Hating myself right now..

[Love2Lose]

Guys I don't know what to do. I am literally losing it. I feel like such a failure.
I am sitting here crying as I am typing. I really screwed up and can't get it together.

I started Atkins in Oct '06 I was having excellent results. I went from a size 20 to a size 12 in 6 months. I had lost a total of 60lbs. I was on top of the world. Shopping for new clothes, keeping up with the hair and nails etc.

Then in May of '07 I started stressing over a new job that I had got. I either passed a state licesnsing exam in 3 months or I was out of a job. I would stay up all night studying sometimes pulling all nighters and eating everything in sight and I mean EVERYTHING.. I was so caught up in that stupid exam and being a new homeowner and the sucky economy that now almost a year later I have managed to gain back 30 POUNDS...

I have been trying to get back on plan and just can't do it anymore. I feel like I no longer have control over food. I eat all the time and I eat for no reason. I wake up eating and go to sleep eating. I sign up for challenges and forget about them after a few days.

Someone please help. I am literally begging for support. I am very very depressed. But what did really got to me tonight was when I was mopping the kitchen floor I bent over to pick up something from the floor and one of my pants buttons popped off.

I know that it is no ones responsibility but my own. But maybe if someone had a similiar story and was able to get passed it, that would really help.

Thanks

[sheddingflab]

Re: Hating myself right now..

I can identify with what you're going through. A couple of years ago I lost a lot of weight on atkins, then months later after a lot of stress I put back on over twice as much as I had lost. Didn't even recognize myself anymore and was really depressed. I would try to get back on track several times only to fail after a few days and give up.
March 6 I decided I was going to get back on the WOE again and try my best. I have cheated several times since then. I've just been trying not to beat myself up when I have cheated and make sure I excercise whether I've messed up or not. I'm finding each time I cheat I eat less and less junk. Carb food is becoming less and less appealing to me each time...I think deciding that I'm just not going to beat myself up over it and realize that I am not going to start this out perfectly has helped. Also continuing to excercise cheat or not has helped. Until recently everytime I messed up I would eat everything in sight and not bother excercising and feeling like there was no point. I am not cheating on purpose...I am just getting off to a rocky start but I know that this WOE is what I want to do and I am working towards beating my food addictions one day at a time. Sounds cheesy but I am really trying to love myself and be positive instead of getting down on myself all the time. Right now I'm just faking it but eventually the positive energy will pay off and maybe I'll really feel that way some day lol...until then just take it one day at a time, come on to ADBB a LOT...it really helps, and excercise no matter what! I hope things improve for you. I'm on here every day if you ever want to PM me

[quotidianlight]

Re: Hating myself right now..

I feel for you so much right now and really wish I knew what to say but my first attempt only lasted a month and I just can't imagine how you are feeling right now. I wanted to lend you my support and tell you how touched I was reading your plea. I do know that a lot of people here are on the second or third time around. Here is a link to the second time around board: http://www.atkinsdietbulletinboard.c...splay.php?f=82

[sallyseachange]

Re: Hating myself right now..

You can do this. You just have to get into the right mindset. Once you've gotten through the first few days you'll be fine again.
Do you believe in the power of positive thinking? I never used to...but have had to rethink that. It's really helped me in so many ways... both practical and emotional.

Try going to sleep on good thoughts. When you're nice and warm and relaxed in bed and nearly slipping into sleep, that's the moment to imagine yourself slim and healthy. Think in the future... all in positives... not the "I'm going to lose weight" thoughts, but the "I am slim and lovely" type thoughts or the "I have an amazing ability to achieve my goals"... etc. This sort of thing really worked for me, and like I said, I was a total non-believer. It's important to do this positive thinking when you're ultra relaxed. If you meditate, you could use that before doing the positive thinking.

Worth a try anyway. You'll be pleasantly surprised, I bet.

Also... use the board lots. You know we're all here to help and are all in this together!

[Elizellen]

Re: Hating myself right now..

