healthy you+not so healthy friends=no friends

[kibskix]

i saw that show x-weighted yesterday and it really hit on a subject that i've been trying to ignore lately. i dont know if its just a problem with my generation or with older people too but it sucks and is probably a big reason people fall off the wagon over and over.

who here has noticed that once you get healthy and take time to take care of yourself, some of your 'friends' lash out at you? i myself have experienced two catagories of this (i'm a nerd thats just how my brain works darnit!)

1. people who always came to you as their drinking buddy or their guilty food buddy etc suddenly start calling you boring. i'm taking time to be good to myself and be healthier, so i don't drink at all. i was never that big on it to begin with except now and then, so i'm not going out to bars or parties. my bf used to play pool tournaments at a bar every tuesday and i always went to support him but i dont go anymore because i dont want to be around the 'one beer wont hurt' people(btw, HE didn't give me a hard time for not wanting to go, in fact he hardly goes anymore and hardly drinks anymore too. he's a peach.). then i'm of course not going out and gorging myself on crappy food, so i'm not making fast food runs in the middle of the night after bar hopping, etc.
because of these changes, i've suddenly becoming the 'boring' one, whereas i used to be the super fun one. it goes both ways though, i've started paying more attention to my friends habits and i feel rather angry toward some of them because they do such bad things to themselves, then whine about their weight. my best friend is the worst about it, last time i talked to her she was going out for her birthday (2 days after mine) and her plans were to just go get totally trashed at a club and eat as much garbage as she could. she's 5'3 and probably around 300lbs, and complains nonestop about her weight. one of my goals is to be around my goal weight by next october when we all get together annual to go camping, but now i'm suddenly worrying that it won't be any fun for me since i won't be drinking myself stupid with the rest of them.

now i dont go around bragging and preaching and talking all the time about losing weight and atkins and working out. the only people i really say anything to about it are my mom and my bf. but the last time i talked to the best friend she asked how i was doing, so i said i'd lost almost 40lbs from my highest weight, 15 in the last month or so. she called me lucky. .... lucky? like i just woke up and it magically happened? i worked my butt off for it. so i told her so, and she just says things like 'oh i wish i could lose weight but i'm just too lazy haha. let me know your secret' i've explained atkins to her in the past at least 5 times. sometimes i just want to say 'my secret is getting off my ***!'

2. the other set of people seem to feel guilty around me because my good habits make them realize how bad their habits are, so they're constantly trying to sabotage me. not even by offering me bad stuff, but more like griping at me by telling me i'm being unhealthy or obsessive or 'its not a big deal to be overweight you're missing out on the good life by being so hard on yourself'. my bf's mom is bad about this, she's always trying to buy me chocolate and have him bring it to my house. I've made it very clear I won't be eating it and to stop spending money on me like that because she knows i'm on a healthy eating plan. so then she complains 'y'know having some once in a while isn't going to kill you, and its rude to tell people not to buy you things' iosfjuisdhgilsudhgliudfg!!!!!

i'm about 3 of these 'talks' away from totally blowing up on some of these people. i don't say anything to them about the way they eat even if i think its unhealthy, i don't preach and gripe at them, why are they griping at me for being healthier? i made the mistake of telling someone i was working out 1-2 hours a day, and they treated me like i'd just admitted to smoking crack! like something was wrong with me!

i'm basically at the conclusion that most of my friends are stuck being high school kids who think they can abuse their bodies forever with no consequences. it makes me feel like i'm out growing them, which makes me sad. i've known these people for half my life, but i'm the only one who's left the small town we grew up in and gone into the real world, and the only thing to do in that town is drink and act like a fool, so i want to just blame it on that. but i think it might be time to find more supportive friends...

[EverLosing]

Re: healthy you+not so healthy friends=no friends

Kibs, it sounds like you need to use that new gym membership to develop some new healthy friendships!! The upside to that is...the people you meet at the gym are very likely to be on the same page you are! Good luck!

