DH Dilema Need Help

**dreamof145** · October 27, 2006, 08:27 AM

Re: DH Dilema Need Help

Has your husband been supportive of your new way of life? I think the only thing you can do is to put it out there for him. Sit down and have a serious talk about why you want to lose the weight and your plan for doing it. Tell him that you would appreciate his support and cooperation with this. I'd tell him that you are going to order according to your plan and that he can order his meal. If you tell it like it is, your health is important to you, your weight loss will make your life better and make you a better wife cause you'll be happier and feel better. It has nothing to do with your love for him or that you don't appreciate going out to a fav place. Its about you. That is one thing that our families don't get when we start this WOE. For me, I was always doing for them and when I finally started putting my health and my happiness in priority...it threatened them. They felt that I was changing and that it was going to mean I didn't love them as much or wouldn't be there for their needs like I'd always been. My family now knows that my WOE is my top priority. They've seen the struggles I had and I think they respect me more.

When it comes down to it, it is up to you. You have to stick up for yourself. You are important. If you don't take care of yourself...then you won't be healthy or satisfied.

Also, make plans on the days you go to the places you think you will have problems. Eat before you go, or call ahead and find out what you can/can't have. Drink lots of water. Its not the food that makes being with your husband special...its being with him and enjoying the company and attention. Be strong. You can do it!

**not2late** · October 27, 2006, 08:28 AM

Re: DH Dilema Need Help

Originally posted by stickin2it

Hi Guys,

I am need of some help here... as some of you may know I am moving in 2 weeks. We are moving to a new city a couple of hours from where we live now... here is my dilema: my DH wants to go to all our "special" places to eat before we leave. These places are mom n pop places, hole in the wall places we've found, one of a kind, etc. I can probably manuever and hold strong in most of the places. But there are one or two that DH is insisting that we have our "usuals". We even got into a arguement over it last night!

He wanted to go to this place called Deli Lane. We used to get potato skin fondue, quiche and fruit. I tried to explain that I would not be able to eat these things, but since he is one of those eat a lb of sugar, pizza, french fry eating not gain a lb people, he does not understand!

So, what can I do???? HELP!!! I have sat him down and tried to explain why I am doing this, how I feel at this weight, etc. But he keeps saying it is the LAST time we are going to go to these places. Our last memory of it... some of these places we have gone for anniversarys, bday, etc... and to just get back to this when we get up there!

I am really trying not to cave and of course he is not helping

So, I NEED you guys...

Any ideas/words that can help me... I would REALLY appreciate it!!!

Eat the fondue, not the potato skins. Eat the quiche innards, not the crust. Ditto with the pizza, eat the toppings, not the crust. Avoid the fruit. (unless you've moved to OWL and can eat fruit). So have your "usuals", but eat the parts that are okay for your phase of Atkins.

Most of all, tell your hubby that you want to spend time with HIM, because that's more important than a pizza, right? So while he's inhaling that food, enjoy your time with him. Talk about old times. Talk about anticipating new times.

**stickin2it** · October 27, 2006, 08:36 AM

Re: DH Dilema Need Help

Originally posted by dreamof145

Has your husband been supportive of your new way of life? I think the only thing you can do is to put it out there for him. Sit down and have a serious talk about why you want to lose the weight and your plan for doing it. Tell him that you would appreciate his support and cooperation with this. I'd tell him that you are going to order according to your plan and that he can order his meal. If you tell it like it is, your health is important to you, your weight loss will make your life better and make you a better wife cause you'll be happier and feel better. It has nothing to do with your love for him or that you don't appreciate going out to a fav place. Its about you. That is one thing that our families don't get when we start this WOE. For me, I was always doing for them and when I finally started putting my health and my happiness in priority...it threatened them. They felt that I was changing and that it was going to mean I didn't love them as much or wouldn't be there for their needs like I'd always been. My family now knows that my WOE is my top priority. They've seen the struggles I had and I think they respect me more.

When it comes down to it, it is up to you. You have to stick up for yourself. You are important. If you don't take care of yourself...then you won't be healthy or satisfied.

Also, make plans on the days you go to the places you think you will have problems. Eat before you go, or call ahead and find out what you can/can't have. Drink lots of water. Its not the food that makes being with your husband special...its being with him and enjoying the company and attention. Be strong. You can do it!

We had the talk...I gave him the book, we talked for almost an hour... I have told him over and over how it is, but it has not helped! He tries to be supportive, but only to an extent!

**dotsamantha** · October 27, 2006, 08:37 AM

Re: DH Dilema Need Help

Isn't a memory more about the exerience and feelings shared than what you actually **do**?You're not doing this for yourself, but for him as well.

**stickin2it** · October 27, 2006, 08:39 AM

Re: DH Dilema Need Help

Originally posted by not2late

Eat the fondue, not the potato skins. Eat the quiche innards, not the crust. Ditto with the pizza, eat the toppings, not the crust. Avoid the fruit. (unless you've moved to OWL and can eat fruit). So have your "usuals", but eat the parts that are okay for your phase of Atkins.

Most of all, tell your hubby that you want to spend time with HIM, because that's more important than a pizza, right? So while he's inhaling that food, enjoy your time with him. Talk about old times. Talk about anticipating new times.

Thanks for the info ... I was thinking about how I could get around their food last night at about 3am!

I may take celery sticks to use with the fondue.

I have told him we can go to these places... I'll just have to work around him trying to order and feed me these things...

