What are your funny stories.

[Ben G]

Ok, here's mine, most will prolly think its not funny but to me and my friend its hilarious.

One night on the way home somewhat late at night (between 12 and 1 maybe) i was driving and my friend was in the passenger seat and we were talking about stuff. Well my friend was tired and he was leaning his head on the window with his eyes closed, but he was still talking coherently. And while he was doing that i was saying to him, "Hey tony, this is awesome something might be coming up with a gui------AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH H HHHHHHHH" (it was seriously a long loud scream). Then at that moment he snapped his head from the window straight ahead and goes "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH." LOL i'm laughing just thinking of this (replaying it in my mind). All this happened because a deer jumped out in front of us and i think we almost hit it. And then he said to me "Geez Benno, thanks alot, i think you made me give myself whiplash!" And he said "I didn't even know whati was screaming about, i was only screaming because you screamed so loud and it scared me!" Then we were laughing about it for like 5 minutes....and we didn't even know why we were laughing because at the time it was kinda freaky (but yet funny). Ah yes, that was fun.

[cleochatra]

Re: What are your funny stories.

You just want one funny story?

OK. I can oblige. But it might not be that funny.

I volunteer a lot at the school. It's something I do. It gets me out of the house, helps me keep an eye on my kids sometimes, and it gets me 'in' with the teacher so that when my son walks face-first into a wall, they laugh it off as one of his Karemer-esque qualities rather than attempting to have the child institutionalized for his inability to walk and chew gum at the same time.

One day as I exited the school towards the parking lot pushing my toddler in the stroller, I saw two young moms working their way across the parking lot. Have you ever tried to look cool to the other, younger, moms? It is usually a bad thing to attempt, especially if you're not a trained professional.

I smiled and said "hello", looking like I had it all together. That's me. Real smooth cleo. Make the small talk. Flip the hair back, smilingly. It's a recipe for very suave. Or just impending social dooml .

Somewhere in my dazzling display of motherly togetherness, I had deposited the baby into the carseat and had, presently, caused the stroller, itself, to collapse shut on my foot as I tried to close the mechanism. Bear trap of humity, meet cleo's foot. Hello foot. How about if we stick it in your ear? It might add to the class you're exuding right at this very moment.

I was able to pose for the moment as though I meant for my foot to be right where it was at that very moment, like Candide's Pangloss. All was right in my world and my foot was right where I wanted it. I couldn't move, trapped in the jaws of a Cosco stroller. Luckily, I was hanging onto the stroller so that I wouldn't fall down, and was able to leverage the moment with a quick, "watch the copy machine-- it's feisty this morning". A nod and a smile, and the young ladies disappear from view.

It's a funny thing about strollers. They seem to know when they should implode into their smallest form, and it's right when it is least convenient. They're like small children in church. Or being around the dog after it's eaten something it just didn't digest well, and everyone smiles politely at you out of pity. They're also secretly snickering because in the huge turning wheel of kharma, it's your turn to look like the dummyhead today.

Well, Kharma? Meet mother of son who walks into walls.

And stop trying to look cool. The stroller called your bluff.

[cleochatra]

Re: What are your funny stories.

My husband and I used to carpool everyday to college with my husband's cousin. It was a long drive out from the back 40 all the way to civilization, usually spent with him bouncing his knee the whole time and my resulting car sickness while he regaled us with stories about his mother and how she never plugged anythiong in and then wondered why it wouldn't start. We usually packed up the Toyota Corolla (affectionately known as Maynard the Insipid) and we drove the same route every morning.

On one particularly windy day when the trees were lately known for uprooting and aiming at moving objects which were smaller than they appeared in even my rear view mirror, he yells "DUCK!"

Hells bells! Here we go. Who cared that I had Geico? I knew my car was going to be crushed under the weight of an ancient alder tree, and I'd be mangled in a bloody wreck with a guy who wore his lettermen jacket to college and who thought his reproductives were going to fall off in embarrassing social situations.

Instinctively, we all dove for the floor (as best as one can in a 2-door coupe) and we felt the small thwa-thump, as the car bumped over something.

