I am so disappointed in myself

[dimar97]

Does this sound like anyone else’s behavior? I get myself all fired up about finally doing this RIGHT (again), I hit the grocery store, prepare my kitchen, maybe whip up a few casserole’s, get out my notebook for recording all my food, fill all my water bottles - and if I am lucky I will get 4 or 5 days in before something “overwhelms” me and I’m off the wagon. Now mind you, very rarely do I go OFF the wagon (as in an extra large ice cream cone or a half a tube of cookie dough – OFF the wagon) but I find myself once again eating PB out of the jar, which leads directly to more binge eating, maybe a few slices of pepperoni or my new favorite – chocolate mouse (made with heavy cream, cocoa and splenda whipped up real nice and put in the freezer for about 15 minutes). But I eat a whole cup (or maybe more – who knows I didn’t measure!) then I’m on to the strawberries or canteloupe, or butter right out of the tub (gross I know but I’ve actually done that my whole life) throw in a diet pop or a nice fresh cup of coffee (its only one after all) or the WORST... an atkins bar (bought for my DH but eaten in the closet by me) – all the while telling myself I will get this right TOMORROW so I might as well get all these temptations out of the way. It is reminiscent of my old ways of eating – grazing through the kitchen like a cow, never finding what I am looking for. Then I hop on this forum and complain – like I have any right to complain!!! If I was FOLLOWING THE RULES then I could complain but I’m not, am I? WHY can’t I do it; it seems so many people have this under control. What is holding me back from making this commitment once and for all? Why can’t I get past few days? I am so disappointed in myself, once again…

[Discolemonade]

Re: I am so disappointed in myself

I wonder what it is exactly you are looking for? Think about that a little bit. Something is missing in your life and you're trying to find the answer in food but none of it is good enough because that's not the problem.

XOXO

[D14965]

Re: I am so disappointed in myself

Have a think about how bad you feel about yourself when you do go on a cheating rampage in your kitchen! If you dont like that feeling, then that could well be your motivation to stick with the plan . Dont justify your binges by thinking -- tomorrow i will go back and do it right ...because we all know that when trying to lose weight tomorrow never comes ! You have to take each day as it comes and stay positive in your mind that you CAN DO THIS and you WILL LOSE WEIGHT. Keep thinking positive and reinforce that thinking with positive affirmations and keep the goal ( a slimmer healthier you) in sight! Rome wasnt built in a day -- but it was built - one brick at a time. You will need patience , but anything worth having is worth waiting and working for ! Think of how chuffed you will feel about yourself when you have made your goal.. now that feeling is WAY better than the one you get from sabotaging your goal!!! Go for it Girl!

good luck!

[warbishop]

Re: I am so disappointed in myself

Dimar97:



I have to tell you, I can tell by the way you explained your rationalizations that you understand exactly what you are doing. I'd have to agree with discolemonade on many levels, but I'd also like to add something further. I think many people can relate to exactly what you have done. Food is quite the comfort for you as it has become for so many. Like the young lady said, you need to search your heart for what is really at the root of your pain that makes you feel that eating is one of your only pleasures. And you might want to consider what changes you need in your life in order to correct problem. Find out what will make you feel whole again. What do you need to do? Most people know the answers to these questions but at some point in their lives must make a personnal decision to change things all on their own. To do what they know they have to in order to live a more fulfilling life. It's in all of us my friend. And here is a quote that drives me to lose my weight. Maybe it will help you:

"If you don't deal with life.... it will deal with you!"

[obkbbby]

Re: I am so disappointed in myself

Kristin - this is all great advice. I have done the same exact thing. In fact, I've done it all my life. It has always seemed easier to reach for food than to deal with whatever drove you there in the first place. My mom went in for gastric bypass a year ago. Before she was allowed to have the surgery, she went through a year of therapy first. The reason? Even with surgery and the initial weight loss, if the reason she overate in the first place isn't dealt with, she will either go back to that way of eating again and gain all the weight back or turn to another addiction of some sort - like alcohol or something.

It's a scary place to be, but her experience changed me. I still have a hard time dealing with things that used to send me to the pantry. But I've worked very hard to find other things to turn to when I need it. I keep a list of things that I like to do and which cheer me up. It sounds anal and weird, I know. But I keep it on the refrigerator and on the pantry door. This gives me an immediate reminder that there are other things I like to do that cheer me up besides eating. The list includes things like dancing in the living room to great music, reading my favorite books, taking a walk, and especially coming to ADBB and pouring myself out to these wonderful people.

You do have a right to come here and complain! That's what this board is for - to provide answers, tips, and SUPPORT!!!! This is the perfect place to come to when you need a shoulder.

