Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

The Ugly side of losing weight ..I need help :(

Collapse
X
Collapse
 
  • Page of 1
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
Previous template Next
  • #1

    The Ugly side of losing weight ..I need help :(

    When you are overweight you pretty much get used to being ignored and not getting a lot of attention from the opposite sex, you are not happy about it but you learn to live with it.. it sucks because you still are a nice person, decent person. Who has the same qualities as others but people from the opposite sex disregarded you as soon as they saw you without giving you a chance, to show that you are a great person and worth getting to know.

    Then you lose weight and the opposite sex starts to notice you, ask you out and is very interested in being closed but now you are upset because you are still the same good, decent person you were before except half the size. So now you think would such person would have given you the time of the day had you still being overweight? probably not.. so you ignore their advances and pretty much get all pissed off and send them on their way, one after the other!

    Then you eat 4 slices of pizza! and you feel worst..I have fallen off my wagon and my mind is a mess..how do we learn to live with that? yes that was this morning and my next bite was atkins friendly and went to the gym but I fell none of the less, I am not really sure how to handle any of this, I won't be dating any time soon but I don't want to spend my life alone how do we move from this mind set w/out hurting this WOE and our chances at finding somebody great...Ideas?

    I am just so sad
    highest 230 ---- started atkins------current 175 lbs
    July 2009 ---------12/20/2009 ---------03/18/2010
    <------------------>

    I started atkins in late november but every other week just sort of fell off the wagon and was not working out..late december I started to really follow it and added the gym from november to december I only lost like 7 lbs not following it right..from december to march 18 I lost 50 lbs give or take depending what mood my scale is on lol.
    Tags: losing, side, ugly, weight
  • #2
    Re: The Ugly side of losing weight ..I need help

    Well, the "inner housework" of losing weight is the really really hard part.

    I don't have anything to offer ... except for the Dr. Phil adage ... we teach people how to treat us ...

    Did this person know you before?

    If not, why are you punishing him for how other people treated you?
    J.

    "Your life will never change until you change your choices."

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: The Ugly side of losing weight ..I need help

      Just remember - looks are only an initial attraction, it's who you are that keeps them there. For most of us who were very overweight, it's difficult to form an instant relationship with the opposite sex by pure physical attraction - an emotional connection must be made first. However, when you lose weight, the physical is the first to strike - and then the emotional comes.

      Don't get so down on people for not thinking twice about you before - it's human nature to be like that. Yes - ultimately you want somebody to accept you for who you are at any weight, but at the end of the day - is it really worth turning down opportunities to form an emotional connection?

      You'll be no better off then you were at your original weight. So get back out there and have FUN!!

      Mini Goals:
      Goal 1 - 10% (September 13th, 2009)
      Goal 2 - Pre-Pregnancy Weight with 2nd Child (September 27th, 2009)
      Goal 3 - 50 lbs down (December 1st, 2009)
      Goal 4 - Highest Pregnancy Weight with 1st right before c-section (February 20, 2010)
      Goal 5 - Lowest weight reached on WW after having 1st child
      Goal 6 - 100 lbs down
      Goal 7 - Pre-pregnancy weight with 1st
      Goal 8 - Weight I met my husband
      Goal 9 - 150 lbs down
      Goal 10 - Weight in Grade 8
      Goal 11 - Weight in Grade 6

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: The Ugly side of losing weight ..I need help

        its better not to waste your time on things like that.

        thinking i want this person, i need this person, i don't want to be alone, will i ever find someone? thinking these things is foolish and a complete waste of time

        put God first in your life and seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things shall be added on to you

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: The Ugly side of losing weight ..I need help

          Unfortunately that is human nature. Maybe if you were able to have a conversation with this person you could ask him the 10 million dollar question. I think it is best to just let go of that anger/frustration as it is going to hold you back. Get out there & have some fun!
          "You always had it. You always had the power."~~ Glinda the Good Witch

          Glenda
          F/5'10/47
          261/xxx/???
          "Happiness is a habit~cultivate it." Elbert Hubbard
          "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results." Albert Einstein

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: The Ugly side of losing weight ..I need help

            I can tell you... if he is the one, he would still be with you at your highest weight. Possible, Mr. Right just wasn't there when you were at your top weight, but now he is. I say this b/c DH married me when I was 416 pounds, we have been married 7 years.

            Weight is an issue, I will not lie. But it is by no means about beauty... it is about health. We have 2 daughters and he hates the thought of something happening to me at this weight. It is a true fact. God forbid, what if I had a car accident or anything and ended up in a wheelchair for life or just had to spend a couple of weeks in bed... He would never be able to take care of me. If I was a "normal" weight he would. He could move and pull on me to help me, but at this weight no way. Also other health concerns: I have a heart attack or a bad case of asthma at the beach. It is things like this he thinks about. Lastly, he knows I'm not fully happy at this weight.

            Although at your highest weight you were a good person and I'm sure you still are... it doesn't mean you were your best person. It also doesn't mean you were full of confidence for anyone to EVER notice you!!! I hope you understand what I mean. And also, I'm sure atleast your "walk" has improved since dropping 50 pounds!!! You will just naturally move better.

            It will take time, but there are still a few good men out there
            ~Amanda
            It is okay if it takes me a little longer to get there, besides this is where I'm going to stay forever and that is a really long time!!!



