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Reports of scales terrorizing their owners continue to flood the air ways around the world.
Once thought of as a handy household helper the reports of bathroom scales are on what appears to be a rampage to undermine the self esteem and motivation of their human owners. Scientists and Law enforcement are working together to contain the horror. However our battle against the invasion of the scales has just begun and the final outcome is at best, speculative.
"It's like Orsen Wells War of the Worlds - but worse because this time it's real. These scales have been living right under our noses for decades, posing as our friends and companions. Yet all the while plotting to undermine our will and control our lives" Stated Renowned Scientist Dr. Carbfree
Additional sightings of renegade scale Mobs have been reported from The US, the UK, and Canada, From small townships to major metropolitan cities.
"We're dealing with a malicious alien force here. Scales have not only been quietly improving their technology - but have discovered powerful means to enslave humans into multiple weigh ins. Some people are so effected they weigh themselves continuously day and night, it's beyond tragic" Said Dr. Use A. Tapemeasure
Local law enforcement is urging everyone not to stay inside but rather get out and walk or of you're able run or jog.
" For additional safety lock your scale away and let it know whose boss. Weighing yourself occasionally is fine providing you're not an emotional slave to the information the scale gives you. Scale owners need to use common sense and realize these machines are no match for the human spirit" Advised Officer Profat - of the Global Homeland Security Council
This reporter is currently holding his own scale at bay with a cattleprod.
Once thought of as a handy household helper the reports of bathroom scales are on what appears to be a rampage to undermine the self esteem and motivation of their human owners. Scientists and Law enforcement are working together to contain the horror. However our battle against the invasion of the scales has just begun and the final outcome is at best, speculative.
"It's like Orsen Wells War of the Worlds - but worse because this time it's real. These scales have been living right under our noses for decades, posing as our friends and companions. Yet all the while plotting to undermine our will and control our lives" Stated Renowned Scientist Dr. Carbfree
Additional sightings of renegade scale Mobs have been reported from The US, the UK, and Canada, From small townships to major metropolitan cities.
"We're dealing with a malicious alien force here. Scales have not only been quietly improving their technology - but have discovered powerful means to enslave humans into multiple weigh ins. Some people are so effected they weigh themselves continuously day and night, it's beyond tragic" Said Dr. Use A. Tapemeasure
Local law enforcement is urging everyone not to stay inside but rather get out and walk or of you're able run or jog.
" For additional safety lock your scale away and let it know whose boss. Weighing yourself occasionally is fine providing you're not an emotional slave to the information the scale gives you. Scale owners need to use common sense and realize these machines are no match for the human spirit" Advised Officer Profat - of the Global Homeland Security Council
This reporter is currently holding his own scale at bay with a cattleprod.
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