It does not help that he likes me this size

**G-Mom** · October 27, 2006, 08:40 AM

Re: DH Dilema Need Help

Why do guys sometimes do this?! It's just food! Sorry, but it peeves me. Maybe you could "make it up to him" by doing "you know what" in each room of your old house, you know "for old times sake" if he just lays off you about these eateries. Sounds like a reasonable trade to me...

**stickin2it** · October 27, 2006, 08:42 AM

Re: DH Dilema Need Help

Originally posted by dotsamantha

Isn't a memory more about the exerience and feelings shared than what you actually **do**?You're not doing this for yourself, but for him as well.

I understand what you are all saying about the memories, experience, just spending time together, but for him it still includes the foods, wines, drinks, etc.
That is what I am trying to get around... He knows I want to spend time with him and that is more important than food to me...but it is a package deal still for him... I am sure we can all understand that...we were once like that too! I am just looking for advise and creative ways to get around it without a fight! The move is stressful enough on both of us!

Thanks again for your help!

**2big4mysize** · October 27, 2006, 08:45 AM

Re: DH Dilema Need Help

remind him that those places were special because of the events and the love you both have for each other not the food.

Lay it on the line with a Dr Phil speech. tell him how it hurts you when he disrespects your new way of eating (WOE) for better health and a smaller body. Tell him you NEED him to be a part of your support network. To be strong for you when you are weak, to not temp you with foods currently not on your acceptable foods lists, to defend your choices when other pick at you and your chosen WOE, and to cheer when you have victories over foods and pounds of fat.

Explain the health hazards of being overweight and give him specific examples if you have them like the risk of being a type 2 diabetic, the high blood pressure, joint injury and diseaae and any other you have. the 5 miles of extra blood vessels needed for somebody 25 pounds over weight and the added strain that puts on the heart shortening its life and yours ususally gets them.

If he still insists on going tell him he should go alone cause that basically is what he is doing going not with you but with himself and forcing you to accompany him.

**stickin2it** · October 27, 2006, 08:45 AM

Re: DH Dilema Need Help

Originally posted by G-Mom

Why do guys sometimes do this?! It's just food! Sorry, but it peeves me. Maybe you could "make it up to him" by doing "you know what" in each room of your old house, you know "for old times sake" if he just lays off you about these eateries. Sounds like a reasonable trade to me...

It bothers me too! Also bothers me that he insists I can lose the weight with exercise alone

I will make the offer

See if he goes for it!!! THANKS G-MOM

**julirama723** · October 27, 2006, 09:06 AM

Re: DH Dilema Need Help

Wow...I can't be sympathetic to your husband. You just need to put your foot down!

I would give an ultimatum--I would say "If you want me to go to these special places with you, fine, but I am ordering what I want to order, not what you tell me I have to. What's more important? Spending time with me, or the food? If it's me, then let me make my own decisions about what I will and will not eat. If it's about the food, go by yourself buster, and have a great time."

I wouldn't put up with it--and you shouldn't either. Show him how serious you are by taking a stand and not catering to his whims. Prove to him that you are concerned about your body, and your health, and don't be pressured into eating something that you don't want to eat. He should come around. Love is stronger than carbs.

**G-Mom** · October 27, 2006, 09:07 AM

Re: DH Dilema Need Help

Also bothers me that he insists I can lose the weight with exercise alone

Were our husbands separated at birth? He has said this to me before. Food is VERY important to men. It is related to sex and feeling good for them. He will get over this little deal, believe me. He needs to respect you and your decisions regarding your health. If you cave everytime he wants you to "join him" in eating the same things, how can he respect you and your decisions?

Explain to him how Atkins is 1000% easier to eat out on (how many plans let you eat prime rib). Tell him it is the experience of eating AT these places not eating precisely what you used to eat that makes it great.

Please don't let him control you like this, it isn't fair to you. Go there, let him get what he wants, and you eat what you can. If he gets pissed then tell him to grow up! Really! When you are an adult you need to be responsible.

**stickin2it** · October 27, 2006, 09:15 AM

Re: DH Dilema Need Help

Thanks guys! I knew you would help me see the light!

I will do my best. He will never change his way of thinking, but he will have to get used to me changing! And if this move does not kill us, it will only make us stronger!

**ladyinred** · October 27, 2006, 09:38 AM

Re: DH Dilema Need Help

And if this move does not kill us, it will only make us stronger!

LOL, that's true. So if you don't revisit all these places is he going to forget them and have no memories of them, or what? If they suddenly closed down before you could get to them, would all be lost? I think not. You already have the memories. We have fave places we like to go to. Our favourite place near our cottage is a pizza/pasta place. They make the best pasta ever. The family still wants to go every summer. Instead of my old dishes I now get chicken wings and salad while they all get their "usual". But we always try to sit at "our table" and we chat with our usual waitress and comment about how the decor hasn't changed and it's just as fun as it ever was. Instead of eating the "usual" why don't you let him eat it and you can take pictures. Then you can make a little food memory book as a memento. Good idea?

**Adena** · October 27, 2006, 09:59 AM

Re: DH Dilema Need Help

I love G-Mom's idea of the "trade." A way to a man's heart is his stomach... only to be pre-empted by his...

I can relate to your DH in one respect, since food has always been such a big part of celebrations and fun times in my life. So, I understand how closely he equates those.

I'd ask him: What is the REASON it's so important for you to revisit these places? Then, once he answers, I'd follow up with: And is it also important to you that I have a good time, that I enjoy our walk down memory lane, too? Maybe by pointing out to him that if he guilts you into eating things you don't want to eat, he'll RUIN the wonderful memories you've had there.... making your last experience a bad one... which is just the opposite of what he's trying to do, I'd think.

Good luck, and let us know how it goes!

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