Newbie with an emotional rant

[kiki_chrissy]

Okay, I've been keeping the following rant/frustration between myself, my husband, and my dear friend Brook, but it's time to throw it out into the universe so a change can occur:

I am ballooning! I have hit my high in weight again, just below 190#, but worse off, I LOOK at my largest! I don't know if the scrubs were just too forgiving before so I didn't notice it, or if my *** really is blowing up to the size of Garfield in the Macy's Parade! I also can see it in my tummy. I just look big, round, and out of shape.

I have been bottling this up inside for so long, and feeling worse and worse about myself. Every day I tell myself some bullshit goal about how few calories I'll eat for the day, or how I'll avoid all carbs for two whole weeks to boost my "diet", but I never make it past 5pm. I allow all caution to disapear as the sun goes down at night. Worse off, I am usually home alone with the kids, and Ian tends to get me stressed out at the end of the day. Like yesterday, I was doing great with low-carbing it by consuming only a salad as my veggies, and then some pea-pods with dinner. But about 30 minutes after dinner, I got the cravings. I ended up eating a chocolate bar, three tablespoons of peanut butter, and then I went to bed with a bag of tortilla chips and salsa! I then washed it down with a glass of milk and went to sleep hating myself once again.

I had a great perspective for my day-to-day issue. I'm going to take the AA approach and just go "One meal at a time". No more long term goals, because they don't feel attainable. Even if it's for a week, if on day #2 I screw up, the rest of the week I allow myself to fall completely off because "I've already messed it up." So, with "one meal at a time" I don't feel as if my last screw up affects my ability to be good with this current meal at hand.

Now I need the motivation/strength to handle the evening binges. I hope by writing this up here I'll get some friendships to help me with my struggle. If you are still reading this, thank you so much! I'm feeling very weak on my own, and your support will do wonders!!!

~Kiki

[not2late]

Re: Newbie with an emotional rant

Hi and welcome.

You revealed alot in your rant. Particularly you fall apart in the evenings due to stress.

It's good that you've identified these things. Now, you have to figure out coping mechanisms to deal with it!

So you're super-stressed out during the evenings...and that weakens your resolve and you eat.

You'll need to work with your family on this but maybe you can negotiate a "Mom's hour"? Just a hour of time for you to take care of you and to decompress. Lock the door and soak in the tub or go out for a walk or read or just sit there to catch your breath and think about what happened during the day?

[Kimberly_P]

Re: Newbie with an emotional rant

Hi there, while reading your post I definately saw myself there before starting Atkin's. I had reached my highest weight at 272 pounds and realized something had to be done. Like you I am also home all day with three children who eat all sorts of the stuff I used to crave. Induction was hard for the first few days because in the evenings I would also get the cravings and I think it was out of boredom that I wanted to eat but I haven't cheated once and I know if I can do it so can you Trust me if you go by what the book and the advice everyone on here gives you will be able to do this with no problem at all. Good luck to you!

[Vampyre]

Re: Newbie with an emotional rant

This time it's going to be different. If you haven't read the book, please read it. I know you don't want any more time goals, but you are going to do a two week induction on this plan. To do it, you are going to get ready by buying things that you can eat without cheating. During these first two weeks, you are going to kill that hunger monster. You are going to do this by tossing out the callorie concious mentality. I don't care what else you eat at breakfast, but you need to eat a couple of slices of bacon or ham. Instead of chips and salsa at bedtime, have some pepperoni slices and cheese. Don't forget the veggies. Have them with some nice full fat but low carb dressing and don't forget butter. Drink your water. Losing weight is thirsty work. I know that it goes against every diet under the sun, but every time you feel like cheating, eat something that isn't a cheat. Two very wonderful things will happen. The fats you are now very much allowed to eat will cause your brain to release chemicals telling your body you are satiated and feel full. Two weeks on induction will break the addition you are feeling for carbs and sugars.

I'm one of those people who didn't think they could make it on this way of eating because I LOVE chocolate. I had days on weight watchers where I exchanged a meal for chocolate. I've been doing Atkins for 9 months and now I could care less about it. There is everything needed to make smores in the cabinet for my kids, and it's not calling my name.

[Suzanne_H]

Re: Newbie with an emotional rant

Welcome, Kiki! I'm not new to Atkins, but restarting. Some strategies I've used so far to help me avoid binging or giving in to cravings have been...

... prepare quick snacks in advance, easy to munch on. Part of the appeal of junk food is the convenience. I keep ziplock baggies of celery sticks and jicama sticks in water with a little lemon juice, also washed and trimmed broccoli and cauliflower florets. Creamy caesar is my favorite dip of late.

... keep a running record of my eating habits using FitDay (http://www.fitday.com). It helps me to see if I'm eating for fuel or for boredom or emotional upheavals.

... keep a journal here on the boards. http://www.atkinsdietbulletinboard.c...splay.php?f=31 You'll be pleasantly surprized with the support and encouragement offered on the journals.

