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1. Your houseplants are alive, and
you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry & divorce instead of hook up
& break up.
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@#
kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex
jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your
car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of
McDonald's leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You take naps from noon to 6 PM!
17. Dinner & a movie is the whole date instead of
the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM
would severely upset, rather than settle your stomach.
19. If you're a gal, you go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces,
"I'm never going to drink that much again.
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a
computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. You read this entire list looking desperately
for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't
find one to save your sorry old butt.
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