I am so ashamed

[lisau39]

I have worked so very hard to get from 222 to 172 in the past months. Atkins worked for me 10 yrs ago and it has been working for me again.
About 8 weeks ago I found a recipe for a low carb ice cream that i could make myself. I went crazy!I haven't gained any weight back but I haven't lost a pound in almost 2 mos either.
Why is that I can work so hard and exercise and then talk myself into eating 3 or 4 cups of this 'ice cream' every night? Why do I want to sabotage? Is this addiction?
I have not touched any breads, rices or any desserts, candy, etc... but I sure gobbled that "ice cream". Why? I guess cause I figured it was "ok"?
I am so terribly ashamed of myself. I was(am) so ashamed that I stopped posting. I felt(feel) like such a fraud.
Well, I am here to say that I stopped eating that delicious 'ice cream' and am back on track.
I am a true wienie. I really thought I could do this MY way. After all the posts I've read and all the heartache I read I still thought I was different.
Thanks for listening.
Some advice? A kick in the butt? anything?

(((lisa)))

[not2late]

Re: I am so ashamed

Think about it this way...

1. You are back on track.
2. You have learned what is a food trigger for you. That is very important.

[SunnySmile501]

Re: I am so ashamed

No reason to feel ashamed. We are addicts, plain and simple. Good that you found this out before you were back up to your original high weight. Keep coming here, especially when you are fighting the carb demons. We can fight them together.

[lisau39]

Re: I am so ashamed

Thanks for the support.
I really told myself that it was ok to eat all that 'ice cream' because it was made with cream, splenda, vanilla and ricotta. I really believed it. I knew I was hurting myself and I couldn't stop or I didn't want to. weird. I could walk past a vending machine, order fast foods for family and not want it, bake cakes, go to a restaurant and eat Atkins friendly- no problems. But that recipe for that 'ice cream' did me in. It was habit going out every 3 days to buy cream and ricotta to make it so I'd have it the next day.
I worked 12-15 hr days and was so darned tired but I would make that ice cream before bed!I thought about it at work, in the shower, wherever! I was hooked! And I knew it.
I stopped posting and reading the ADBB and this happened. I was out of control. Unreal.

(((lisa)))

[liv]

Re: I am so ashamed

Welcome back lisa. Glad to hear you have beaten that monster. I know exactly how you feel though. I have had foods talk me into things too. Weaknesses - we just do have them. And sometimes it takes a while to acknowledge it.
I am thinking that that 5 carb limit there is on everything after vegetables is there for a reason

[Luvmybabies]

Re: I am so ashamed

Good for you for realizing it and getting back on track before you gained back what you have lost! That is the most important step.

[lisau39]

Re: I am so ashamed

I am back on track and I feel good. I talked myself into "172 lbs is as thin as I am going to get. I'll be a size 12 the rest of my life because I'm over 40 and over 40 folks don't lose like a 20 or 30 yr old. blah blah blah"
I am amazed how I talked myself into this stuff. It is funny. Those danged demons! LOL!
Anyway, I've even started pilates and made a promise to myself that I will take off this last 20 lbs. I've gotten 50 off , I can do 20 more.
Again, thanks for all the support I get here.

(((lisa)))

[attagirl_]

Re: I am so ashamed

we've all been there, will likely be there again, but isn't it nice to know there are people here who can talk you down from the ledge?!

[GeminiPrincess]

Re: I am so ashamed

Good for you for coming back..........I've found that the days you don't want to come online because you feel like a failure are the days that you need it most!

I too have had a few foods that I've overdone it on, because I thought they weren't "that bad". now you know your trigger.....

Congrats on losing so much weight. Keep yourself going! Don't let that negative talk get you down. You have to be your own best friend. Treat yourself (and that means no negative self-talk) as you would you best friends.

Hang in there!
Rita Marie

[momtomany1]

Re: I am so ashamed

This is going to be a 'lite recap' of something I have learned in a book I have been listening too, a book about 'psycho-cybernetics' or 'teaching your brain what you want out of life.'

You know those little robots folks are learning to produce? they'll turn them on and let them learn to navigate hallways, offices, etc. These little mechanisms learn by bumping into walls and desks until finally they learn their way.

We aren't all that different. We learn from mistakes, so the worse thing is to do nothing, make no mistakes, and not learn. We have to learn what doesn't work, and discard that, to home in on what does work. Don't feel bad for being fully human!

[lisau39]

Re: I am so ashamed

thanks for being so supportive.
I think I lost track of needing help and guidance. "I can do this on my own, no problem."- what a wienie! I know I can't do this alone. I have to commit myself 100% to this program if it's going to work. I know I am human, I will make mistakes. I just have to learn to deal with those mistakes the right way and not eat myself silly for 6 weeks! I am very happy I didn't gain any weight but if I'm not careful I will.
Thanks again.

((lisa))