[kibskix]

Re: healthy you+not so healthy friends=no friends

oh speaking of that everlosing, no membership for me at least not right now. they revoked their free enrollment right before my birthday which was the only reason i could afford to do it. so when i went the day -after- my birthday to go get it, i was met with a rediculous fee i couldn't afford. i was very upset actually because that was supposed to be my birthday present... so i'm back on that darn gazelle, and i went and got a stability ball, and the bf still wants to get me a recumbent bike. i'm trying to make the best out of it, but it was like i got all built up and excited to have a membership to a gym with access to trainers etc etc, and got my bubble burst. yay being poor!

[lulu08]

Re: healthy you+not so healthy friends=no friends

I can relate to the no gym issue....I live in a VERY isolated part of Wyoming where I have to drive an hour to the nearest gym. So ive been allowing myself to go two days a week because I really need to be healthier. However, the other days I have to be creative...I dont know what kind of area you live in but I have been hiking around behind my neighborhood and challenging myself to go further each time. I also have a wii fit which really helps the exercise "cabin fever".Or there is always those good ole 5 dollar dvds...I found an awesome pilates one that really kicks your butt! Does your bf like to work out? If so, that would be a good bonding event for you.
Im sorry ur friends are being that way, I dealt with that last night, I have a friend that lives in the town with the gym and she usually meets me there, it helps to have a support group, well, last night she called me when I was half way there to say she was going drinking instead and did I want to come? Well, needless to say, I worked out harder then ever, then stopped by the bar she was at to give her my two cents,drank a water, and left!I hope you are able to find a good friend to support you.

[BikiniBy2010]

Re: healthy you+not so healthy friends=no friends

I totally hear ya. My old best friend when I was younger would always complain about her weight.. well we both would... and I always put myself down, constantly-- not in a serious fashion but in a joking fashion.
I knew she got off on me talking **** about myself, it made her feel better. I ended up losing weight and quit my "old ways".. and I noticed she didn't act the same around me anymore.
I actually became a person and not her self-esteem booster!
Hurray!!

But then I got preggerz and here I am needing to drop the weight.. again..! I am sure she is happy about that :P

[planetclaire]

Re: healthy you+not so healthy friends=no friends

First off, I'm really sorry you won't be getting that gym membership! That's too bad, I know you were looking forward to having some variation in your workouts. Do you have a bike? I bike alot in the spring/summer/fall - its great exercise, esp if you do hills

I've been in a similar situation with friends....there are a few that I haven't seen in years now because suddenly all I wanted to do was go to the gym, and I didn't drink or eat the way I once did...but I did start hanging around with thinner people and they don't try to make you feel guilty about not eating. I discovered that most of my thin friends actually work hard to stay thin.

My mum is actually the worst when it comes to food....she bakes and likes to bring me things and when I say I won't eat it, she tries to pressure me to just have a taste, just because she is able to have one bite, does not mean that I can do the same, and she doesn't get it. And yes, she is thin, never had a weight problem! Why didn't I get her genes??

Just remember that even if you are not getting support from the RL friends, you've got it in spades in here When I did Atkins the first time I did it with the support of an online community like this one, and I am still friends with most of those people, and I have met many of them since that time!

[kibskix]

Re: healthy you+not so healthy friends=no friends

hah stupid genes indeed. I got all my dads side's genes, all the women on that side have very wiiiiide hips, and large chests, very veluptuous sort of people but all of them are overweight or yoyo dieters (my overweight cousin went from an 18 to a 4 starving herself, then got pregnant and gained 80lbs in 5 months!). My moms side everyone is athletic and naturally thin. my cousin on -that- side is model-gorgeous. i played soccer for 10 years and thats the only thing that saved me from being a totally obese child, she could sit around and eat garbage and still look like she spend 10 hours a day in the gym.

[shelly808]

Re: healthy you+not so healthy friends=no friends

Hi Kibs,
Maybe you can ask your bf to pay for the membership or at least the enroll/sign up fees instead of the bike???

I can totally relate to feeling alone. After giving up drinking my 2 best friends slowly stopped calling me after they figured out I was not going to partake anymore. (I gave in often in the past).