... water, water, water... at least 64 oz a day keeps my motor going and helps fill me up.

... exercise... especially a good cardio workout will tend to curb my appetite and strengthen my resolve to stay true to myself.

... if I'm going to cheat, must cheat, can't help it the cheat's gonna happen, I try to skip a rung instead of going for the empty calories. A handful of nuts or some strawberries or an apple or a bowl of cottage cheese won't hit my system with quite the same ravaging effects as chips or popcorn or sugary sweets.

[fawn]

Re: Newbie with an emotional rant

First....get back into ketosis. That is the most helpful thing you can do. Cut the appetite.
I too have night time munchie struggle.
If I feel like eating something it is ALWAYS legal. I always have a bowl of sugar free hard candy on my coffee table. I only allow myself two and never do I allow myself aspartame sweetened candy. It's usually sorbitol. Werthers sf is good. AGAIN only 2
If I feel hungry, I will make a hot cereal with flax meal and 2 strawberries smashed in it with a couple tablespoons of heavy cream. This is a feel good snack that is incredibly high in fiber.
You can do this one meal at a time....one day at a time. for yourself and yourself only.

[Brook]

Re: Newbie with an emotional rant

KIKI!!!

I'm SO proud of you! Putting it out into the universe is something that I *have* to do to stay on track.

Girl, you are many things, but ALONE in this endeavor isn't one of them. I happen to know that you have a next door neighbor that loves you, adores you, and will support you in any and every way possible. I'm right here!!!

The people on this board are absolutely fantastic. Not only will they support you and cheer you on, they'll kick your butt when you need it. You've come to the right place.


Love you, girl!

Now let's do the dayum thing!

[Sheshy]

Re: Newbie with an emotional rant

Welcome kiki!

This is a great place to visit when the urge to eat hits! There's usually a good bunch of folks here to talk it out!

[kiki_chrissy]

Re: Newbie with an emotional rant

Thanx for the advice! I wish I could just go soak in the tub, but I'm home alone with the little ones. Once daddy gets home though, it's all good!

~Kiki

[kiki_chrissy]

Re: Newbie with an emotional rant

Okay, for whatever reason I can't post to indivdual responses. So thank you to everyone!

Brook, I'm so glad you brought me here.

All, you have some great advise and reminders for me! I read the book 6 mo ago, but thank you for reminding me to pull it off the shelf agian and get into Ketosis.

[wannabethintoo]

Re: Newbie with an emotional rant

Does someone need some butt kicking in here? Me first, me first....just kidding...for now.

Welcome Kiki.

[Roshen]

Re: Newbie with an emotional rant

you are amazing, just to write down how you feel and what you want to do.
thank you for sharing it with us

[not2late]

Re: Newbie with an emotional rant

Thanx for the advice! I wish I could just go soak in the tub, but I'm home alone with the little ones. Once daddy gets home though, it's all good!

~Kiki

Well, start a "Daddy hour" program in the evenings. Dad gets to spend alone-time with the kids and you get to spent alone-time with you It's a win-win from my point of view.

"Daddy hour" can also have a special week-end program where Dad spents time with the kids for several hours, while you get some time alone.

[G-Mom]

Re: Newbie with an emotional rant

Kiki, I was going to suggest what fawn suggested, and that is to get yourself into ketosis and stay there! My weak time was the evening pre-Atkins as well. There was a time when I would end my day with a giant bowl of ice cream every night. It's no wonder I ballooned up to over 300 lbs!

Let me tell you that the weeks to months before seeing pleasing results is the toughest time. It is the red zone, I think. It is when most of us see the opportunity to cheat and return to carb laden eating simply because we can't see the results this WOE has on our bodies. Seeing the results in others just isn't enough.

Your first goal is to get yourself past the red zone and see some results. When you get there you are less likely to backtrack because you won't want to stop seeing that better body in the mirror, plus it is motivating to see how much better you will look in a month or two.

I have kids, Kiki, two very rambunctious young boys who stress me out terribly. You need to be stronger than the stress. Sadly, when we have kids, we have loads of crappy foods around. This is the way it is at my house, but I plan and I put myself and my health first. "Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels." This is a saying everyone has heard, but it gets me through the tough times. I just think about those size 12 jeans I am going to fit into someday, and I get through it. So can you!!!

[2big4mysize]

Re: Newbie with an emotional rant

since you can't get away occupy your hands and mind borrow a tape from Brook that you and the little ones can do together and then workout spending some quality time wiuth them and your body. if they are little use them for the resistance training part of your atkins. Hard to eat and get stressed holding a kid in your hands doing bench presses with them just think bicep curls shoulder presses tricept extentions all with a big kiss from your little one at the end of each ( so they don't squirm or get scared and you got an excuse to bring them back to face level) after you have worked out you and the kids will be so stress relessed food should not be an issue. If you wear them out enough they should be ready for bed by the time daddy gets home and then you and he can well....