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I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's
permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take
an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and
down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the
class was over.
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Reporters interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the
best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No
peer pressure."
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The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.
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Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very
elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband? '98," she replied.
"Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She
responded, "Hardly worth going home is it?"
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I've sure gotten old. I've had 2 By-pass surgeries. A hip replacement, new
knees. Fought prostate cancer, and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear
anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't
remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But..... Thank God, I
still have my driver's license!
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A 97 year old man goes into his doctor's office and says, "Doc, I want my
sex drive lowered." "Sir", replied the doctor, "You're 97. Don't you think
your sex drive is all in your head?" "You're darned right it is!" replied
the old man. "That's why I want it lowered!"
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An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will and make her
final requests. She told her rabbi she had two final requests. First, she
wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over
Bloomingdales. "Bloomingdales?" the rabbi exclaimed. " Why Bloomingdales?"
"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."
permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take
an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and
down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the
class was over.
--------------------------------------------
Reporters interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the
best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No
peer pressure."
------------------------------------------
The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.
------------------------------------------
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very
elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband? '98," she replied.
"Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She
responded, "Hardly worth going home is it?"
----------------------------------------------
I've sure gotten old. I've had 2 By-pass surgeries. A hip replacement, new
knees. Fought prostate cancer, and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear
anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't
remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But..... Thank God, I
still have my driver's license!
----------------------------------------------
A 97 year old man goes into his doctor's office and says, "Doc, I want my
sex drive lowered." "Sir", replied the doctor, "You're 97. Don't you think
your sex drive is all in your head?" "You're darned right it is!" replied
the old man. "That's why I want it lowered!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------
An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will and make her
final requests. She told her rabbi she had two final requests. First, she
wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over
Bloomingdales. "Bloomingdales?" the rabbi exclaimed. " Why Bloomingdales?"
"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."
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