            F/ 5'8", Heights weight 417
            Started Atkins 12/18/08 @ 402lbs.
            Restart on 2/4/10 @ 337.8 lbs
            PLAN:
            Introduction (2/4-2/11)~ DONE
            OWL 1: (2/12-2/25)~ 5 carbs of veggies (done)
            OWL 2: (2/26-3/11)~ 5 carbs of dairy (done)
            OWL 3: (3/12-3/25)
            OWL 4: (3/26- til @ 185)

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: The Ugly side of losing weight ..I need help

              One thing to consider is not only has your appearance changed but I'm willing to bet your outward attitude has too. Being overweight makes it easy to send out the leave me the heck alone vibe even if you dont' mean to. It's easy to think everyone is avoiding you or thinking the worst about you when in reality it might be your attitude causing a lot of it or it's just in your mind.

              When you lose weight and start feeling better about yourself you start to project a more upbeat and welcoming attitude which will naturally draw in more people.

              A lot of rejection is created in our heads, the weight creates paranoia and we see it as real even though others may not be thinking anything negative towards us. Just make a decision from this point on you will only judge others that are interested in what they do from this time on. You won't blame them for your past or condemn them without giving them a chance. Afterall when you thought it that was happening to you, you didn't like it much did you?
              Atkins Start date: 01/18/2010--Now off plan for med reasons, still an Atkins lover!
              Female-37 yrs-4'11"
              HW-240/SW-169/CW-143.0/GW-125

              Mini Goals

              159---Hit 02/08/2010 Woohoo
              149---Hit 03/08/2010 YES!
              139
              129





              Highest weight till now



              Comment

              • #8
                Re: The Ugly side of losing weight ..I need help

                Thanks Everybody for your thoughts, I guess I should stop being judgmental..but I am not ready to date yet so I will make sure to express this when an interested man approaches me. Yes, I do trust God..I met the guy at church lol so that is not it. None of the gentleman interested met me in my previous state so you are right, I should not punish them for the deeds of others. Thanks everybody.
                highest 230 ---- started atkins------current 175 lbs
                July 2009 ---------12/20/2009 ---------03/18/2010
                <------------------>

                I started atkins in late november but every other week just sort of fell off the wagon and was not working out..late december I started to really follow it and added the gym from november to december I only lost like 7 lbs not following it right..from december to march 18 I lost 50 lbs give or take depending what mood my scale is on lol.

                Comment

                • #9
                  Re: The Ugly side of losing weight ..I need help

                  I think this sounds like a difficult time for you. You should stop being so hard on yourself.

                  Men are visually motivated. If you are used to being ignored, it can be quite unsettling to be noticed. If I were you, I would just try to the bigger person and give them a little leeway to see what happens.

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Re: The Ugly side of losing weight ..I need help

                    Ziggy's post reminded me of this facebook bumper sticker that I sent my niece:
                    "A woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man needs to seek Him in order to find her." I think it's beautiful!

                    Summerdressgirl I totally sympathize. It's like a rich person who want to be appreciated for themselves & not their money. I think gaining wait was a way for me to push guys away. Many guys have false intentions, although I'd hope you could trust a guy from church, lol.

                    Why are you not ready to date? I have a feeling that as you lose more weight the dating pool will be much bigger. Which gives you the moral dilemma of also not judging the person by their appearance. I'm saying it jokingly, but kind of ....yeah.
                    Michelle
                    48yr / 5'4"
                    5/24/09 start
                    228/178/145




                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Re: The Ugly side of losing weight ..I need help

                      Hmmmm, I'm struggling with this one .Coming from a guys perspective, I like to jokingly say "lose weight, get a date".

                      Obviously, you gotta lose weight for health reason but there is also an emotional component to weight loss. As in feeling better about yourself. I know many of us sabotage ourselves for a variety of reasons and remain overweight/obese for way too long. Hopefully this isn't your "reason".

                      Both guys & gals are initially attracted to members of the opposite sex based on looks. Why some folks prefer one type over another is anyones guess. However, most of us are attracted based on percieved "healthiness". As you lose your weight you will becoe more "attractive". Better learn to deal with it, sooner, rather than later, IMHO.

                      We have no way of knowing your your past life experiences, which definately play a role in how you feel. Personally, I think this may require therapy. Be it a counselor, psycologist or even a group. Any and/or all could be beneficial to you. Maybe you should look into it or face a life of self sabotage be it physical or emotional.

                      Best of luck to ya!
                      PBK - M/45/6'3"
                      You're not a failure until you quit trying.

                      Restarted Dr Atkins Diet January 2 2010.
                      Next mini goal is to get under 300 lbs. Done! 3/8/10
                      Next mini goal is to make it three months without alcohol. Started 1/1/10 Done!
                      Next mini weight goal is 289. Done! 4/4/10
                      Next mini goal is 278 -50 Lbs
                      Eventually, I'd like to join the century club.

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        Re: The Ugly side of losing weight ..I need help

                        This is very simple, would you date someone you are NOT attracted to? Even if it had nothing to do with weight? Probably not. Thats how it is. There is no mystery to this, we all like what we like, cant change that. Many are not attracted to heavy people, some dont like skinny people etc. Dont get hung up on this, its really not a big deal. Like another poster said sometimes it also has to do with your attitude, maybe you are more outgoing because you feel better about yourself. I actually think it should make you feel good that someone is paying attention to you.

                        Comment

                        Previous template Next
                        Working...
                        X