The recovery group that I was using to learn how to abstain uses REBT, (Rational, emotive, behavioral therapy. Basically all it means is learning how to determine whats rational and whats not, and behavior modification.

Even thou you are not an alcoholic or anything like that, what you are going through is very similar to what the recovering person has got to move through in order to fully recover and live a full and vibrant life. I was taught that I actually needed to take action...as you know, your friends are not going to change just because you have.

I was encouraged and told that it's important to get out there meet people that are healthy, fun and have a positive outlook on life! They are around.

A gym is one place, but you can meet people at school, taking some class that may interest you such as pottery, yoga, painting, or whatever floats your boat. There are also groups that you can join like the sierra club that do weekly or monthly hikes...there is all kinds of stuff out there to check out.

Good luck!

[kibskix]

Re: healthy you+not so healthy friends=no friends

ok this is totally off topic but I was just preheating my oven and it exploded! the coil on the bottom literally broke in half and fell to the bottom of the oven and shot sparks out the oven with the door closed! juuuuuust great. thankfully we just went and got gas for the grill, so now i'm cooking my casserole outside on the grill.

[MrsChesterDogg]

Re: healthy you+not so healthy friends=no friends

I'm amazed at the number of people who actually get offended when you say that you are on an extremely low carb eating plan. They act as if you have said that you don't believe in God! I say that you are better off without that first set of friends. Sounds like you are a nice person so you could make friends just about anywhere. BTW good work on your healthy eating and exercising plan!

[jennbeingme]

Re: healthy you+not so healthy friends=no friends

Yep- I had a few of those friends- but on the other side of the coin- I teach a a local elementary school . The staff at this school is VERY sports / athletics oriented-- one teacher was on the Canadian national field hockey team of all things. Last year everyone was friendly ( i was 180) but not - IYKWIM this year- with the weight loss and the fact that I'm starting to work out etc.. ( and attend lacrosse games with my hubby- GO RUSH!) all of a sudden I'm on the "in" I don't think I've changed on the inside- but maybe I have- energy, outlook who knows?- but maybe you are changing to. I think you might need to make new friends to match the new you and your new outlook on life. This is easier said than done- I know-

[Kathi22]

Re: healthy you+not so healthy friends=no friends

Kibs, I am wondering if we live in the same town!!! You just explained my same problem; however, this problem is with my spouses family and friends. All they do is eat lots of variety of foods and alcohol. Everyday is a party here. I have stayed away for several months now and you would think I committed a crime. They barely talk to me when we do see them at some functions and they have completely disregarded that I have lost weight. Fine by me!! I have found being thinner and healthier is allowing me to finally be really happy. I want to see things, go places, and explore. I don't want to go to the local dive bar, get trashed, go to the local convenience store and buy all the nasty food to fill my drunken gut and then wake up the next day to swap drunk stories of the night before. I am well pass this stage and happy to be!

Luckily, I have 2 best friends that support me and are very happy with what I am doing; as I am for them and their plans too.

As for the gym membership, have you considered calling them and explaining you can afford the monthly membership but not their start up fee and if they could honor the promo you were a day late for? They may be willing. If not, wait it out and use your own body for exercise. Walk, jog, do aerobics, use your own weight for strength training. Google at home exercises, there are a ton of websites and videos that show you how to do resistance training without equipment.

[chinadoll]

Re: healthy you+not so healthy friends=no friends

Kib, I think you hit the nail on the head when you said your good habits make them feel bad about themselves. You are also ahead of them in maturity. They haven't grown up beyond the high school/college party mentality and you have moved on. They will get there eventually and maybe you will be close again or maybe by then you will have different friends. Bottom line is that many of us don't keep our high school or home town friends as we grow.

As for the gym, so sorry to hear that it didn't work out. walking and water aerobics (there are routines on the Internet) are two of my staples. Invest in good shoes and if there is a community pool around get a membership there. a couple sets of dumbbells and an exercise ball and you are set!