Am I just being silly?

**Kntrylady** · February 18, 2010, 11:08 AM

Re: Am I just being silly?

I haven't felt what you're feeling, but I don't think you are being silly either. Part of the journey is to examine how you feel as you go along. Since you are experiencing this now

I am of course a long way from being thin and have a lot of time to figure out why

I would encourage you to work through it now and not wait until later. If need be, you might get involved in a weight loss support group or seek a counselor . Those can be some overpowering feelings and I can see where they might sabotage your efforts.

CONGRATULATIONS on your losses so far, but also for looking inside yourself and recognizing your emotions.

**poobears1972** · February 18, 2010, 05:04 PM

Re: Am I just being silly?

Over the years many of us learn to hide behind our weight. When that starts to drop you have to relearn how to be the real you. Not the fat girl you that tries to hold back and blend in. It's a mental and emotional crutch others have different crutches they rely on.

Sometimes it's easier to sabotage yourself then to face those underlying issues. Good for you recognizing it and still moving forward. You'll adjust to the new you it will just take some time.

**funkyangel** · February 18, 2010, 05:32 PM

Re: Am I just being silly?

You are definitely NOT being silly. Congratulations so far

you'll get more confident as the new healthy you emerges.

Just like a butterfly-get ready to spread those wings!

**Sprocketjones** · February 18, 2010, 05:33 PM

Re: Am I just being silly?

I don't think you're being silly - it's good to be aware of the many many layers of issues that you deal with as someone who is losing weight. Be excited, embrace that silliness and save it for when you feel like you're reaching for a plateau!

**michelley** · February 18, 2010, 05:49 PM

Re: Am I just being silly?

I think we all gained weight for different reasons. For me, it's a mask so I don't have to figure out who I should be. I don't have to worry about what others are thinking because I'm pretty sure that all they are thinking is "She's the biggest one in the room". Now, I have to be responsible to looks from admirers, I have to deal with compliments, I have to be more active cause there's no excuse not to be.

I love the feel of my arms below the elbow now. It's funny, cause sometimes I lay on my back & just feel how thin my arms are. And I cross my legs ALL THE TIME!!! Yeah, I still have 40 lbs to lose, but there's so much I can do that I couldn't before.

I am still a little scared of losing more, it's a safety zone being this weight. Good luck & keep at it! It really is a great way of eating! It's so hard to believe that losing weight could be so easy!!!

**dragonlady1978** · February 18, 2010, 07:03 PM

Re: Am I just being silly?

You aren't silly at all. We all have our own issues as to why we allow ourselves to put on the weight, and in losing it, those issues have to be dealt with.

For me personally, my weight has been padding from world of people outside my own family. It's an excuse to not socialize, to not go shopping.....to go unnoticed when I am in public. It's alot easier to say I don't want to go out because I feel crappy about being fat, my clothes being tight, etc than it is to deal with the real issues, which stem from problems in my childhood.

I've noticed over the years that I've lost the weight and felt good about it all for awhile, then something bad would happen and I'd immediately start bingeing.

You've reminded me to look at this as more than just the physical loss of pounds, I thank you for that and wish you the best!!

**Suzanne_H** · February 18, 2010, 08:29 PM

Re: Am I just being silly?

This is one amazing thread, and I feel humbled to be among you. I see the weight losses and just think wow I can't wait... and like the OP I am also more than just a little anxious about no longer having this wall of fat to hide behind.

**Dryunderwater** · February 18, 2010, 10:11 PM

Re: Am I just being silly?

Well I can surely say that, I, like you Suzanne am completely humbled to have so many of you respond so positively to my post.

I do have some childhood issues and teenage issues that prompted me to hide behind a "wall of fat"....it made the admirers fewer and as you said Michelley, I already know what people are thinking "this way".

I have identified myself with this fat girl syndrome for so long that I am not even in any pictures for at least the last 8 years; unless of course they are close ups of my face. God is fair and I am blessed with beauty...lol. But I digress.....I am just comfortable with having been the "cute fat girl" for so long.

