I still feel the same ... help

[Yoly1001]

Hi guys,

Dr. A has helped me deal with the fat on my body. I have lost 75 pounds, gone from a size 22 to a size 10.

I guess what I need to figure out now is how to deal with the fat in my head. I still feel the same, I still have the same insicurities. I look in the mirror and still see my fat thighs and my stomach that isn't perfectly smooth. I look for all of the imperfections instead of appreciating my transformed body. I don't know how to stop this. I have big self esteem issues.

At first when I was losing a lot I noticed men would stare at me as I walked by, at first this would terrify me, now I enjoy it. I wear short skirts and heels just to see their reactions. So I am enjoying the benefits of my weight loss, but at times I find myself slipping into old patterns of thought. I dog myself all the time, I look at all my negative attributes, and question why other people are interested in me. These crazy ideas run through my head a lot and I have to consciously push them out of my brain and remember that that's not ME anymore.

I guess I thought that once I lost the fat it would solve all of my problems, but ultimatly my self worth issues are still there. I get told I'm beautiful and i've made amazing progress often, and I can see it on some levels. but this small part inside of me refuses to let go of the old image i had of myself. It's in there and i feel it punching me every now in then.

"your not thin enough" punch.

"it's all in your head that you've made progress" punch, etc.

Does anyone else have these issues. It might sound a bit nuts but I'm wondering if anyone else has had to deal with this. I'm scared that that negative voice is never going to go away, I"m 165 now, not super thin but what I would definatly consider "normal" for my height, I never thought I'ld make it to 165 from 240 but yet I'm here and I still have this voice in my head. Will it still be there at 140 when I"m at goal? And if it is will I buy into it, will I become one of these women that lose so much weight they look ill because they can't seem to get rid of that negative droning occuring between their ears. I can definatly see how that happens to people and I don't want to go there.

For those of you who have experienced this, or are currently experiencing this, what have you done to eliminate this toxic thinking?

Thanks in advance, and for taking the time to read this long post.

[sombersusie]

Re: I still feel the same ... help

well if you're following the plan i'd doubt it that you could ever lose enough weight to look ill... after all you'd still be eating healthy. I think ultimately it is about accepting yourself for who you are...

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

[SkaPaladin]

Re: I still feel the same ... help

Well, I do get that feeling occasionally, where I feel that I will never be good enough. I get compliments from people all the time, that I have lost so much, and I look really good, but, sometimes, I just feel like I won't ever get to where I want to be. Maybe it's because I'm stocky, but I remember when I was a kid. Scrawny would be a word to describe me. I wouldn't want to be scrawny as an adult, but I would definitely like to be slender. Not so muscle-y. So my issue won't really go away, because I can't lose muscle, only fat. However, you, know for a fact, that you are being admired, and you do your part to let people know how good you look. Just keep telling yourself that you know you look good. Remind yourself that you have done so much.. Every time you have a negative thought, remember that positive thought, and eventually, the negative will go away.

I'm working on my arrogance. My roommate hates it, because she thinks she's too good for me, and now she's beginning to second guess herself.

Once you get the confidence, keep at it. Make that confidence a part of you, don't let it fade out because your aren't used to it.

[dreamof145]

Re: I still feel the same ... help

You are experiencing what we all do. I think it comes with a big change that me make in our lives. I had heard this many times...so when I started this journey...I invested time in mental outlook tapes and books, trying to make myself realize why I had let my body become overweight and what it would take to make me internally happy.

Losing weight is always the first thing we put on our list of things that will improve our lives. What we need to realize is that the problems and insecurities that we have in our minds aren't eliminated along with the fat. Its scary to see that although we have a new body...we are still the same person and think the same as we did when we were heavier.

What I can say about losing the weight is that it made me stronger mentally. I still have problems (family, health, work related, etc..), but I have a better attitude and no longer blame my weight on all the issues in my life.

The negative voices and images that we have of ourselves are ones that we've had for years and years. They won't go away by losing weight. I believe we have to work at changing our mental attitudes and the way we see ourselves. We are not just a body. We have so much to offer others, and losing the weight only helps them to take us more seriously. I've had problems with this issue too, so I can only say that the more you help others, keep focused on being healthy and active and try to improve your life and the way you react to issues you face...then the easier it is to accept yourself and be proud of what you've accomplished.