One key to staying on plan regarding eating is to have lots of 'legal' food available so when you feel like eating there is only induction-allowed food to choose from.

So prepare in advance and have much more snacks ready than you think you could possibly eat, and when you feel hungry - eat some of them.

Even if it means you are continually 'grazing' throughout the day - just as long as you are eating to the induction list!

After a while as you reach ketosis you will probably find you are less hungry and will settle down to eating less and will feel more in control of yourself.

[SwissMiss]

Re: Hating myself right now..

Hi Love2Lose, I know how you feel and what you are going through. I've been trying on sticking to Atkins since last October, but kept falling of the wagon. I wasn't able to commit myself to this. Or whenever I started something came up, an event, dinner etc. and I thought "oh what the heck" I'll continue the next day but I didn't. I was so upset with myself and incredibly disappointed as well. I didn't want to believe, that I could not commit.

So here's what I did in February 2008 and what helped me - I re-read the book. In the book Dr. Atkins clearly says that you have to commit 2 weeks of your lifestyle to give it a try. Select 2 weeks, in which you know, you will be least tempted to fall of the wagon. Just commit 2 weeks of your life and if at the end of the 2 weeks you can clearly say "No it's not for me" than quit. But at least you tried. Truth about this is, that if you made it through 2 weeks - you can and you want to continue, because you will feel amazingly good about yourself, physically and emotionally.

So make a deal with yourself. Re-read the book, prepare your kitchen, fridge and pantry and select the 2 weeks wisely and re-commit yourself to this WOL.

I re-started April 3, 2008 and been on Atkins and Cheat-Free since then.

Good luck and keep us posted how you are doing - we're here to support you.

You can do this!

[dreamof145]

Re: Hating myself right now..

I'll agree with everything the others have said. Losing control is a terrible feeling, but you're heading in the right direction. Re-read the book, Dr. Atkins New Diet Revolution, edition 2002. Dr. Atkins has a way of calming the soul and directing his wisdom to the person reading it. As you read it, make a written outline of what you'll eat, things you'll do and positive thoughts. Follow your outline and surround yourself with people who are going to give you strength and positive vibes (like here in the ADBB).

You can do it. Keep legal foods on hand. (I keep them in my purse or car when I go out the door and in the frig at home). Take walks, do exercise and visualize yourself shrinking. It will happen. We're here and we care.

[Motivated 1980]

Re: Hating myself right now..

My God you sound like me. I've been dieting for about 8+ years and have had my ups and downs. After pregancy I weighed 150lbs and wanted to go back down to my 120lb weight, so I started starving and extremely exercising myself. Well I made to 118lbs and all of a sudden I was betrayed by my hunger, I never knew that I could be sooo hungry. To make a long story short, My ending weight became to be 186lbs and like you became very depressed. I was crying every other day, till someone comented " sweetheart it's all in your hands, only you can help you". And I thought to myself, "you know she's right". So I found my will power and decided, "hey, I'm gonna do this, I can't keep gaining weight". I'ts been a week for me and I already lost 6lbs and am very happy about it. I am greatful that I'm sticking to it. But, I'm not going to lie, on my fist day I was withdrawling very badly, still kept telling myself "only you can help you". By my third day I was ok. I'm on my second week now and I'm feeling great, I feel like I can do this forever. So, go ahead and find your will power and hang on to it. "Only you can help you". And if you feel cravings, try to satisfy them with an induction approved snack like hard cheese or something. Hang on there, you'll get through this and you'll make it. This is a great site. I believe you'll find the answers to your questions here and the motivation you need. So, cmon, let's do this. Were in it together!

[Love2Lose]

Re: Hating myself right now..

I want to say thank you so much to each and everyone of you that offered your support. I am very touched. I read each and everyones post and everyone one of you is right. I can do this and I will do this. I did it before nothing is different now. I just need to stop making excuses for myself and stop telling myself that todays my last cheat and I'll start tomorrow.
I had my pity party and I want to thank all of you for coming. But it is time to start working and looking forward to the new me.. I love this board.