Feeling a bit ashamed, frustrated and deprived.

[shelly808]

Re: Feeling a bit ashamed, frustrated and deprived.

What a thoughtless person that person was Marcella! Some people!

I hear you Kathy, and cant wait to feel that way.

Carole, yes it feels good to not be numbing out life and to actually participate in it! Your tip is kind of the method I used to quit drinking... rational thought, I found smartrecovery.org, which teaches rational emotive behavioral therapy...they have a bunch of tools for people to learn how to change their thinking.

I'm-a-working on it! Thanks for everyone's support! Hey anyone know how to attatch a picture in a post????? I want to show you all the beach that I have been depriving myself of...
Shelly

[lisau39]

Re: Feeling a bit ashamed, frustrated and deprived.

I agree with Jenn. You have that beautiful beach in Hawaii that I would LOVE to go to. I am soooo jealous. Elizellen has something there too when she asked if you have to wear a suit. I wear my one piece and a pair of shorts. I'm comfy and that's all that matters. We do put too much thought into what others may think and it's sad.
Good luck.

(((lisa)))

[shelly808]

Re: Feeling a bit ashamed, frustrated and deprived.

I totally agree with everyone...

But if you have been in depression for so long and have barely even left your own house for a couple of years, going to an open beach practically naked is not all that easy....

sorry to all you folks that think its a stupid and silly way to feel...yes it could very well be ego and pride but that is how I feel....its not a conscious thought, its a feeling!

Everyone has their own issues and hurdles they must climb...this has been one of mine. It's been painful. I realize that I am very very luck to live where I do!!!! And now I am finally out and about enjoying it again!

[Gottabringmeback]

Re: Feeling a bit ashamed, frustrated and deprived.

I read your post and feel the same way, the last 10 years I feel like I have not been really living the way I should-just work and home..not much of anything I love to do because of being self concious. The beach was out of the question- not only due to the difficulty walking thru sand (yes, at this age I had that problem, stupid!) but also, I would not put on a bathing suit for the life of me! I didn't want to see myself in one, less alone have someone else see me.
The thing is ever since I made up my mind and started atkins, I have never felt better, more energetic, better disposition and I am in the pool daily...in a bathing suit! I live in florida and I was bleach white and looking dead (being fat looks worse when you're completly white) ...Now I have some color on me, I'm swimming laps daily, just overall a better feeling. Get out there and love life! (esspecially in Hawaii!)

PS. Would love to see some pics!

[ziggy]

Re: Feeling a bit ashamed, frustrated and deprived.

i have been ashamed of my body my entire life its just the past year that i now see myself as great. my upper body atleast but my lower body still needs excess skin removal surgery done

my whole life i had to wear extra clothes to cover up my gross body and the pain from over heating was unbearable i had horrible man boobs that made me so ashamed that i could never wear the light T-shirts in the hot summer days but rather had to wear the heavy thick T-shirts that caused great pain from over heating

but anyways this is what i did to fix it

Atkins diet lost over 100 pounds
Whent to the gym for a year gained lots of muscle
had upper body excess skin removeal surgery
more gym

now i can safely say my upper body looks great now i just need to fix my lower body but there is no rush because when i wear shorts it completely covers up all the bad parts and i can move around in shorts easily and not overheat so there is no problem what so ever


heres some tips to help

if you have a problem with excess skin after the lost weight then i find tucking your shirt in hides it very well before i had skin removeal surgery i did this for almost a year at the gym and i was very comfortable
with out the fat there the skin can be flatend and or moved somehow to not look as bad

make sure you go to the gym you need to tone your body up thats how you fix excess skin but if you lost around 100 pounds the gym wont be enough you will need the gym and excess skin removal surgery

the excess skin removal surgery was painless the missed sleep i got was far more painful then the entire operation atleast for me anyways xD i got a tummy tuck and a breast reduction. the surgery is not cheap though


dont bother going to the beach really there is just no way people like us can go swiming with out the horrible stress of are looks that make it a very upsetting experience

instead tone up work out alot and once you can look at yourself in the mirror and say hey i look good then your ready for the beach

do exercise that effectively tones your body it helps big time dont just do cardio or something and leave all your other body parts. but most imortantly make sure you are COMFORTABLE while doing it because you will need to do it alot almost everyday and if you are not comfortable then you will not want to do it

some times a place can start out at only 70% comfortable zone but then go to 100% so in other words if a place starts out at 0% comfortable zone then it most likely will not get any better but if it starts out at 70% then chances are it will get to 100%

so your first goal should be find a way of toneing your body and exerciseing while being Comfortable and Stress Free

and dont lie to yourself you will know if you are Comfortable and Stress Free

[attagirl_]

