My father, my weight & me

[america57]

Ok guys, just want to complain...my father is so mean to me about my weight! I saw him at Christmas time, I weighed 260, when he saw me, he just gasped! "Oh my God, you are so fat! You need to get up and move...on and on like that. Now, at that time, I was caring for my father-in-law who was in a nursing home dying from throat cancer. I'm retired on disability because I have Multiple Schlerosis, so I was the only one that could go to the nursing home every day to try to get him to eat, cheer him up, make sure that the nurses were taking care of him. It was very stressful and I ate to comfort myself. My father-in-law died February 2nd, I stated Atkins February 22nd. I HAVE LOST 31 POUNDS! I walk into my sisters birthday party and my dad immediately starts in on me about how fat I am! Now that I think about it, nobody in my family noticed that I had lost weight. So I told my dad that I had lost 31 pounds, I started to say "I'm on a new diet" He says "Don't diet, you don't need to diet, just eat less and get off your *** and move around" I just left the room. I'm 47 years old and my dad makes me feel like I'm 7! I'm sitting here crying as I write this. And I wonder if he really knows how much he's hurting me. I am doing great on Atkins, I haven't cheated since I started this WOE, but will I be able to keep the weight off once I lose it, or will the voice in my head that sounds like my dad that says I'm never good enough win?

[iyamamaschke]

My dad does the same thing he is not so harsh but, he does it and I really don't think he realizes how much it hurt you. They grew up in a different era there is no excuse for that but, obviously he is a very blunt straight forward person. I don't hink he needed to say the things he did or anything like that he is probably concerned and so he says it the way he does. I don't think he is meaning to be mean it's just how it comes from his mouth. You have done so well 31 poounds that is awesome. If it were me I would have a chat with my dad if he is open to it and explain to him how much he hurts your feelings. I did with mine and he had no idea. He said I just was so worried I didn't know what to say. He is a lot more sensitve now and thinks about what he says before he says it. I surely hope your Dad wasn't trying to mean cause I don't know in all honesty what I would do.

:hug :hug :hug :hug to you, you have done awesome and soon people will start to notice your loss, took 60 lbs for people to notice with me RRRRR keep it up and you will soon be where you want to be.

Sarah

[not2late]

I think your dad is concerned about you but he just expressing it in a way that sounds like criticism rather than concern.

Next time you see him, tell him you took his advice. You're eating less (less carbs that is) and you got off your *** and now move around more (that non-negotiable exercise Dr. Atkins talks about).

I think he'll be very proud that you are losing weight and making a positive change in your life.

:hug

[californiacasey]

Is your Dad overweight? Is he like this in other areas? Has he tried to control other areas of your life? Does your Dad have self-confidence issues of his own? The reason I ask is because he could be putting this on you as a reflection of what he doesn't like about himself.

Congratulations on the 31 pounds!!! That is something to be proud of. You are doing great. You may not be getting the support you need from your family right now, BUT you can come here and get support!

Try to think of what it is about him that would make him want to hurt you. From your story it seems unprovoked.

Give it some positive thoughts as to where its coming from and it may help you deal/combat OR ignore it.

Kepp up the good work!!!
:hug

[wannabethintoo]

Stand up to your Dad and tell him NO MORE! Tell him that if he can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all. Don't listen to his voice in your head. Listen to your own voice. You are doing a great, you look great and you must also feel great. You've accomplished a lot and should be proud regardless of what others think. A few more pounds and everyone will start to notice so hold tight.

You know you can do it and keep it off. Just keep coming here. We'll cheer you up and cheer you on.

[dreamof145]

:hug

I have a step father that is exactly like that. Nothing I've ever done in my whole life has made him proud or happy. I spent (no wasted) most of my life trying to get his approval and make him treat me with as much love and pride as he shows to his own daughters. He never has.

I am happy now. I don't live to please him. I don't even care what he thinks or how he feels about me. I live my life to make ME happy and to do for my husband and kids and true friends.

We are proud of you for losing the 30+ pounds. We understand and love you and are here for you. Some people will complain and be rude to you no matter what you do. Once they see that their rude comments and bad behavior doesn't make an impact in your life, then you have taken the power they hold over your emotions.

You are doing a fantastic job. You are a wonderful person and you deserve to be happy and healthy.

[Perry]

Chris, people will notice eventually and all this will be worth the effort you've made to better yourself.

I'm the same age as you and if my father said those things to me I would just reply in my best Clark Gable voice "Frankly, Dad... I don't give a damn" but then again I don't have a relationship with him anyway.

