What do you do when you lose your Atkins partner to carbs?

[valleriek]

Hey all. I am feeling pretty discouraged. My BF and I started Atkins a little over a month ago. He lost 20 pounds and I lost 12. He went away on a work trip today and when I talked to him, he has already given up, he was too hungry at lunch so he ate the whole burger, bun, AND fries. So when I talked to him tonight, he was at dinner, he didn't offer to tell me what he ordered. I am just so bummed out, I have worked so hard making all this LC food for us, and we were very successful too! I gave him all kinds of advice for how to continue while he is on this work trip. He didn't bother to bring a cooler, didn't get groceries to put in the little fridge, he is just eating out along with all the other guys. I gave him lots of helpful advice, which I got from here, like buy cheesesticks, order double veggies, no potato, ditch the bun, order salad, bring tuna packets, etc, etc...

He was the one who did so well, why can't he just continue without me there??? I am so frustrated!!! I didn't realize how much I counted on his support until he took himself out of the game. I know he wants me to continue, but I am feeling so frustrated with him, I don't know what to do!!!! He will be home on Thursday, then what?? Am I supposed to start over doing all this hard work for him just for him to quit again next time he has to be out of town? Have you ever heard of LC cocependency? LOL

It just kills my motivation, even though I didn't ask him to join me in this WOE, I really came to depend on his support by him doing it along with me. I can go it alone, and you bet I will, but how do I move on from being so darn disappointed?? Am I just over reacting? I feel so let down!!!

[valleriek]

Re: What do you do when you lose your Atkins partner to carbs?

Also, I lost him this weekend, he had to have a gyro at our annual summerfestival. Then a night out, and berore you know it, he was off plan. He was so proud of his 20 pound loss, now what?? I told him that he is in charge of what he puts in his mouth and that he has learned what he needs to do in order to continue to lose wt. He said, "Iknow, Iknow, just too busy to bother." I miss my partner in this WOE.

[hopejoy]

Re: What do you do when you lose your Atkins partner to carbs?

hi,
I can sympathize, but honestly over the past year and a half that I've been doing this lots of my friends have done the same thing. They never stick to it. Ever! and so I have just kept doing it myself... (not perfectly) but really we can only depend on ourselves in the end. By you being the example you will encourage him to do it non verbally. I find it better to keep my mouth closed and let my results be my words. It's hard to argue with success. So many people at work were against me doing Atkins and thought it was 'unhealthy' to not have sweets/sugar/etc... once in a while! It got to the point of being an almost hostile environment. Now, the chick that gave me the most grief, is copying me and asking my advice and for recipes etc... still, I don't expect any support from her. It has to come from within for it to stick. Keep doing what you're doing for you and let him find his own way. Hopefully when he gets home he'll get back on track, but if he doesn't, stay strong and do this for YOU!!!! it's worth it.
liz

[moniegail]

Re: What do you do when you lose your Atkins partner to carbs?

val, i'm so sorry to hear that your BF wasn't able to stick with it during his time away from home. i know you are very disappointed, but stay strong, and don't let his decision derail any success you've both made up to this point. it sounds like you are his source of strength throughout this journey, and being away from home, he's just not strong enough to go it alone. he may realise in a day or two that he feels lousy from all the carbs, and he may decide on his own to get back on the wagon.

as for when he gets home, just continue as you were and hopefully he will come around. you both have been doing so great, and i wish you both continued success.

monie

ps-miss seeing ya in the buddy list, hope that school is going ok and you'll have time to stop in and say hello soon. be strong girlfriend!!!!

[Chicklady]

Re: What do you do when you lose your Atkins partner to carbs?

My husband lasted a day! Yes, a whole day! But, I'm on the Atkins WOL for ME, and he's gotta do what he's gonna. Of course I do keep telling him I'm gonna increase the life insurance on him

[losetocruise]

Re: What do you do when you lose your Atkins partner to carbs?

When we did Atkins years ago, my husband cheated at every opportunity and still lost more then me. But this time, even though I had to "fool" him into doing it, he is sticking very well.

The best thing you can do when he gets back is just continue preparing the low carb food as you did before. he will either stick with it or not. If not, the best incentive for him to go back on is to see you continue to lose.

And though harder, it is a good test for you to strengthen your power to stick with it. Kind of like an alcoholic has to learn to live in a world of social drinkers. I've gotten to a point where it does not bother me at all when non dieters eat ice cream or candy in front of me and this is a good point to reach.

I'm betting though that if you fix the food, he will eat it. Just as it was easier for him to go off plan in his business trip setting, it will be easier to stay on plan with you fixing the meals. LOL

[joee5]

Re: What do you do when you lose your Atkins partner to carbs?

