Feeling guilty

[cmooregreen]

Okay, so I had my first exercise/fiance jealousy episode last night and I feel terrible.
My fiance was a member of our gym before I started going, so I got a membership and hired a trainer to get fit and also to spend time with him. Well, I have a home, a full time job, 2 kids and all of the responsibilities that go along with it. Last night I rushed to the sitters and then to the gym to meet my trainer. I called my fiance on the way and asked if he wanted meet me there. He told me he really didn't feel like going and wanted some time to spend with me (and he said it in "the tone"). He has made the comment before that I am too busy for him, but I really don't know what to do! I can't cut out my work, kids and household chores...and I just can't quit my new healthy lifestyle that I have worked so hard to achieve! I am dedicated to going to the gym 5 days a week and try to dedicate the other 2 totally to spending family time. My fiance is SOOO wonderful but he has never had to struggle with his weight and I don't think he understands why this is so important to me.

Please tell me that someone out there has had the same experience...!

[sombersusie]

Re: Feeling guilty

I've been married for 15 years now to a great guy . I too, sometimes have those ambitions to be the ultimate super 'soccer' mom, must do everything all the time. But what im finding out is no matter how much i'll do today, (i'll get on a housecleaning bend) is that it will always always be there again for me tomorrow.
If I may put myself in your fiance's shoes for a moment (why is her trainer getting to see her 5 days a week and I only 2?)
I'm not trying to be harsh, goodness knows we women all need a break some times!
It just sounds like you're really realy busy and maybe you need to let something slide for the sake of family. I'd suggest housework, because as mentioned before, it'll always be there for you the next day. Or how bout saving the money from the trainer and getting some excersise equipment at home?
I hope you can get together with your hubby to be and work things out!
I wish you the best!!

[teejay]

Re: Feeling guilty

How about asking the fiance if he will be your trainer? I am sure he feels a bit left out of your life right now. Make him a partner in your exercise, your diet, your house chores, whatever he will be a partner in.

TJ

[tabekat]

Re: Feeling guilty

in "the tone

I don't see anything for you to feel guilty about. You asked him if he wanted to join you and he refused.

He asked you to give up your gym date and you refused.

This was a mutual decision not to meet at this time, not a situation where you shut him out.

I say ignore the tone, don't feel guilty, and do what is best for you. If he wants more time with you he knows how he can do that.

Stick to your guns gal!

[Savannah]

Re: Feeling guilty

Cristi


I dont have kids but gee i wish i had an extra hour in everyday to fit it all in. I get up at 5 now in the freezing sleet to fit my exercise in otherwise i know it will get swamped by everything else. Two jobs , a house , and a fab boyfriend who does not speak the language of housework, trying to study and focus more on my srt. by the time i do get to sit on the sofe with him im too tired to talk.

Not good for the relationship. I try to get him to exercise with me, come running on the weekend but he is always to tired or saving himself for football practice.

Well this morning - i had the last silent little giggle. He tried on his suit for an interview, the first time in a year, and he could not do up the pants!!

He turned round and said to me " we have to go running this week" Ha ha ha!

[america57]

Re: Feeling guilty

Ugh, trying to fit everything in is so hard, the kids, the work, and making time for him, AND trying to get in shape all at the same time is just so hard! I had to take it outside the gym, I would make them all walk with me everybody including the dog! it was the only way I could get in my exercise and spend a little time with each of them. At first, everybody moaned and groaned, especially when it was dark outside and I made them walk, but then, they really started looking forward to it! Now, my kids are grown and away at college, but when they come home, we always go for a family walk after dinner it gives us a chance to catch up on each other's lives.

[cmooregreen]

Re: Feeling guilty

Thanks for all of the input guys! I stayed home from the gym last night and my fiance' had to take one of the kids to their basketball game so I think it showed him that it is not ME that is the busy one! But tonight we have a babysitter and tickets to a great concert so it's all about "US" tonight. Hopefully it was just one of those stressful weeks. I know they will happen from time to time. One day we will be older, retired, the kids will be grown and gone and my fiance and I will just be staring at each other, wondering what to do with ourselves next! ( :

[Elmark]

Re: Feeling guilty

I'm the very active one at home, full time at school (37 hours) part time job (15 hours) and friends, exercise, house chores and everything. My BF asked me to slow down and do less, I told him to step it up and do more.....LOL

He didn't like it, and now he thinks I'm stressed out all the time, and when I look tired he makes a big deal of it....

But he is a great guy, and I love him. But my life and health comes first!!!