[Isabeau]

Ahhh...families and friends. Don'tcha just love em. The bottom line is, we're doing this for ourselves. For our health. You're doing fantastic and I know you can continue with this wol. We're all here to support you along the way.

[Becky Sue]

Chriss,
We are so proud of your 31 pound loss. Don't get frustrated that others are not mentioning your losses. They really may not be noticing yet. I had to lose 80 pounds before people would tell me that they noticed. so just stay on plan, lose the weight and eventually they will notice. They can't help it!!! :yes

As for your dad, all I can suggest is, Lose the weight for yourself, and don't let others discourage you. He will be so proud of you when you get this accomplished. He may compliment you and he may not. Family can be supportive and sometimes not! Just be true to yourself.

becky sue

[CherTLC4u]

Its moments like this that I am so very proud to be a member of ha family. You all are just so wonderful and caring.

Chris I know its very difficult to listen to the negativity. But "consider the source." He's obviosly a very controlling person and he (probably) thinks he is trying to help.

Two suggestions:

Next time he starts making comments like that, make up your grocery list in your mind or think of relaxing on a nice sunny beach.

Wear a thick rubber band around your wrist and every time you start hearing his voice in your head ... snap that rubber band :yikes

Its difficult to remember to do these things because you get so stressed out during these moments.

We are here to give you unlimited support and encoragement, so stick with us!

[divaindubai]

Dear Chris,

You don't need to put up with this! I grew up with my maternal gramma down my throat at the age of 9, because I was the bigger built out of the three sisters. I wasn't even a fat kid, I was and still am big boned and when I was a kid I would have a small layer of fat , but you would never see my pictures saying oh she was such a fat kid!! That's how my dieting yo yo started with HER.....

One advice a counsellor of mine taught me a few years ago when i was having problems with my own family (parents, etc), is that YOU give THEM choices. It really works... For instance, I was feeling powerless and down about myself and my place in the family. And one time I remember telling my father (tried the advice on choices from the counsellor) and gave HIM the choice on how he should treat me. NOONE has the right to talk to you like your father has been!!! NO ONE. Next time you talk to your father, tell him this .....

"Dad I know you love me, but I am not going to take your negative talk about me, and you have the choice to be respectful of who I am AND my body, or I will not be able to be around you in the room. Its up to you."


Something like that....I swear it will work! It might make him angry at first taht you are taking those steps, but you will feel more powerful if you give HIM the choice, and don't be shy about it.

remember taht NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO TALK TO YOU LIKE THAT!!

cheers girl.... way to go on your loss...that is a big achievement!

:hug

[soliwit]

I think mostly everybody already said all the wise words there are, I just wanted to give you this to strenthgen you even a bit more:
:hug :hug :hug :hug :hug :hug :hug :hug :hug :hug

You are YOU and you are WONDERFULL !!!!

And 31 pounds is just SO amazing, you're doing very VERY well !!!

[america57]

My dad does have reasons for what he does. I'm the middle child of 14 children, 10 girls, 4 boys all from the same parents. My mother was overweight and had a pulmonary embollisom when she was 54 and I was 16. I was the oldest girl at home at the time and had 6 younger brothers and sisters to help my dad raise. I think that's when he started expecting me to be perfect. I had to do everything just like my mother did it or it wasn't good enough. Looking back now, I see that I was just a kid myself, but at the time, I felt very grown up and responsible and wanted my dad to be happy again. He took a lot of his grief over losing my mother out on me.

Three years ago, my over-weight sister Joanne died suddenly from a pulomony embolisom, she was only 52 years old. I think my dad sees my weight and panics because he thinks I will end up the same way.

I was talking to my DH about this, he says he thinks I should go see a therapist and talk about everything that happened when my mom died. He thinks my overeating started then and it's true, I have comforted myself with food in the past but I'm getting stonger.

Oh, I lost 2 more pounds this week!

[Sarah1341]

Congratulations on your 33 pounds gone! That is wonderful. Keep up the good work! Very sorry to hear about your troubles with your dad, but you have received a lot of good advice from everyone. :yes

[texwife&mom]

Good for you for recognizing that he is wrong, and what motivates him. One of the hardest things to realize once you are grown is that your parents are just people. They use what they are given as best they can. They screw up. It is important to know that even tho they love you, that does not make their actions right. You don't have to tell them this as long as you know it yourself. Way to go for taking back your life from food & from a controling parent. And congratulations on choosing a wonderful and supportive hubby. (aren't they great!!!) :hug