Re: Feeling a bit ashamed, frustrated and deprived.

shelly, you've gotten such great advice here. i just want to add my two cents. first off, this is my first chance to respond to something you've written and i've wanted to say hi for a while because i grew up in hawaii! went to kalani and absolutely love your neck of the woods...waimanalo, lanikai, kailua are my favorite beach memories for sure. secondly, i can commiserate: i am as fair-skinned as they come and i was always chubby, and even when i wasn't, i didn't know it (remember, you are never as fat as you think you are!) and growing up in hawaii is all about laying around on the beach getting tan. i was never bikini ready (or bikini brave) so being in the midst of a sea of "hot bodies" was excruciating. i was always a swimmer, but i too would not participate in things like waterskiing for fear of what others would think and as i look back, i realize i missed out on so much fun that was mine for the taking. you know, we women get to a certain age, we've lived enough life and gathered a whoe lotta wisdom along the way, and we realize, as i hope you will, like misplaced southerner said (i live in nashville!), this is OUR life, this is OUR joy, this is OUR opportunity to reclaim ourselves, our purpose, our confidence, our spirit. don't let another day slip away, shelly. the ladies are right--lands end miracle suits are awesome. slap one on, make a mad dash for that bathtub of an ocean, sink down until just your head is bobbing in the water, and reaquaint yourself with one of the best parts of living in hawaii. wish i could take a swim with you.

sending love and aloha your way,
attagirl

[shelly808]

Re: Feeling a bit ashamed, frustrated and deprived.

Thanks attagirl!
Wow Nashville, waaaaaay different from here. My brother grew up here but he lives in Tennisee too, he thinks it just beautiful there.

I graduated from Moanaloa in 82. I sometimes really feel the need to move to the mainland, but I get .... scared. Ha ha. Na, husband plays music in waikiki 7 nights a week, he would never leave...he's born and raised here. He likes the mainland but he thinks he could never get what he has here...there....besides he would never leave the ocean.

I do feel lucky to be living on the windward side. Its funny, since I have started to "come around" it's like little mini vacations when we go out and about.

I am loving the out doors! For too long I have been holed up with the curtains drawn. No more. I really attribute feeling so good to HORMONES!! I was sooooo depressed for such a long time...I had no idea it could be progesterone and estrogen! I thought I was way too young for that....WRONG! Bio-identicals have saved my life...believe me, I am enjoying myself these days....cutting the carbs has really helped too.

I do go to the beach, quite often - I walk it, I just am not ready to cruise about in a suit yet. I will get there though.

Heres a couple of pictures of Kalama beach (a 3 minute walk from my house) and Lanikai...they came out small, I must have save them wrong.

[attagirl_]

Re: Feeling a bit ashamed, frustrated and deprived.

oh, i'm green with envy...the pictures make me miss it sooo bad! this is funny...i graduated in 84. we have about the same stats so i'll be looking out for you! you're gonna do great--especially if you get in that water, sister!!

aloha nui,
attagirl

[shelly808]

Re: Feeling a bit ashamed, frustrated and deprived.

I noticed that! Ok will see you around!

[JulieB]

Re: Feeling a bit ashamed, frustrated and deprived.

I got a couple suits from Land's End last year - they fit really well -some of them even have underwire bras right in them so you get some control. I also like tankinis - looks like you are wearing shorts and a tank-top, but they are made for swimming (and will dry out MUCH faster than street clothes).

I totally get what you are saying though - we spend our summer week-ends on the beach & a couple weeks in Mexico in the winter and I LOVE the water...but hate being seen in a bathing suit. I wear a cover-up & take it off just before I get in the water and wrap a towel around myself when I get out...I don't worry about it when I'm IN the water - you really can't see anything anyway .

I try not to care what other people think...but it is hard. I try to think about it this way: I could be sitting on the beach eating ice-cream - and have something to be embarrased about, or be in the water getting some exercise - and have something to be proud of. I still walk pretty fast from the towel to the water tho

[shelly808]

Re: Feeling a bit ashamed, frustrated and deprived.

Julie,
you are too cute and FUNNY!!! I am going to walk the beach this afternoon...