The fear factor: abuse and weight loss

[guekjian]

Re: The fear factor: abuse and weight loss

That is really sweet Gaynor...and it is amazing how often this kind of thing happens. I watched the movie "Georgia Rules" last night and there was a similar situation. My BF thought it was exagerated...little does he know...I think most people just don't have a clue...I found out that one of my cousins got raped...she is a beautitul girl...hidden under a mountain of fat...keeping the smile on her face...but getting larger by the day...what a waste of a life...I wish those rapists (and abusers) would get raped themselves...to feel the hurt they've done to others

[obkbbby]

Re: The fear factor: abuse and weight loss

GaynorA - yes, that's true. I've worked very hard to not think about that time of my life and I find that I've been thinking about it a lot over the last couple of days. But that may not be such a bad thing - maybe even a little therapeutic...

[GaynorA]

Re: The fear factor: abuse and weight loss

Hey there Guekjian. Thanks for your kind thoughts. Sorry to hear about your cousin. God, this happens so much more than people realise. The sad thing is ... a lot of people who become abusers have actually been abused. Not all .. but many. It becomes a cyclical thing. It doesn't HAVE to happen - there's a lot of reasons for it. I think it's something I became aware of at age 17. Once I broke out of being abused, I only felt comfortable in sexual situations where I was controlling. Awful to look back on now - and I've changed that. But it happens. Again, it's a protection thing. I'm re-reading "The courage to heal" by Bass and Davis. Fantastic book. Best book I have ever read on recovering from childhood sexual abuse. They look at all the angles - including avoiding becoming an abuser yourself. They also look at living with someone who has been abused. A truly excellent book by 2 women who know what they are talking about. Lots of survivor stories.
Obkbby - thanks for letting us know how you are doing. I agree - it can be therapeutic. But if you find yourself getting a bit overwhelmed and needing to talk, vent, shout at the universe - we are here. Okay? Luv to you both.

[zencyn]

Re: The fear factor: abuse and weight loss

It's so sad that so many have had such bad things happen to them. I was never sexually abused, but I was emotionally abused by my mother and smacked around some. I remember her giving me a bloody nose when I was seven. I feel like I started putting on weight to keep the attention off of me because she was jealous of how I looked. She would make snide comments about my 'udders' and call me all kinds of names. It is very hard to break the cycle but if there's anything I want to accomplish in my life that is it. I found myself depressed after my second child and I was seeing a naturopath at the time and he said that I was greiving for the childhood that I never had. It was very profound and I feel it was very true. That one comment helped me a lot. Now I just wish I could get a handle on this weight thing because I feel that it's the emotional aspect that is holding me back.
Oh, and I haven't spoken to my mother in 12 years but from what I hear she is still the same - and whines to anyone who will listen about how she doesn't deserve to be treated like that and how she has 2 grandchildren she'll never meet. No one has told her about my third child. It's sad, but my life it more peaceful without her in it.

[obkbbby]

Re: The fear factor: abuse and weight loss

Wow, Cyn. Sounds like you had it very tough. Isn't it amazing how so many of us turned to food? Good for you for really working through it and breaking the cycle. That has been the most important thing for me, too.

[GaynorA]

Re: The fear factor: abuse and weight loss

"... he said that I was greiving for the childhood that I never had. It was very profound and I feel it was very true."
Wow .... that one brought tears to my eyes. It really is profound and so true. I'm so sorry to hear about the emotional abuse you went through hon. Abuse is abuse - whichever form it takes. And, unfortunately, when it happens in our formative years it can have such a detrimental effect on our development of self-confidence, self-image, sexuality ... everything really. Well done you on working to break the cycle. That takes courage - REAL courage. You know we trust our parents' perspectives when we are kids, don't we. Mom and/or dad know EVERYTHING. Their word is law and truth. And it can be really hard as an young or older adult to look back and realise they were just people too. People who can mess up big time and NOT know everything and sometimes just get it SO wrong. For so many of us that child was pretty much abandoned by those who should have protected him or her. And to protect ourselves, we get on the bandwagon too. We shut that little person away in the dark, in the back of our minds somewhere, often locked in chains - and we vow that little person will never be allowed to resurface because it just hurts too much. But that little person needs to be allowed to breathe, feel the sun on his or her face, play, and say what happened and say how much it hurt. When I started to allow the little girl in me out into the light I bought a child's colouring book and some big chunky wax crayons. When I started to feel sad and panicky I'd let her out to colour. That was the starting point for me allowing her out. Occasionally I'd walk past a puddle ... and I'd CHOOSE to allow the kid in me to jump IN it instead of going around it. All little things. But the biggest was allowing her to cry. That was really important. Because she had to be strong and silent for so long. Luv to all of you.

[Buddrfly]

Re: The fear factor: abuse and weight loss

The sad part is, everyone that has an issue with weight has had one of these problems at one time or another. Whether it be from peers (verbal/emotional), family (mental/physical), or otherwise. It's like people don't understand that words and comments can sometimes be more hurtful than a slap in the face It's sad that a lot of us go through the majority of our lives dealing with things like this! Often times, it can drive you into a state of depression--hence the overeating and looking for comfort in places that it simply cannot be found.

[GaynorA]

Re: The fear factor: abuse and weight loss

Yup .. very true Iyshiaf. Those blooming hurtful comments ... we just pretend we don't hear, internalise them and they become this time bomb ticking away inside us. There's that old saying "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me". Not true. Not true at all. Bullying and name calling can break us inside - if we allow it to. Lotsa luv to you. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

[Buddrfly]

Re: The fear factor: abuse and weight loss

No problem at all! It is extremely important that everyone here understands that we can all relate in so many ways. There are tons of topics that should be brought up, but either they slip the mind or we just fail to talk about them.