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There is no such thing as child-proofing your house.
If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
Baseballs make marks on ceilings.
You should not throw a baseball up when the ceiling fan is on.
A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
When you hear the toilet flush and the words Uh-oh, it's already too late.
Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak -- it explodes.
A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 200 sq foot house 4 inches deep.
Legos will pass through the digestive system of a 4-year old.
Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
Super Glue is forever.
McGuyver can teach us many things we don't want to know.
No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
Pool filters do not like jello.
VCR's do not eject sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
Marbles in the gas tank make a lot of noise when driving.
You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
The fire department in San Diego has at least a 5 minute response time.
The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
It will however make cats dizzy.
Cats can throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
Quiet does not necessarily mean don't worry.
A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life (unfortunately, mostly in retrospect).
If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
Baseballs make marks on ceilings.
You should not throw a baseball up when the ceiling fan is on.
A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
When you hear the toilet flush and the words Uh-oh, it's already too late.
Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak -- it explodes.
A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 200 sq foot house 4 inches deep.
Legos will pass through the digestive system of a 4-year old.
Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
Super Glue is forever.
McGuyver can teach us many things we don't want to know.
No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
Pool filters do not like jello.
VCR's do not eject sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
Marbles in the gas tank make a lot of noise when driving.
You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
The fire department in San Diego has at least a 5 minute response time.
The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
It will however make cats dizzy.
Cats can throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
Quiet does not necessarily mean don't worry.
A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life (unfortunately, mostly in retrospect).
278/275/271/160
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