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I'm not sure if this is true, but its funny none the less.
Enjoy -
Rich
-------------------------
Shown below is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by a 96-year-old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.
Dear Sir:
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which
I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations,
three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting
the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed
to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly
deposit of my entire income, an arrangement which, I admit,
has been in place for only eight years.
You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of
opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way
of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.
My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this
incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.
I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone
calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted
by the impersonal, overcharging, prerecorded, faceless entity
which your bank has become.
From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood
person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and
hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by
check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at
your bank whom you must nominate.
Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any
other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached
an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen
employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but
in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank
knows about me, there is no alternative.
Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must
be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details
of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and
liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.
In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number
which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it
cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it
on the number of button presses required of me to access my
account balance on your phone bank service.
As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Let
me level the playing field even further. When you call me,
press the buttons as follows:
1. To make an appointment to see me.
2. To query a missing payment.
3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I
am there.
4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am
sleeping.
5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am
attending to nature.
6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am
not at home.
7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to
access my computer is required. Password will be
communicated to you at a later date to the
Authorized Contact.
8. To return to the main menu and to listen to
options 1 through 7.
9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact
will then be put on hold, pending the attention of
my automated answering service. While this may,
on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music
will play for the duration of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also
levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this
new arrangement.
May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous
New Year.
Your Humble Client
Enjoy -
Rich
-------------------------
Shown below is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by a 96-year-old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.
Dear Sir:
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which
I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations,
three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting
the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed
to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly
deposit of my entire income, an arrangement which, I admit,
has been in place for only eight years.
You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of
opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way
of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.
My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this
incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.
I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone
calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted
by the impersonal, overcharging, prerecorded, faceless entity
which your bank has become.
From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood
person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and
hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by
check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at
your bank whom you must nominate.
Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any
other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached
an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen
employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but
in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank
knows about me, there is no alternative.
Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must
be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details
of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and
liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.
In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number
which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it
cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it
on the number of button presses required of me to access my
account balance on your phone bank service.
As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Let
me level the playing field even further. When you call me,
press the buttons as follows:
1. To make an appointment to see me.
2. To query a missing payment.
3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I
am there.
4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am
sleeping.
5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am
attending to nature.
6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am
not at home.
7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to
access my computer is required. Password will be
communicated to you at a later date to the
Authorized Contact.
8. To return to the main menu and to listen to
options 1 through 7.
9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact
will then be put on hold, pending the attention of
my automated answering service. While this may,
on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music
will play for the duration of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also
levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this
new arrangement.
May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous
New Year.
Your Humble Client
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