Question on daughter homecoming

[psigna]

Well, Homecoming dance is in 2 weeks. My daughter is in the 9th grade and will be 15 on December 31st.

She has a boyfriend this year, a very nice young man, who has been her boyfriend since last december. Very good family. He has only held her hand. No kissing.

My DD wants her dad and I to let JJ (Boyfriend) pick her up for the dance and bring her home from the dance.

What would you do? We have allowed her to go to his house with his parents home, and vice versa. We have allowed them to go to the movies, like on Satyrday afternoon, with one of the parents dropping them off and picking them up. He can drive.

My daughter is a good girl, and has never given me a reason not to trust, but 14, well, 14 3/4 as she puts it, seems a little young, like it would be a real date. I don't quite know what to do. I dont' want to be overbearing, but not too lenient either.

[cleochatra]

Re: Question on daughter homecoming

Nooooo nooooooo nnoononononooooooooooooooooooo!

Don't let them go alone. The kids these days are all about hormones and peer pressure and doing the bumpybumpy.

I don't care how sweet those kids seem. You'll be the sweetest grandma of the sweetest little grandbaby in .75 of a year.

But no pressure on the me worrying thing.

[Barbde]

Re: Question on daughter homecoming

Well, how old is JJ? How long has he been driving? How far away is the dance? It doesn't take a car to make ya a Grandma! What do JJs parents think? You have to go with what you feel in your heart is right. I did let my almost 15yr old ride in cars with specific people that I knew. But that is me and my child. Doesn't make it right for you and yours necessarily. Good luck, the fun is just beginning!!!

[cleochatra]

Re: Question on daughter homecoming

It doesn't take a car to make ya a Grandma!

True. My dad said it had to do with holding hands on a bridge.

[psigna]

Re: Question on daughter homecoming

I have not called his mom yet, but I might do that. He has been driving for a year, had his license since spring.

THe dance is at the school, about 3 miles away. He will be 16 in November.

I am leaning towards yes on the picking up part, but with me picking her up after the dance. I will still have to convince her dad of this though.

[Sheshy]

Re: Question on daughter homecoming

If it were me, I'd agree to the dance but I'd be the chauffer.

If he's not 16 yet, he probably hasn't had very much driving experience and stats show that a large majority of accidents occur within miles of home.

[psigna]

Re: Question on daughter homecoming

Oh, We are letting her go to the dance. It is a school function, and they all go, Even 7th and 8th grade, but they have a separate dance for them.

[not2late]

Re: Question on daughter homecoming

The thing I would be most worried about is the driving. I don't know your child nor her boyfriend but teen drinking and drug use has remained constant throughout the years. Granted they might not drink and drive, but that doesn't mean some other kid won't drink and drive.

[Barbde]

Re: Question on daughter homecoming

Yeah, I agree. It's hard to let them go out on their own. And yup, you worry about everything! But you also don't want to punish your child for the actions that others may or may not have. Best to start giving some rope, and see how it is handled. If they hang themselves, then oh well. They blew it. If not, then the trust is built both ways. Just my opinion.

[Brook]

Re: Question on daughter homecoming

My oldest is almost 14, and I have to say I'm with Barb on this one.

If he's only 15, can't he only drive with a parent anyway??

[not2late]

Re: Question on daughter homecoming

If he's only 15, can't he only drive with a parent anyway??

The law varies state to state. Around here, drivers under the age of 18 are prohibited from driving other minors unless they are direct family members or accompanied by an adult.

[DebbieY]

Re: Question on daughter homecoming

I would have said said that I would have let her go with him to the dance and allowed him to take her home. BUT since he's not 16 yet, I don't think he should be driving.

I rebelled when I was 13/14 and did a whole lot of things that my parents had and still have no clue about. I believe I rebelled due to how strict they were and the lack of trust they had in me.

You said she was a good girl. That's why if her boyfriend was over 16 and could legally drive without an adult, then I would have to offer my opinion that he could drive. Although I would still have a curfew of a couple minutes after the dance or something like that. Or even if she had a girl friend or something like that that went together with them.

But then again, this is easy for me to say. My daughter is only 4 right now, I haven't actually been forced to see if I would think the same way once she got to that age.

- Debbie

[psigna]

Re: Question on daughter homecoming

Well, he has his license, and in our state he can drive after 7AM and before Midnight, I think is how it goes. On Nov 4th or 11th, can't remember which, he will be 16 and the restrictions fall off.

Since I posted this though, HIS mom told him that he could not pick her up, so she saved us from having to make the decision. I just love her!!!!!!

[womanpraised]

Re: Question on daughter homecoming

WHOOOO HOOOOO FOR HIS MOM! I was about to weigh in and say, maybe he could drive, and you could follow, at a distance? Trust is earned, and to me, must be PROVEN to be earned... and kids will be kids... even good ones.

[Barbde]

Re: Question on daughter homecoming

YESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!! I love when things happen like that!! Woohoo!!