It was then I looked up and noticed cousin chuckling.

The rest of the drive we spent with the queasy knee jiggle and the prodding laughter as cousin cajoles us with our running over the duck and hitting the floor boards as a response.

Now you know why things like slipping urinary tract infection pills in his beverages made for vengeful, yet lively, moments.

[dreamof145]

Re: What are your funny stories.

When we lived in Germany, my husband was called one afternoon to go to Stuttgart to help a fellow soldier out whose car had broken down. My husband was known as the bug-man cause he could fix anything on a volkswagen. The guy's VW had died on him and couldn't get it started. I decided to go along. The car was broken down along a stretch of road that wasn't near any stores, facilities or anything. I sat in the car reading while they worked on the VW. I had to go potty - so I decided to go deep into the woods. I walked forever until I knew I was so far in the deep of the woods that nobody could ever find me. Just as I was relieving myself, a forest meister (little forest person who wears green clothes, hats and shoes) came strolling by out of nowhere. He nodded and said "Guten morgen," and went on his way as tho he always sees people that deep in the woods peeing. I was so humiliated.

[Ben G]

Re: What are your funny stories.

haha thats good stuff "DUCK!!" haha

Mine are always short lol. Well, anyway, I was a little kid and was in my grandparents RV with them and i had just made a poopy and i stood up and looked at it and then looked at my grandma and said "LOOK GRANDMA!...CHOCOLATE" and started reaching in for it and before i could my grandma was like "NO thats not chocolate dont eat that!" and then she took me away from the toilet lol

[Ben G]

Re: What are your funny stories.

oh man dream, thats great! haha i mean, especially the fact he didn't SAY anything lol.

[Moochiecat]

Re: What are your funny stories.

This is a story that when a person reads it, or is told it, doesn't have anywhere near the effect that it had on bf and myself when it happened...but here goes.

We were headed over to friends for a Christmas get-together and bf put the wine bottle into the wine bag we had purchased earlier on in the day. I see him standing there staring at it intently and he turns to me and says "What are these for?" and he's completely confused...hasn't a clue what he's looking at.
Picture a regular bottle bag that you buy, and think how the cord handle is tied on, with knots on the inside, right? Well, he's pulled the knotted ends up from the inside of the bag and he's holding them in his fist, with all four knots on the top. For some reason, this is just not making sense to him.
So, I walk over, gently open his hand, loop my fingers through the actual handles (that have been pulled tight to the bag because he's pulled the insides taut, and I slowly puuuuuuuull the handles out to their correct position.
He looks at it as though I've performed a miracle, and I burst out laughing...so did he...we stood there and laughed so hard that we had to hang onto each other to keep from falling over. We laughed till we wept and I got the hiccups. I have absolutely no idea why this was so funny to us, but it was.

You totally had to be there, and it's funnier if I can demonstrate what happened, but you know..it was just one of those things that made us howl. Just that moment when I pulled the handles out and the look on his face..omg.

[dreamof145]

Re: What are your funny stories.

I've always been a Klutz. Several years ago, my husband had to work on Christmas day (military). He wanted me and our two daughters to meet him at the mess hall for Christmas dinner. It was snowing and the ground was slushy and wet. My daughters and I got dressed up. We were walking to the mess hall, my husband was waiting in the doorway for us. Instead of going on the sidewalk, I decided to cut across the yard and take the shortcut.

I slipped in a muddy spot, started falling, jumped forward and went head-first down a hill. I ripped my nylons and was covered in mud. My husband ran over to me, but it was too late. My daughters were laughing hysterically and it was all my husband could do to keep his composure. I cried, but later laughed too. It was so embarrassing and funny.

[Bugaboo]

Re: What are your funny stories.

You guys have got me laughing this morning!!!! Even though this was embarassing it's been so long that I've decided to file it under funny. The first time I went to my husband's parents house he and I were sitting at the kitchen table. He said something sarcastic and I made a "hmph" noise. When I did that a big ol booger shot out of my nose and landed on the pristine table for the whole world to see. My ever helpful husband said "Whatcha launching there honey?" I. Wanted. To. Disappear.