Losing the weight didn't make me become a different person but it made me become a better person.

[ladyinred]

Re: I still feel the same ... help

Congratulations Yoly! You've done so well and you look great and you truly are an inspiration to me. I'm not where you are yet in terms of weight loss, but I find I run myself down a lot. That's why I keep telling myself I deserve to do this. I don't know if this will help, but maybe you should try replacing the negative with the positive. Kind of like brainwashing your own self. Even if you don't believe it, apparently if you keep saying it then your brain starts to believe it. So daily you should say things like "I am strong and beautiful" "I am sexy and slender" "I am lovely inside and out" and then after a while they will start to sink in. This is what I am trying to do myself because it's so easy to believe the negative about ourselves and not so easy to believe the positive. We have to become our own cheerleaders. I hope this helps because you truly are beautiful and you should be happy too.

[freckles]

Re: I still feel the same ... help

I read somewhere once that it takes the mind a year to catch up with the body in physical transformation.

Something like, women who had breast reductions would still fear jumping up and down because they were afraid their breasts would hurt their shoulders.... it took them a full year to subconsciously be able to let go of that... and to jump without thinking about their breasts first.

Your body has slimmed down incredibly.... but your mind takes some time to get used to that transformation. But you're right that part of that peace is an internal acceptance of who you are, what God has made you to be, and where you're at right now. I don't know any way to find that other than to pray about it!

Hugs!

[Brook]

Re: I still feel the same ... help

Yoly - You're SO not alone in how you feel and your perspective. You and I have talked about this before. I'll be a 4 year long Atkineer here in a couple of days and I *still* have mega-issues at times with the "fat in my head", as you said.

I know logically that I'm not fat anymore. I know logically I'm in great shape. I know what I see when I see pictures of myself because it blows me away. The lady that shows up in those pictures isn't always the lady I see when I look in the mirror.

I too believed that losing all the weight would magically transform all the problems in my life. I blamed a lot of things in my life on the weight I was carrying and I just *knew* that when I lost it everything would be better. It's quite a wake-up call, isn't it?

I don't know what the answer is, my friend. Here's what I do know:

-This is a journey, not a destination.
-Time and persistance will carry us through.
-We have to find more ways to recognize and guage our self worth than by using the size/shape of our bodies to tell us who we are!
-Recognizing the patterns of negative thought and self destruction is MORE than half the battle. You've done that and it gives you a place to start and continue to work from.

In the back of my head there will always be that fat lady who felt like crap about herself and used food as a drug. I have to keep that lady in check and I have to remind myself that I am NOT that lady anymore. It's not so much a daily battle for me anymore, so I can tell you that it will get better

You've come so far, done such an incredible job, inspired and supported hundreds of people by virtue of sharing your journey and yourself. You're amazing, Yoly. Be kind to our friend (YOU!) because she deserves it

Chin up, my friend.
Hugs.
~Brook

[Kiasmama]

Re: I still feel the same ... help

I dont' have an answer...I just want you to know....like the others said...you are NOT alone or nuts.

I think it's harder than people think to have good self esteem. With all the labels society puts on us and reinforces how can it not be. Everyone's worth seems to be defined by how pretty they are to others, how much money you make, how good looking your significant other is, what kind of job you have.....silly stuff really. How many times a day do people actually talk about positive stuff? Critisizm seems to be the thing to do.

What helped me out a bit was volunteering at the SPCA. How can it not? Maybe doing something like that....meals on wheels. The people at the shelter were definately all shape, sizes, looks and they were all so caring. It just really helped my perspective with things.

I wish I had the magic answer. But...I do think your thoughts will change in time. But it might take some time and effort from you. Most of us deserve much better than we give ourselves. Making yourself feel good just wasn't in the equation...it was selfish..and we can't be selfish. You need to allow yourself to feel GOOD. It takes practice....and might be uncomfortable at first. But stick with it...and eventually......feeling good will become the norm. Good luck

[Yoly1001]

Re: I still feel the same ... help

Thanks you all for your wonderful ideas and support. It really helps me to know that i am not the only one dealing with these self worth issues.

I will definatly try some of the mental excercises that you guys recomended. I really appreciate you guys' input.

(((Brook)))), thanks sweetie, you said the perfect thing, the exact thing I needed to hear. All of you did.