What to do?

[APanthesilia]

When I am out with friends, co-workers or especially with people I don't know too well and there is food/alcohol involved I don't know a good way to politely refuse any illegal foods/drinks. Last night I was at my boyfriend's aunt and uncle's house and they kept offering wine and I kept saying no but they kept trying to find something I would want to drink and I just kept having to say no. Then there were chocolates that they kept offering (and even got out three different kinds to see if I would want any of those). I was good and didn't have any but I felt rude having to say no, no, no, no even though I know I was trying to say it in the nicest way possible. I don't feel like I know them well enough to want to launch into a whole story about me dieting and the rules of the diet but I do know them well enough that they have seen me drink and eat chocolate before so they know it is not something I have won't do. Does anyone have any advice on a nice way to refuse food? I find that sometimes when I say I don't want something people keep on and keep on and keep on until it is uncomfortable. I think that sometimes (like at work) if some people are eating chocolate then they want other people to as well...

[Purple Crayon]

Re: What to do?

If they are offering drinks, you could say, "I don't really care for any wine, but if you have a (fill in your drink of choice), I'll take that."
That way they see that you have a drink and aren't worried about you not having something.

As far as the food, "No thanks, I'm still stuffed from dinner." "No thanks, I don't care for anything right now." Or if you really feel like you have to take it or it is placed in front of you anyway, learn the trick of moving it around on the plate without ever eating any of it. This is easier with a plate of food than a piece of candy. And so long as you are talking and taking part in the conversation, no one will notice that you aren't actually eating.

Do they act insulted that you won't eat with them? Or are they just being good hosts that are concerned for their guests?

And I agree with you about some people, especially at work. It seems like they want you to eat too, to make them feel less guilty about indulging in crap. With those types you may have to turn the tables and ask them, "What's in it for you if I eat this? Why do you care if I don't eat it?"

[peacefuljourney]

Re: What to do?

Hi,

Or you could accept the food drink and just leave it untouched - most people won't monitor your actual intake.

Or just say: 'not right now thanks, maybe later'

Or just say: 'I'm really trying to stay away from xyz - I had so much over the holidays'

Just my thoughts. S-

[neihu]

Re: What to do?

In the beginning, when I first did Atkins, I used to just tell people that I am cutting out sugar for a while, no on ever commented or tried to force me to eat anything after that.

As I started losing weight and learning more about the process, I began to tell people that I am low carbing. It was almost like I was looking for an excuse to pull out my drivers licence and show them a before picture! (I lost 47 pounds and then I got pregnant and regained a lot)

This time I have less to lose but I tell people that I am low carbing........it seems like everyone is doing some kind of plan now that it is January.

[Grant]

Re: What to do?

I was going to post just about what Neihu posted. I'll add that I was also a little embarassed to tell people I was on a diet and couldn't have certain food items. Then one day I realized that almost *everyone* has been on a diet of some kind or other. Most people are going to understand and not have a problem with you turning down certain food items so you shouldn't feel shy about just saying "No thanks, I'm on a diet and can't have XXXXX item right now" especially if the standard "Gosh that looks great but I'm just sooo stuffed I'm going to have to pass" doesn't work.

90% of the time that is all you need to say.

5% of the time they will then say "But it's only XXXX, surely that can't be bad for you" and depending on what the item is you may have to explain that on your diet you can't have it right *now* but the point of the diet is to add certain foods back in slowly to see what might cause cravings/slow your weight loss.

The other 5% of the time they will probably say something along the lines of "C'mon just one wouldn't hurt right?". I try not to get too mad at them and say something like "It's not that this one will hurt, it's the cravings it might spark that I'll have to fight off for 2 days that worry me so thank you but no".

I found people are more likely to get offended by food refusal if they don't see a good reason for it, however polite that refusal might be, and so a forthright answer is always the best answer. People really do understand.

[jrnyback2life]

Re: What to do?

Hi,

If they have fed you this before, it could be they are trying to make you comfortable by doing so again because that is what they know of you. So what could be happening is they are confused as why you aren't the same "towards them." So to speak. It may be a good time to let them know a little more about you. You can also laughingly say, you know i am committed to becoming healthier this year and one of those delicious chocolates would add 20 minutes to my work out.

Next time give them some type of direction, perhaps saying that you are working on cutting out wine and sugar in your diet, so unfortunately you can't indulge in the wonderful chocolate they are offering but some water would hit the spot. If you don't say anything but no, you aren't telling them anything and they are only working on the little information they know you like i.e., chocolate and wine. Give them more information to work with next time instead of simply saying no to everything, be a little honest and tell them they truth to an extent, and ask for something you can have.

You said they kept trying to find something -- next time tell them something, most hostesses do not feel comfortable if someone doesn't at least have something in their hand while in their home. So if you want them to stop asking lol ask for a glass of water so you are holding something or have something, so they feel like they have done their job as hostess. Next time, if you know you are going even for just an evening of socializing, throw together a quick veggie tray and bring it along with you as a hostess helper idea.

All in all, your hostess wants to make sure you are comfortable with what you have available in her house, sometimes it helps if you give them some direction instead of just saying no. This may also help the next time they see you, they may have some cut up veggies instead of chocolate, and water readily available.

There is no easy way to tell a hostess what she is offering is not good for you because she is trying to please her guests. But truth as you said without going into a long intimate story goes a long way. Asking for water instead of wine, and saying something along the lines of you are trying to concentrate on eating healthier. If they ask you what you can have, be honest and say veggies or such and such BUT you are not hungry at this time. That way next time they may have veggies and such for you, and feel like they are accomplishing their hostess duties.

I hope this makes sense.

[cruisergal]

Re: What to do?

Nowadays, everyone is dieting, one way or another, or watching their weight. I always made sure I told my hostess, before hand, that I was watching my weight, change my WOE, and couldn't eat certain things. If you're in position that you can't tell them in advance, I would just say I had a big dinner and am stuffed, and can't eat right now. Or even I just am watching my weight, cause I indulged during the holidays, is fine too!

[APanthesilia]

Re: What to do?

Thank you everyone! These are all very good suggestions. I think I mainly just need to get over being embarrased about being on a diet. The people last night are very healthy people (marathon runners in fact!) and so me telling them that I have a weight problem is just embarassing to me, even if they can tell by looking at me! I just need to get over it though because I feel so empowered and wonderful that I am doing something about the weight and I'm sure they would understand that. Thanks again!