I don't date, I don't go to amusement parks, I don't go to night clubs (claiming that I don't like to dance and in my day I have been known to cut a rug in half!!!) I don't go anywhere that requires me to get on an airplane because I don't want to ask for the seat belt extension. I sweat everytime I move for more than a little ways. I dont' wear make-up (Dear Lord, I'm crying) I don't play with my daughter at the park. I don't ask for raises on my job, even when I know I'm doing better than other less talented employees. I don't even try to go shopping because I'm used to wearing the same stretched out size 24's and I refuse to go any higher.

I've just been living as a hermit in this crowded society and it hurts me so badly. I have made the choice now to get out and I never want to be back here again. I have been sticking to the plan and I have even caught myself smiling in the mirror a few times and it feels good, something I haven't felt in a long time, PRIDE. I have heard people say you can't miss what you never had....but I miss not feeling good about me, even though I never have (about my weight anyway) I miss not being a part of those pictures, I miss not going to funerals because I was ashamed of what people would think of how big I was, I even skipped my high school reunion because I was ashamed.

So, I gotta say, thank you for telling me I'm not being silly about the way I feel. It's new and it's scary because I'm actually succeeding and I'm proud of me, I am really proud of me and I felt like a million bucks when I noticed that my arms were no longer rubbing against my love handles when I walked. I just don't want this feeling to go away. I am falling in love with the taste of success.

Thanks again for your feedback everyone, I am grateful.

Best Wishes...

**michelley** · February 19, 2010, 05:30 PM

Re: Am I just being silly?

Sister, you are in good company here! You are voicing so many of my thoughts. Print your last post out & keep it nearby to remember. There may be spots where the weight loss slows, but then it picks up again. I'm so excited for you & for me & for all of us here!!! I can't wait to hear more from you as the weeks go by!!

**chinadoll** · February 20, 2010, 02:29 AM

Re: Am I just being silly?

I have been where you are and now know I don't want to spend my life hiding. I want to be out there. The worst thing that could happen to me is to think that my weight shielded me but also kept me from living. I hate the thought of spending my life hiding from who I should be. A friend once told me to think about my epitaph---do I want it to read that she never went anywhere or did anything because she was too fat? Harsh words but it did get me thinking that I would rather be scared trying to do new things than end up having done nothing.

You are going to be dealing with these issues for awhile. A weight loss support group or therapist (if you can afford it) is the way to go--many people have a hard time maintaining their losses when they haven't worked through the reasons why they were heavy so you are ahead of the game for seeing that these feelings are tied to your success. Great thread!

**Eama** · February 20, 2010, 10:06 AM

Re: Am I just being silly?

I've just been living as a hermit in this crowded society and it hurts me so badly.

Yes. I understand for sure. And I'm scared of getting thinner as well. I am scared of the attention it might get me.

So I try to focus only on the health aspects. I'm going to get healthy, not thin (although thin will be a side effect of healthy) I tell myself.

**Dryunderwater** · February 20, 2010, 10:35 AM

Re: Am I just being silly?

@Eama,

Thank you for that. I worry a bit about the attention I might get as well. I didn't have such a stellar introduction to dating in my teens and I had some VERY mature features. I feel like I am growing into a place now where I am at this age, mature enough to know how to handle that attention or at least gracefully acknowledge it...(I'm hoping)

It is rather intimidating however.....

You are in my category of weight and loss (nice to have someone like yourself here)....I hope to see you here often and we can help each other make it through these feelings.....Best wishes!

**Dryunderwater** · February 20, 2010, 10:43 AM

Re: Am I just being silly?

@China doll - I have been in so much therapy, I could start my own practice...lol. But seriously, you are right and I think I would benefit from joining maybe an overeater's anonymous or something to that affect. I could use the added support.

My daughter was recently diagnosed w/adhd and I just adore her therapist, so I have a pending appt scheduled with him to talk and I think I will bring these feelings up when I have that session. I definately will have "work" to do to keep me busy and out of the pantry. sigh...lol. It's going to be fine. I appreciate your words and associating yourself with where I am now.

@Michelly (sp?)

Thank you Sister! I will surely be on here as often as I possibly can be. You all are wonderful people!

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