All the questions make me uncomfortable!!

[CaseyB]

Okay, to start with the positive, I'm two months in and thirty pounds down. I love this diet!

My family knows that I'm doing Atkins, and they are constantly asking me about it. They're always asking how much I've lost and pulling at my jeans and telling me they're too big. I don't know why, but it makes me really uncomfortable. It's no one's damn business how much I've lost or how much I want to lose or what my start/goal weights are! I'm trying to do this for myself, and I don't want to be accountable to anyone else.

I don't mind compliments--I also got my hair cut (I love how as soon as we start losing weight, we all go and get great haircuts), and it's been very positively received. I don't mind that sort of positive attention. I'm just tired of people clawing at me and asking really personal questions. I know they're all trying to be supportive, and I don't want to be rude. Has anyone else encountered this? Am I being a jerk?

[Georgiana]

Re: All the questions make me uncomfortable!!

Mom is doing the same thing. Dad, on the other hand, never asks (or notices... ) anything about my weight. So I put my mom in training and it is (slowly!) getting better. She still asks me often how much I lost this week/month/since we last talked/since I last brushed my teeth/etc., but at least it's not an every-time-we-talk thing anymore.

Try talking to your family and explain how you feel. Also check out Kent's video on this topic: YouTube - Atkins Diet: How should spouses / partners support weight loss activities?

[JulieB]

Re: All the questions make me uncomfortable!!

I made it clear to my Mom when I started that I didn't want to discuss it.

I also find that vague answers (no numbers!) tell people that you don't want to share. I answer "quite a bit", "I'm happy with it", "Thanks, it is going well", never "30 lbs", or "2 sizes". I do share some of my milestones - "I'm 25% of the way to goal" or "I'm back to what I weighed in college", but that is my choice, not theirs

[msanjelpie]

Re: All the questions make me uncomfortable!!

I don't mind so much now that I'm still fat - it's kinda a fun saying that I've lost 36 lbs etc... but once I get skinny, when everyone says 'Wow, you're so skinny!' when they wouldn't think about saying that to other normal people they know really drives me nuts. It's like I'm not a person, I'm just 'skinny' or Hi! Skinny!... I know they think it makes me feel good, but I'd rather just be treated like everyone else...

[neutronnorman]

Re: All the questions make me uncomfortable!!

What I have a hard time with is the "I'm too skinny" bit.

[pagliaccia]

Re: All the questions make me uncomfortable!!

What gets me are the compliments, because I subconsciously apply the opposite to how they used to see me. Example: "Wow, you so good!" = "Wow, you looked like utter **** before!"

Then again, I saw myself that way too, so I guess it's no big deal.

[Valinerya]

Re: All the questions make me uncomfortable!!

I'm not at the point in my loss where anyone is asking any questions. I'm pretty excited about it though, so I do call my Mom to talk about it sometimes. She asks me how my diet is going, and I tell her. She is still totally amazed that I have bacon sausage and eggs for breakfast

I imagine when I lose enough so people notice, I'll be okay with the general stuff, but if it gets personal I'll speak up. With my family though... all of us have struggled so much with weight, that nutrition and weight loss are totally normal parts of everyday conversation.

[LittleLinda]

Re: All the questions make me uncomfortable!!

I, on the other hand, just LOVE talking about how much I've lost. I'll tell anyone who asks, and sometimes even volunteer the information. But then again, nothing much in my life is secret anyway.

What I DON'T like is when people don't recognize me anymore. (I've lost 60lbs before I got pregnant). We live in a small town in Canada, so we see each other in stores and such, and it's just awful when acquaintances walk right by me.

We're all different though...thank goodness! You ain't no jerk

[Mick2360]

Re: All the questions make me uncomfortable!!

No one likes getting pawed at. It is just rude and many of us who are or have been heavy seem to have some shame related to our bodies. I know I do. There is nothing wrong with telling people that the attention that they are giving you is uncomfortable although you love then for TRYING to be positive.
Your feelings are your own and they are reflections of your own emotional safety zones. No good or bad there. Just remember that you are on a journey that will provide you with some interesting discoveries. Be kind to yourself and expect positive outcomes.

I would be interested to hear how this dynamic evolves for you. I wish you the best.

[CaseyB]

Re: All the questions make me uncomfortable!!

Make that 33 pounds (amazing things really do happen when you add butter)! I was talking to my best friend, who also has lost a decent amount, and she says what bothers her about the attention is that she's still the same person. A thinner person, but the same person nonetheless. And yet her mom keeps calling her and she's finally getting attention from guys. It really underscores how some people just dismiss fat people.

I was thinking this morning how hilarious people will think I am when I'm thin--I've had all these years as the funny fat friend to really sharpen my humor.

[imagood1]

Re: All the questions make me uncomfortable!!

When someone paws at you return the favor -- when they ask you what you're doing ask if they liked it -- then tell them you would appreciate if they stopped doing it. You don't have to be mean about it - be polite and see what happens.

It's too bad they are so interested in your success -- maybe you could give them a copy of your book and let them see for themselves how easy and wonderful this eating plan is.

[neutronnorman]

Re: All the questions make me uncomfortable!!

...she's finally getting attention from guys. It really underscores how some people just dismiss fat people.

It feels weird to get ogled at. I went into a local pharmacy last Friday afternoon and there was this young lady, selling products there, and she just kept staring at me and smiling. Yes, it's a compliment but after a while it sure feels awkward. I also noted that I receive far better attention from women working at the super market.

It's a guy's dream but I can see past the shallowness.

[EmDee]

Re: All the questions make me uncomfortable!!

I love it when someone notices and says I'm looking good...that is exactly the kind of reinforcement/motivation that I need to keep going!

[rosie321]

Re: All the questions make me uncomfortable!!

And yet her mom keeps calling her and she's finally getting attention from guys. It really underscores how some people just dismiss fat people.

It's not just that fat people get dismissed, it amazes me how "skinny" people are favored. I definitely don't consider myself to be "skinny" (yet), but I am constantly surprised at how differently I'm treated now compared to 150 pounds ago (lost 140lbs on low cal diet before switching to Atkins). There are just little things that I never would have noticed before: doors being held, discounts at the coffee shop, I was even allowed to skip to the first class line at airport security! What makes a man who is 20 years older than me, think that it's appropriate to tell me I have nice legs while I'm standing in line at Wendy's?

I'm totally with you... it just makes me uncomfortable.

[Momtofour]

Re: All the questions make me uncomfortable!!

Most questions don't bother me. The one that really bothered me was asked by an aquaintace of mine when I lost 65 pounds back in 2005.

You're husband must be thrilled with the weight loss. Is you sex life incredible now?

First of all my husband was still overweight (so his being heavy must not be an issue, but mine was), secondly it is none of her business, and lastly, fat people can have incredible sex lives. Uggghh