Need to blow off steam!

[america57]

Our 23 year old has moved back home with us after graduating from college waiting to see if he has gotten into graduate school in the fall. He is a good kid, we are happy to have him here, he is working and paying off his student loans, so we are happy to help....but....he is having such an impact on our household! My hubby & I had gotten used to being here alone again and we were really having a good time, now we have this kid again, who hears everything! We can be having a quiet, private conversation in the living room, he can be all the way down the hallway in his bedroom and he will suddenly pipe up and give us his opinion about the conversation we have been having. Forget about sex, I will not have sex when he is home, and he is always home! Anyway, I'm all curled up nice and cozy on the sofa last night watching a movie, I had not had any snacks the entire evening. My last meal had been dinner at 7:00, I wasn't feeling hungry at all. All the sudden, I smell food cooking! He is making fajatia's at midnight! He then proceeded to come into the living room and eat them in front of me! I lost it! I know he is a skinny young man who has no idea what a struggle it is to try to lose weight! Anyway, after he got up all insulted and went to his bedroom, I went in the kitchen and snuck a spoonful of peanut butter. I'm on the 2nd rung of OWL, I'm not suppose to have nuts yet. I wasn't even hungry! Just pissed off! Anyway, I talked to my hubby and we are putting our foot down, no cooking, no doing laundry, no other day time activity after 9:00 pm! I know he's a night owl, but he needs to consider himself a guest in our house! Oh, and by the way, he left the cooking mess in the sink for me to clean, he didn't even run water in the pan he used. Please everyone, pray the kid gets into Grad school!

[ttdriver]

Re: Need to blow off steam!

Good for you, putting your foot down!! He's got to remember, ITS YOUR HOUSE, THEREFORE YOUR RULES APPLY! (maybe if he gets mad, he'll leave?)

Betty

[Eleonore]

Re: Need to blow off steam!

is it your son you are talking about????

[BeccaResRN]

Re: Need to blow off steam!

I think those rules you propose are perfectly reasonable...this is your house, you are helping him out, he is a guest son or not, and should be able to abide by those guidelines. He can go hang out at someone elses house if he wants to late night it.

You are more than accomadating for allowing him to stay with you he should be adult enough by now to be able to understand that you would like him to follow this guidelines, just talk to him, if he is behaving as an adult he will understand, and if not it is he that has the problem.

LOl...If you want to head out to hang out somewhere else just tell him you think you will be having sex...for most adult children the thought of their parents possibly having sex would clear them right out....JUst Kidding Of course

[BlueSkies]

Re: Need to blow off steam!

sweetie,

i make my 6 year old son clean up after himself - you're looking at another 6 months with him in the house if he gets into grad school in the fall - establish some very strict house rules and make him adhere to them - little things like *cleaning up after yourself!* *respecting your parent's privacy* and don't feel guilty about it - you are extending a courtesy to him and you need to make sure the household operates in a way that suits you and your husband - and your son should be mature enough to understand your point of view and respect your wishes.

ew, i sound really harsh don't i? ok, so maybe i'm a little tired of cleaning up after everyone . . . and i really hope our kids don't boomerang back after college. lol really i don't! i feel so sorry for you!

[cstraq]

Re: Need to blow off steam!

Oh boy! Have I been in your shoes! I understand your frustation and I have to admit I have never done a very good job and correcting my mess either - just complain to my husband alot. Even when I think I handle it the "right" way without getting angry, she blows up and gets mad, making me think I'm in the wrong. Our kids know how to hit our buttons to get what they want. I think it's harder as moms to not let this get to us.

Even this weekend, my daughter came over and stayed Friday night. Came back Sat. afternoon to pick up the baby - got in my refrigerator and ate 3 slices of bacon without asking. Can I even tell you how mad that made me? It probably sounds stupid to someone without the situation themselves. I just can't win when I try to talk to her about what bothers me - so I feel stuck.

Maybe my mistakes will help someone else! In a way, it helps to know someone else goes through the same thing! Sorry I don't have the answers to help!!!