I hope this helps some. Come visit my journal, if you want, and we can chat - cause I've definitely been there and done that - and didn't even get the tshirt!~

[dimar97]

Re: I am so disappointed in myself

whoa, it is all pretty deep! I will have to think on this all for awhile. No one's life is perfect - I came to accept that a long time ago but I DO have alot of joy in my world. But this diet thing is like an albatross I swear, I become obsesssed (I spend way too much work time on this site for one!) I was thinking I am lazy and impatient (neither are very good traits in general but way worse when trying to lose weight) I don't want to do the work (the refraining, the restraining, the finding OTHER things to do) and I don't want it to take sooo long! I tell myself that I am 37 years old and I had two kids and I still look pretty good (that is the lazy part talking) - but then I am still not happy when I look in the mirror....

[echomike23]

Re: I am so disappointed in myself

all of us stumble in one way or another. this is my third time at atkins. it is also the most sucessful of my attempts at losing weight. now did i cheat during my first attempt? only after i impatiently jumped off the wagon from two weeks of not losing any weight!

my second time at atkins was a total joke. all i did was eat meat, and thought that it was enough for me. what i did this time is go completely extreme after reading from this board. first off, i eliminated any type of artificial sweetner, no splenda, no equal, nothing. then i eliminated anything but water for a drink. all i drank was water, NOTHING else. i also kept it very simple and at times it was very boring but i found ways to add a little spice to my food and i was able to deal with it.

nowdays my new eating habits are so natural that i dont even think about it. i dont even count carbs anymore. i also notice that im not a hostage to my old foods. i actually LOVE eating vegetables, where before when i was a fat boy, i would pig out on bread, pastas, and rice.

it was the weight loss that brought me satisfaction as opposed to my old foods. sooner or later you are going to get tired of falling off the wagon and follow through with your quest.

before i went on atkins, i ate all of my favorite foods till i got so tired of them that starting atkins was a breeze.

I think its great to be dissapointed for your mistakes. it will get you motivated enough to get back into it and take it through. imagine what would have been of my life had i not given it a third shot.

[GaynorA]

Re: I am so disappointed in myself

".......I've definitely been there and done that - and didn't even get the tshirt"

this made me chuckle. Yup ... I've been there, done that and didn't get the tshirt 'cos I couldn't fit into the blooming thing!!! I agree with everyone hon. Atkins isn't meant to be a quick weight loss and BANG you can go back to old ways of eating. It's about retraining yourself into eating in a way that will ensure you stay at your goal. Please don't give up on yourself. Keep on walking - one step at a time.
Lotsa luv to you.

[Brenda80-2lose]

Re: I am so disappointed in myself

dimar97, you are not alone! I am pretty disappointed in myself too at this moment!! I go 5 months without cheating even once and then I mess up. Let me tell you the guilt was enormous!! It all started Memorial weekend and I have not got back on track yet, no matter how much I promise myself! I think I have been stressing too much over stuff and emotional eating I don't know but I can't seem to kill the sugar monster!! But you know what the sad thing is? My fibromalygia was a whole lot better, I also have irritable bowel syndrome and it was also under control, but when I started putting all those empty carbs back in my body it has all came back. I'm not at the point where I've noticed any weight gain yet but if I don't soon get this under control it won't be long!! I hope you will soon get back on track and I pray that I will too! Good Luck to YOU!!

[Adena]

Re: I am so disappointed in myself

whoa, it is all pretty deep! I will have to think on this all for awhile. No one's life is perfect - I came to accept that a long time ago but I DO have alot of joy in my world. But this diet thing is like an albatross I swear, I become obsesssed (I spend way too much work time on this site for one!) I was thinking I am lazy and impatient (neither are very good traits in general but way worse when trying to lose weight) I don't want to do the work (the refraining, the restraining, the finding OTHER things to do) and I don't want it to take sooo long! I tell myself that I am 37 years old and I had two kids and I still look pretty good (that is the lazy part talking) - but then I am still not happy when I look in the mirror....

Okay, so I'll dish out a little tough love here. Kristin, you HAVE to want this. You have to decide it's worth it. You have to be WILLING TO DO THE WORK. My guess is, with only 10 pounds to loose, you probably DO look pretty good. While I know it's all relative, I have to think that if you can really apply yourself for a couple of months, you can reach your goal. It won't take "so" long at all, but actually, compared to most people here, you'll see success fairly quickly. Think about how fast time flies. By the time summer is over, you can probably be at or very close to your goal.

I hope you find your determination. Best of luck!