No to Atkins for fear of missing bread and pasta?

[aelt]

This is my second time on the Atkins diet and I am looking to lose 30 lbs from where I am now. I originally lost 32 in three months and held it there for 2.5 years, but over the last 18 months I have regained 20. Sigh. I see the "second time" forum and look forward to contributing there. I started to reduce my carbs a week ago and so far have lost 1 lb. I also began to re-read the book and started induction in ernest yesterday. This time I am going to achieve my goal and hold it indefinitely instead of just a couple of years!

After browsing this site, I see a lot of successful people's bios and photos and have noticed that many of them are women. I was wondering if I could open the discussion to the following about my wife. Gently, of course! We have been married 20+ years and are in our 40s. To be within the weight range for her height she probably needs to lose 50+ lbs.

I love and am supportive of my wife and have tried to bring up her increasing weight occasionally (1x/yr at most) through the years and each time I am met with her being angry at me. I do not make demands and I try to handle the issue with tenderness. But her being overweight does concern me for health reasons and I want her to do something, anything, anything that is her choice, to slender down and become healthier. I have told her that I would support any diet/lifestyle change she wants to undertake, including modifying my food intake to match hers. So far she hasn't modified her food intake nor started any diet.

I realize of course that deciding to do something about her body weight is completely in her control. She has to make the decision to do something about it and stick with it. Trying to pressure her into doing so is fruitless and would make her hostile toward me and I certainly don't want that.

My questions for the ladies is this: Were you initially against Atkins? Did you find after a short time that it was easy to follow? Did (do) you miss eating bread and pasta?

Each time I try to discuss my success with Atkins with her, the immediate response is "I can't live without bread and pasta" and therefore she won't even consider following that diet.

What advice would you offer her? How should I approach the subject so she doesn't respond with hostility?

I appreciate any suggestions you can offer.
Mark

[*Emma*]

Re: No to Atkins for fear of missing bread and pasta?

I missed eating bread and pasta at first, but i dont miss the way it made me feel when i cheated once and thought i wanted it, never again! Atkins all the way!

[lisadallasr]

Re: No to Atkins for fear of missing bread and pasta?

HI Mark, I just want to say you are a great hubby!!! The advice i could give you is just let her see how your coming along, maybe you cook dinner every now and then and make it atkins friendly, and she will see how yummy it is. Ask her to go on evening walks with you. I would stay away from telling her she needs to lose weight as that might make her defensive, even in the most kinder way of saying it. I would just go about eating the atkins way and make her a meal every now and then, and she will see your success and maybe want to jump on the bandwagon with you!!!

[*Emma*]

Re: No to Atkins for fear of missing bread and pasta?

Each time I try to discuss my success with Atkins with her, the immediate response is "I can't live without bread and pasta" and therefore she won't even consider following that diet.

Thats my best friends answer too, and she's jealous of my success but says she just cant do it, its her choice and she chooses to follow a low fat/high sugar(literally!) lifestyle.

[Sera]

Re: No to Atkins for fear of missing bread and pasta?

since you don't HAVE to live without bread and pasta FOREVER, I did not think much about it in the beginning.
I will at one point have my whole wheat pasta again which I already ate before doing Atkins and I am already eating bread made from almond flour instead of normal flour and whole wheat bread is also possible one day if one really wants to go there.

You are right, you can't force her and I'm glad you aren't trying to.
Maybe it would be an idea though to give her the book so she can actually find out what Atkins is really about.
It might also be an idea for your wife to eat whole wheat pasta and bread and cut out the sugar and white flour...that would already make a lot of difference, I think but she could still have her pasta and bread
Add loads of veggies(not so much potatoes and starchy stuff) and she might already see the effect even without really doing Atkins.

I personally didn't waste much time worrying about all this when my parents told me they had lost quite some weight on another low carb diet.
I did that first and when I kinda stalled, I found out about Atkins and jumped right into it.

GL to you with your own weightloss and I hope your wife gives this WOL a chance on day.

[deek deek]

Re: No to Atkins for fear of missing bread and pasta?

