Please help

[spirittalker]

I went to my mother's last night to celebrate her birthday and I did extremely well. I wasn't even tempted by the ice cream. Yay for me right? Well I seem to be putting on weight despite my dedication to this WOE. Anyway, this one is for all you men out there. My DH has been doing this WOE with me. Sort of. He is not going by the book and he is veering further and further off course with each passing day. On Saturday it was alcohol and chips and dip. Last night it was chocolate cake. The problem is that I am starting to resent this. Not rreally resent the foods he is eating but rahter he is cheating and weak in spite of my encouragement. I like my man to be strong willed and I am starting to feel like he may just not be. Can any of you guys think of a way to challenge him or get him to get back on track without me nagging or pestering him. I would love to see him succeed almost as much as I want myself to. I don't want this to come between us but seriously it will affect the way I look at him if he cannot get control over himself.


God this sounds horrible and I feel like a terrible person for bringing it up but I truly need advise here. :no

[Laurenfra]

How about the sweet, I need you to help me talk. Your cheating on the WOE makes me want to cheat.Put it not like he is doing something bad but you are weak, you would never be able to cheat like him and still follow the plan, could you please help me.
Good Luck

[not2late]

you really need to talk to your husband about this because if he keeps cheating then he's adopting a high fat and high carbohydrate diet-----which is really bad for his health. High fat, high carb is the diet most of us got fat on and is most likely the cause for heart disease and diabetes.

[290wannabe150onAtkins]

Hello:
I think I can chime in on this one. My husband and I are on day six of induction. I am 290 lbs 9the heaviest I have ever been) and my husband is some where around (or in excess of) 350 lbs. He lost he father from a heart attack when he was ten. And he lost him mother from, renal failure, diabetes, CHF, and heart problems, among many others, when he was 20. Problems RUN in his family like no other family I have ever seen, and I work in healthcare. His mom was only 48 when she passed, and his aunt is next in line with lupus. And his sister close to follow. She has the same problems as her mother. Oh and did I mention we are both only 21. So you see why I want my husband to do well with this, because I dont want him to send himself to an early grave, they havent had a female in the family make it to 50 yet.
When we started induction, and all of the research that went with it, I know he knew what was on the line. His defense, "I have always been big, I wouldnt know how to be skinny." And he is big, his body frame is huge, standing at six foot three, he doesnt look 350ish, but he is, and I know that because he can't even be weighted on a regular standing scale. On the rare occasion that he does get on a scale. It has to be a wheelchair scale. Anyway, with in a few days of induction he started to complain and complain and complain. So much so, I told him if he wanted to eat that crap he better do it outside of the house, away from me. Then he brought home some Atkins bread, and yesturday he can home with a piece of jolly rancher candy in him mouth. I told him, seriously, that I didnt want to put him in an early grave, and that we HAD to do somthing. We can't change everything, but there are things we can change, and our bodies and health are certainly two of them. Ever since Pope John Paul II passed, I started looking at things in a different light. I wish it wouldnt have taken that, but for some of us that is what it does take. You NEED to sit him down and tell him how you really feel, I dont know if he is your husband or boyfriend, and it really doesnt matter. The point is, you care for him. You care for him enought to atleast get healthy. I asked my husband to give me a week and if he honestly didn't feel better he could stop, honestly I think he is doing a wonderful job, even given his slip ups. And let me tell you sometimes pestering and nagging is the only way to get things done (hahah) especially in a marrage. Anyway, I didn't mean to be so long winded, but maybe you can show him this post, maybe when he sees all of these medical problems that run in this family, that may make him wise up. For his sake, I truly hope he listens to someone, it may save his life.



Best Wishes:

Holly

[spirittalker]

I appreciate all the advise given so far. I was hoping some of our male atkineers could give some input on the male psyche that might help me to motivate him, because his health doen not appear to be a concern to him. I am starting to wonder if he only started to do this diet to get me to lose weight. urplequ:
So guys, how can I trigger his male pride or his macho streak to get him to really strive to make this WOE a priority in his life instead of booze and cake.