[BlueSkies]

Re: Need to blow off steam!

it might be fun to turn the tables - and do to them the very things that irritate the snot out of you! it may not help the situation, but wouldn't it be fun lol!

houseguests just haven't lasted long term for me, and i really don't feel bad about it. when we were first married and our oldest was maybe 6 months old, one of hubby's good friends left his wife and moved in with us. the first time he came in at 1am in my house with his drunk buddies and some girls they had picked up at a club - and woke up my child with their idiocy - was the last time. asta la bye bye!

you're both much nicer than i am - i have absolutely no tolerance for rudeness. but it must really hurt when it comes from your grown children - how sad!

[ttdriver]

Re: Need to blow off steam!

If you want to head out to hang out somewhere else just tell him you think you will be having sex...for most adult children the thought of their parents possibly having sex would clear them right out....

TERRIFIC IDEA!!! Tell him his mother has turned nympho ... that oughta do it!

Betty

[cruiser gal]

Re: Need to blow off steam!

I know exactly how you feel America. When my daughter comes home (she too is studying out of town), there are ground rules that DH and I have set. Especially when it comes to cleaning her room, and any other room she goes into. Also when she comes in late, she has to be quiet, no phone calls at all hours of the night. You have to lay down some rules, as they are used to being able to do anything they want, as they are on their own. I explained it to her, using the respect word, and she had no problems with it. When we're at her place, she has some of her own ground rules for us, which we abide to as well! So don't feel bad, you did what you had to do!

[allierw26]

Re: Need to blow off steam!

Well, I am 23, and even though I haven't lived at home for several years, it was tough coming home from university during breaks. When you live on your own or in a dorm, especially, fajitas at midnight isn't at all strange! He's adjusting, too. But I can understand your frustration. All I could think when I was reading, though, was....man, I bet my mom could totally relate to this rant!

[Momtofour]

Re: Need to blow off steam!

I can understand your frustration. Hopefully you and hubby will have your paradise back soon. As far as the sex. Just do it! He will put on some headphones if he hears you. LOL I sometimes worry about what my kids hear too. But, you know what, all it says is that Mom and Dad still love each other. It might gross him out, but it is also healthy to know that sex doesn't stop when you hit 40.

[ciaobella]

Re: Need to blow off steam!

i think that your sit is hard on all sides...
i lived at home for six months 2 years ago inbetween my first college and the campaign and transfering to dc. I worked as a waitress in my hometown. I have to say that it was the WORST TIME of my life..and probably of my parents too. Independence is one of the most amazing things in the world and almost every 18-100yr old person i know values it above all else. It is really hard when that is taken away from you. You are a great mother and sooo fab for letting your son stay with you but it's probably really hard for him to be back home. He is used to setting his own schedule and doing things his way and since he is alive, has his degree and is applying to grad schools what he was doing worked for him...and now he has to change all that so that he doesn't drive you CRAZY. Which as a guest he should! Just remember how hard it is for him to move back home too, i would suggest talking to him and explaining what is hard for you with this new living arragnement and listening to what is hard for him. I wish my parents and i had had that discusssion. As of now I know that i can NEVER live at home ever...it's just too hard for all people involved...i end up eating badly not exercising and getting into massive fights with my parents with whom i usually have an extremely close realtionship with. The longest i can stand to be at home is 7 consecutive days...after that it all goes to **** in an handbasket.....

its a tough sit and i hope you all can get through it with out killing eachother

[america57]

Re: Need to blow off steam!

Thanks everyone! My DH & I had a long talk with our son yesterday and told him how we are feeling. I'm glad that I vented here first, I was very calm and unemotional and we all had a very rational discussion. It is unimaginable to him that we have a very happy life here without him, I guess he thought the whole time he was away at college, we were sitting around missing him! It turns out, we are doing some things that are anoying him too, can you imagine? It's hard having this person we thought we had sent out into the world come back here to live! So we have laid down some ground rules about respect for each other's privacy and nobody is going to cook anything after 9:00 pm, and we are all praying he gets into grad school!

[fawn]

Re: Need to blow off steam!

This thread has me cracking up........

When my youngest was 14 she said "they can't have sex, mom's fixed"