Hi Mark, I was def. a starchy carb eater! My friend and I started this WOE almost 7 months ago and before that I thought I couldnt go without bread and pastas also. It was such a main staple in my household...and lots of sandwiches too!! But I relized that I cant keep eating that way and look and feel the way I want too!! Now I've always been the big girl and now I'm the smallest Ive been in my life and I cant imagaine going back to what I was....atkins for life!! btw I do miss it..still love the smell but its the devil!!

[not2late]

Re: No to Atkins for fear of missing bread and pasta?

The first time you were on Atkins, did you go through the phases of Atkins, as Dr. Atkins wrote in the book or did you stay on Induction phase the entire time? If you went through the phases, then I can't see why your wife would think why she will "never eat" bread or pasta again because she would have seen you increase your diet to include nuts, fruits, starchy veggies, legumes and grains.

[aelt]

Re: No to Atkins for fear of missing bread and pasta?

The advice i could give you is just let her see how your coming along, maybe you cook dinner every now and then and make it atkins friendly, and she will see how yummy it is. Ask her to go on evening walks with you. I would stay away from telling her she needs to lose weight as that might make her defensive, even in the most kinder way of saying it. I would just go about eating the atkins way and make her a meal every now and then, and she will see your success and maybe want to jump on the bandwagon with you!!!

She saw how successful I was in a very short period of time when I first went on low carb and she still made comments that she couldn't go on it. I cook at least half the meals (maybe more) and I do tend to make the meals lower carb and my wife and kids don't complain (usually ) I lost 32 lbs in 3 months and I cheated/reset every two weeks as I allowed myself to have pizza and a beer, so she knows she doesn't have to totally give up bread to be successful. We took more walks during the summer, but you are right... we should do more walking together even during the winter.

Thats my best friends answer too, and she's jealous of my success but says she just cant do it, its her choice and she chooses to follow a low fat/high sugar(literally!) lifestyle.

Yes... she was probably jealous of my weightloss the first time around (a little anyway), but it did not inspire her to try. I believe all she has to do is try Atkins and she might find it is easier than she thinks. But if I bring it up, I know I will be in for a nasty response.

Maybe it would be an idea though to give her the book so she can actually find out what Atkins is really about.
It might also be an idea for your wife to eat whole wheat pasta and bread and cut out the sugar and white flour...that would already make a lot of difference, I think but she could still have her pasta and bread
Add loads of veggies(not so much potatoes and starchy stuff) and she might already see the effect even without really doing Atkins.

I'd love for her to read about it, but leaving it on the table did not tempt her to open it. She has eaten whole wheat and high protein pasta and bread but the problem is going back for seconds. And she's always enjoyed lots of veggies.

Keep the feedback and ideas coming! I greatly appreciate it!
Mark

[Elizellen]

Re: No to Atkins for fear of missing bread and pasta?

Maybe it would be an idea though to give her the book so she can actually find out what Atkins is really about.

You might also ask her to be part of your support team to help you lose weight the Atkins way even though she is not following it herself.

[Gunnadoit]

Re: No to Atkins for fear of missing bread and pasta?

I agree Sera that saying things to her about her weight probably is not a good thing. I am very defensive about my weight. I love to talk about it when I am being active about losing, but it is a sore and sensitive subject otherwise. Like the others said, I think if she sees how well you are doing, she might take more interest. I would think if someone saw you eating a big delicious hamburger with cheese melted on it or a steak and salad with regular dressing and still losing weight, they would think "hmm, maybe I should try it". I think you should just try to be a good example for her. I don't think anything is wrong with asking her to support you. Hang in there and good luck with your weight loss!!

[julirama723]

Re: No to Atkins for fear of missing bread and pasta?

Lead by example.

Do Atkins by the book (moving up the rungs), introduce new foods, eat satisfying LEGAL meals and snacks (what's this junk about "resetting" every 2 weeks? By going up the rungs, you are allowed some types of beer, and you can make your own pizza out of almond, soy, whole wheat flours, etc.) and she will see you lose weight, she will see that you are feeling better, she will see that you're not deprived.