[Buddrfly]

Issue a challenge!

I know that I am not a man, but I say issue a challenge. A no cheat, clean induction, I bet I can lose more weight than you challenge. See if that helps. Most men hate for a woman to show them up at anything. :yes

[2big4mysize]

you can't make him and that is the simple turth and he will rsent you as much as you are resenting him right now.

In order to succeed on any weight loss plan the motivation has to come from with in,

He may already feel you are trying to control him and just as eating disorders are about control breaking a diet is about who is in control.

What you can do is just let it go. Sit down with him and expalian to him why this is imprtant for you to continue to do your Atkins so you can grow old with him. Explain how you need his support and help and need him to not cheat in front of you cause it makes you doubt your own control seeing him your rock not be able to control his eating. ASk him to only have Atkins acceptable foods in the house so you will not be tempted to cheat too.

Have y'all moved to OWL so he has more choices in his foods? he can make flax chips veggie chips from turnips rsadishes and jicama He can have Beer on rung 5.

Y'all needed to plan what you were going to have instead so he didn't feel deprived when the vcake was served. there are many many ways to enjoy a party and not cheat on your Atkins by using Atkins acceptable foods.

Happy low carbing.

[spirittalker]

I have suggested he move to OWL so that he can stop feeling "deprived". That is his excuse for all his cheats. "I am not going to feel deprived" I didn't feel deprived by not eating the cake. Nor do I feel deprived turning down any other foods. I feel in control of myself for the first time in years. I feel good knowing that there is no doubt in my mind that I do not want that cake. I wish he could understand that but you are right 2big, he does have to want it. I think that I will ask him to keep his cheat or non Induction legal food out of my sight so that not only do I not have the temptation but I won't see him doing it and therefore won't resent his attitude. Nor will he have to see me give him the eye when he pulls his hand out of the 5 lb jar of peanuts for the 15th time in a day. I truly love this board. I think if Dr A were here today he would write in his updated DANDR that for maximum success join ha

[not2late]

:hug

He has to really want to do this diet before he will be successful. The most you can do is be supportive of him and hope he will become serious about weight loss before it's too late.

[ttdriver]

He may already feel you are trying to control him and just as eating disorders are about control breaking a diet is about who is in control.

What you can do is just let it go. Sit down with him and expalian to him why this is imprtant for you to continue to do your Atkins so you can grow old with him. Explain how you need his support and help and need him to not cheat in front of you cause it makes you doubt your own control seeing him your rock not be able to control his eating. ASk him to only have Atkins acceptable foods in the house so you will not be tempted to cheat too.

I totally agree. My DH is doing the same thing right now and I AM TRYING SO HARD NOT TO SAY ANYTHING. We've been happily married for 27 years and he lost 25 pounds on Atkins back in 2002 and has now gained about half that back which pains me to see.

We are different in that he loves to snack and I don't. He's not into running and I am. I accept those differences and try to encourage him, but NEVER NAG HIM.

The other day, he, on his own, actually said 'yeah, I need to start working out and lose this gut.' I about fell over. So be patient, kind, supportive and keep up being the great example. He'll come around. But trust me, if you push him, he will resist.

Betty

[spazzyhilo]

You could also try doing this... instead of nagging or bugging him or whatever.. show by example! If you stick to Atkins you'll lose the weight, you'll be healthy, happy, and FANTABULOUS! Eventually He will see how great you are doing and how healthy you are, and he may very well decide on his own free will to make the change - without feeling like he was forced into it.

Until then, just love him.. and know that your more satisfied iwth your steak and sauteed mushrooms then He'll ever be with his mashed potatoes :nod

[Heather150]

You need to worry about you, let him worry about him.

I know its frustrating, but you don't need more pressure than you already have on this WOE. So keep on doing the great job, and let him do his thing. There is no way to "get" him to do it...he has to do it himself.