So disappointed and stuck...

[Jaded]

I have completely fallen off the wagon. I was doing well, was down 14 lbs, now I'm back up about 3 and have been eating non-stop sugary chocolate and junk. Today was day 1, back on the wagon, my new exercise videos should be arriving today and it was going to be full speed ahead. I go to work and they ordered pizza for us for lunch. I could not even justify eating it, so I convinced myself it was ok to start tomorrow, eat the pizza, and take my lunch hour to buy new pillows b/c I have been waking up with lower back and neck pain. I know its a ridiculous reason. Then to top it off I stopped and got some choc chip cookies on my lunch break.

I don't know why I am doing this to myself. It's so hard for me to get back on the wagon without any support at home. This board is great and inspires me every time I log on, but real life takes over and I feel alone. Even other people who are trying to lose weight dont want to committ to forming a diet support team with me. My bf agreed to join me, lasted 5 days, and then went back to the usual "starting on Monday" routine. And now I'm right back with him.

I dont know what the problem is. I know I want this, and I love how I feel when I have a good workout at the gym and when I drink a lot of water and eat right. But somehow chocolates and cookies and even pizza warp my mind. I am starting to realize how much of an actual addict I am.

I don't know whats wrong with me.

[amylou]

Re: So disappointed and stuck...

I know how you feel. When I go off plan or cheat I wonder why I keep doing that to myself. If you've ever read Dr. Phil's book he says that there is a reason why we choose that behavior. My first reaction is that I don't really choose it...it takes over! The truth is, we choose it because it's what we know and are used to, and it's EASY! It's more difficult to change our behavior and harder to go off the beaten path and do something different. Losing weight is the hardest endeavor I've ever taken on in my life. Most days is a struggle, but the more days I stay doing the things I did the worse off I will feel. I would rather work hard than feel miserable being in the body I don't want to be in.

I've had to take on a lot of behavioral techniques to work on my thinking. The justification for the bites or cheats, the convincing that the plan can wait another day. Doing that just hurts me more. I have a mental conversation with myself when I need stop an action in it's tracks. I ask myself why I am eating "X", do I really want that, or do I really want a healthier and leaner body? A good book to look at that retrains your behavior is "The Beck Diet". It's not so much a diet, but more reshaping your cognition and works with any eating plan. It's helped me a lot!

Good luck...I know this is hard but you have to suck it up and do it, don't waste another day (or another meal)!

[Jaded]

Re: So disappointed and stuck...

Amy, thanks for your response. I dont know what it is. I think I almost psych myself into the "its never too late" mentality, and use it as a crutch to the point that it serves as a disadvantage b/c I figure its not too late if i screw up today and start another day. I will check out the Becks Diet book. I think I sabotage myself b/c its so much harder now to stay on track. When I first did atkins in 03 I had willpower and determination like nobody else, and its been so much pain and struggle once I put the weight back on that I cant even bring myself to recommit for more than a few weeks. I guess I just have to push through. I'd prob feel better struggling and accomplishing something than struggling and failing and wanting to cry.

[inhisgrip]

Re: So disappointed and stuck...

Hey Jaded,
Thank you for sharing this struggle b/c it is exactly how I feel sometimes. I constantly put dieting off "until tomorrow," convincing myself that I will fully commit the next day, but lo and behold, I never do. It's a TRAP! I have wasted the past 3 years waiting for tomorrow!! And I often want to scream...WHY AM I DOING THIS TO MYSELF!? But yet I continue doing it to myself. I still don't have that answer but I'm just taking this one day at a time. You did this in 03. You had willpower then...you have willpower now. We just have to find it within ourselves. People often tell me, "well if you want it bad enough you'll just do it" and I want to scream..."I DO WANT THIS!! BUT I CAN'T DO IT!" This is the hardest thing I have ever done. This will always be a struggle for me. It has been for 25 years and it will continue to be for the next 25. I don't know what to tell you other than you are not alone. I feel your frustration. If you ever need to vent feel free to PM me or stop by my journal. We can struggle through this together.

[Hoping]

Re: So disappointed and stuck...

It's taken me months to commit. It's a big step. Just dust your butt off and keep going. You have to come to a point where you think to yourself, "No more!" Only then will you be on the wagon.
I've fallen off plenty of times, but I refuse to stay off the wagon. So get back on it and don't look back. Easier said than done, but we can do this!

[OzLover]

Re: So disappointed and stuck...

Please read this incredibly honest post by Angela!

http://www.atkinsdietbulletinboard.c...ad.php?t=49838

Glenda

[Jaded]

Re: So disappointed and stuck...

Thanks all you guys for your responses and for linking me to Angela's post. I think the thing that started getting to me and put me into this crazy binge this weekend was that my gym membership needs to be renewed. Which means I have been going for a full year and have only lost and kept off about 10 lbs! In a YEAR!! I've been "trying to lose weight" for 2 years, and have only managed to lose 10 lbs. I was doing well and was down 14, which was finally starting to motivate me, and then I just lost it.

I wish I could get into the mindset I was in in 2003, when this was all new and I was totally into it. I just have to tell myself I CAN do this and that i WANT to. I have to know that I'd rather struggle to persevere and achieve this, than give in a struggle with self contempt for eating off plan.

Here goes another day 1... Strong so far!