the thing was- as I came to realize- it wasn't that I had allowed myself. I had wanted to be this way all along.
I didn't have self-respect. I didn't like other people. When I was younger every time I showed off the sparkling potential I had it made people flinch and turn away- I didn't make friends. And that's all I had craved. So I made myself non-threatening. I tried to make people laugh and sheathed my brain. I ate away my anger and frustrations. Weekends at my Dad's turned into junkfood a thons after the divorce and I associated junk food with good times.
I wanted to hide who I was- I wanted to exist for other people instead of myself. I wanted to be this person, this antithesis of a jock who was calm and polite and wouldn't hurt anyone.
But I was hurting myself. And as I sat and thought and ruminated I prayed that things would come together for me.
And they did. And my potential- the potential me, who has the power to change anything and do anything- he's guiding me from inside. And when he emerges, I'll BE him. I can do whatever I want with my life. I can be whatever I want. I'll never let my self-negligence harm me again.
So if I had any advice to give anyone who isn't sure- who doesn't know how they'll stay on-course- I'd have to sum it up like this.
1. Live for yourself. Love yourself enough to take care of YOU.
2. Embrace your potential and let it walk you through the dark times.
3. Realize that underneath- you are a star. Shine like one.
4. You have to feel confident before you can make a change to being confident.
5. You are in charge of your own destiny.
There... had to get that out, lol.
Like you said, you do have the potential to change. 
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