I'm a person who is instantly resistant to doing something when someone wants me to do it. I guess I'm stubborn...but I've actually read that we humans impulsively want to do the opposite of what loved ones tell us or ask us to do. Don't even bring up the subject of Atkins or losing weight. Don't talk about it. Just DO IT. Help her make healthy changes (like more veggies, whole grains instead of "whites", no junk food or processed foods) in her own eating and don't lecture her or try to "convert" her. Losing weight is a touchy subject, and each of us has to hit a point, a "rock bottom" if you will, that makes us want to do it for OURSELVES, of our own accord.

Just show her healthy eating habits, and if/when she decides to start Atkins, support her, help her, but don't say "I told you so"!!!

[ValidRouge]

Re: No to Atkins for fear of missing bread and pasta?

This is one of those things I've learned on my journey. The ONLY weight problem that is MY business is MINE. Everyone else's weight problem is THEIRS. I might have an opinion on it, but that is MY opinion, not theirs.
I'm saying this because I've BEEN where you are now. I THINK like you are right now...but the reality is, it's none of my (or your) business what her weight is and whether or not she chooses to do anything about it. She is an adult and chooses what she wants to do with her body and her health. You've made your opinion known, quite clearly. Maybe I'm projecting here, but you acknowledge that you've got a weight problem and it sounds to me like you could be deflecting from YOUR own weight loss and trying to manage HERS. It's just one more way we avoid dealing with our own problems. The only person we should be concerned about at this point (or ever) is OURSELVES. Until she asks you for your help and support, you cannot push it off on her. And, until you've been successful at getting the weight OFF and maintaining it LONG TERM, the reality is you haven't been 100% successful either. (Neither have I) Let me tell you, maintenance is FAR FAR harder than the losing stages. You've got a long road ahead of you, and it might be more beneficial to you if you can just focus on yourself and your own journey instead of putting up smoke screens in the form of concern for your loved ones.

If you lead by example, and they decide they want to do the same, and ASK for your help, THEN you can offer your suggestion and support.

[Hoping]

Re: No to Atkins for fear of missing bread and pasta?

I had heard a lot of myths about atkins and that's what kept me from atkineering. I loooove pasta and bread. In fact, I was craving some today, but that's only because I haven't been on plan (health reasons). I've been bad and have eaten sugars since coming off plan and my cravings are nuts. When I follow the plan I do great without pasta or breads.
If I feel like having spaghetti I make spaghetti squash with my own homemade pasta sauce, that way I know what's going into it. But let me clarify that I don't crave spaghetti/pasta, I crave spaghetti squash because I like the texture, much better than the heavy ucky pasta : P

As for her atkineering, don't hold your breath. Joy and Juli make good points. Weight is something personal. Lead by example and hopefully she'll join you in your journey. Worry about your weight, reaching goal and maintaining. She'll see your success and probably try it out for herself, but she has to come to a breaking point before that happens.

[LCer09]

Re: No to Atkins for fear of missing bread and pasta?

Is her being overweight only affecting her health, or is affecting your relationship as well? I mean, is she is upset with herself about her weight/appearance and not doing the things in life she wants to do, or that you want to do with her? Is she not (ahem!) affectionate in the bedroom because she feels bad about her weight? Does she try to mask her pain with more destructive hobbies like compulsive shopping? Then you have every right to sit her down and be blunt about such things. She does not have the right to let her weight bring down your marriage like that. Men are under no obligation to love and coddle their wives "no matter WHAT!", I mean, what woman would put up with such nonsense from her husband? Please. They would hire a hot pool boy in a second if stuff like that was going on long-term.

However, if none of that stuff is a problem, then all you can be is a healthy role model, and should probably keep your mouth shut. If she wants to lose it, she will. Just my opinion though.

[spirittalker]

Re: No to Atkins for fear of missing bread and pasta?

Maybe low carb is not for her. perhaps she might be happier trying a low fat vegetarian lifestyle.