I dunno what to tell you because I dont have a workout partner. I am doing this solo. You need to want to do this for yourself. You dont need anyone else but you. If you want it then go out and do it. Dont rely on others. Mostly they baggage anyhow. Why would it discourage you, if you are succeeding and continuing on your mission. I say your proboly better off by yourself because posts from you, you state that you end up cheating because of him. Maybe now you'll stay true and focused. Val, you dont need anyone else to motivate you. You gotta want to do this for yourself. If you need motivation then do what I do, stand in front of a mirror and ask yourself if you are happy looking this way. You want motivation, then that should motivate you. It works for me. Once you get on your horse and truely commit yourself to this and the pounds slide off, then he'll realize that what your doing is good for you and he'll appreciate the fact that you stayed on. Cant let everything bum you out, need to be strong mentally and overcome small hurdles such as this. If you want it bad enough, then you will succeed. If you dont, then you will fail. Sounds blunt and I'm shooting from the hip here, but maybe this is what you need to hear. Just trying to help. is all. God Bless,Joe

[Alexa]

Re: What do you do when you lose your Atkins partner to carbs?

Hey there,

I can understand you disappointment, but I think you need to carry on regardless. You are doing this for you. As you said, he is responsible for what he eats.

I have tried diets with my BF before and it never worked out. It is better for me, if I am in this for myself and don't have to rely on someone else or have someone to persuade each other to cheat with.

Best of luck

[Nick9973]

Re: What do you do when you lose your Atkins partner to carbs?

Hi Val,

I'm a firm believer that if you do what's best for YOU, everything else will fall into place. That includes your boyfriend following in your footsteps when he realizes how much weight you have lost, how much energy you have, and how much happier you have become! "Be the change you wish to see in the world!" Hang in there! You're doing great!

[valleriek]

Re: What do you do when you lose your Atkins partner to carbs?

Thanks everyone. Ugh, I was just taking it too personally I guess. Yes, you are all right though, I am in this for me. He can jump back on board if he wants to, that is up to him. I am just going to put it out of my mind and go forward with MY plan because I HAVE to do this! Thanks for all the good advice. I can't count on anyone but me, I need to learn that.

I did text him last night about how I feel and woke up to a msg this am that said, 'Good morning, I am headed to the grocery store to get something healthy for my lunch!! ' So that is a good thing, but ultimately I won't worry about him. He doesn't have a lot to lose, maybe 20-25 more, and he will choose to do it or not. I gave him the tools. I really don't care if he is 205 or 165, I like him just fine either way!

[kellymch2006]

Re: What do you do when you lose your Atkins partner to carbs?

Good luck to you. I think it's similar to quitting smoking. It's something you do for YOU.

My husband always has a donut in one hand and a sugar free candy in the other hand. He eats up my stuff while stuffing himself with carbs. It ticks me off.

If he were just eating low carb, I wouldn't mind a bit. It's the fact that he eats chips, donuts, cookies, ice cream and THEN finds my cream cheese muffins and eats them up. Grrrrr!!!

[kellyf48]

Re: What do you do when you lose your Atkins partner to carbs?

Maybe it is hard for him in front of the other guys to say no also.

[jimmyolsenblues]

Re: What do you do when you lose your Atkins partner to carbs?

but how do I move on from being so darn disappointed??

i know exactly how you feel, a long time ago i was married and i tried to lose weight, iactually believe my xwife kept me down, so if i hate myself, i would not bug her, i would not push her to get better.

i identify with this statement all the time....MISERY LOVES MISERABLE COMPANY.

[julirama723]

Re: What do you do when you lose your Atkins partner to carbs?

Stick with it.

I've never had an Atkins buddy. True, my boyfriend really changed the way he eats, giving up processed food and junk food, but he's not doing low-carb, but rather, a whole foods sort of thing.

Anyway, even if he were to quit eating healthy foods, does that mean I quit too? Are we conjoined twins? Do we share a brain? NO! I am doing this for ME, all by myself.

I think that's the way you have to look at it. You are in this, flying solo. You are doing this for YOU, and you won't depend on anybody else to be a diet buddy, because you have everything you need right inside yourself. You had the initiative to start this WOL, and you have the determination to continue.

I would tell him to make a choice though--what he's doing is NOT healthy. You can't be healthy only when it's convenient. It's a 24/7 responsibility. Eating healthy stuff then falling off the deep end and see-sawing back and forth is considered yo-yo dieting. Maybe Atkins isn't for him? It's not for everyone. If he wants to get healthy, maybe he should research different types of plans and find one that works for him, one that he can live with.

Whatever YOU do, don't give up! You've come this far, and 12 pounds is NOTHING to scoff at!

[DesertRain]

Re: What do you do when you lose your Atkins partner to carbs?

Hi Val,
You've gotten some really good advice, but I feel that reiterating the whole, "do this for you" thing can't get old. It's the whole you are the most important person to you thing. I mean, nobody else in this world will have been there for you since the day you were born until the day you die, except you, right? Nobody else will know you, like you know you, and pretty much you're the only person you can rely on to be there for you 100% of the time. Do this for you and your success will emanate the real benefits of why you chose this WOL. Don't miss the opportunity that you have come across, it takes so much more effort to actually begin a new lifestyle than it does to maintain one and people aren't always on the same boat. You are so lucky that you found the willpower within yourself to start something fantastic but realize that there were times when you knew you wanted to start and just didn't have the ambition to continue at that time. Perhaps this is where your BF is, he want's to do something for himself but is lacking that extra......push. Don't give up and keep on being strong, be proud of yourself and it's very likely that your success will be the motivation he may need to give him that extra push.