First year alone on Christmas

[speedygt03]

Re: First year alone on Christmas

Thanks everyone so all your kind words! ((((HUG))))

No its not the boyfriend who they dont like. They actually love him, we've been together for 3 1\2 years and they have invited him places and not me. I know what you mean though.....my friend has a family like that.

I havent said this to anyone else but you guys. I know for alot of people its hard to even think that there can be families out there like that. But its true!

(Without sounding stuck-up)....my family is wealthy. They shove there noses are far up in the air as possible. They show off there material things, act like there sh*& dont stink, etc. Which they can do all they please, and my brother and sister are the same way. I'm the only different one in the family. I'd rather have a "REAL" family than all the boats, cars, huge houses and things like that. I'm a down to earth person who just wants respect, love and appreciation. So by be gaining so much weight, they look at me like im below them (I, myself, know that im above them for this same reason).

It's not so much that I will miss being around them on Christmas. The thing that bothers me is picturing all of THEM together, sitting around laughing and having a good time like thats the entire family....and I dont exist.

Its taken me a long, long time to realize that this is the way things have always been and the way things will continue to be. But in this process, it has made my relationship with my boyfriend so wonderful. Because we both came from families like this and we put forth that extra effort to work things out, communicate and stear as far away from that type of life as possible. All I ever wanted from them is love and support. Not a new car and the best clothes. And I always thought any parent would be suprised and happy to have a child like that. But i'm glad i didnt become one of them. Theres no way i'd be able to live with myself.

Sorry about the book, lol!

Thanks again everyone, you REALLY make me feel so much better about myself, I cant thank you all enough!!!

*Krystle

[Lady_Hawke]

Re: First year alone on Christmas

Its your family that is going to be missing out on the pleasure of your and your boyfriends company. Not the other way around.
If they can't accept you for the wonderful person that you are, they don't deserve to be around you!
Have a beautiful and special christmas with your boyfriend.

[Sheshy]

Re: First year alone on Christmas

That's heartbreaking, I'm sorry you have to hear that from your own family. But, I'm so glad you have a loving DB!

And I agree with the others, start your own traditions and enjoy the holiday in your own way!

They are the ones that are missing out!

[shirleyhon]

Re: First year alone on Christmas

With or without money, the challenge will be on. It is about dignity to be proud. This doesnt mean that you will please everyone. That is the point of self esteem to deserve the life you want.

[cruiser gal]

Re: First year alone on Christmas

Speedy, your family sounds like my husband's family! We just don't put up with the crap that they dish out. DH had a long talk with his parents, and read the riot act to them, saying if they continue to act the way they do, they will not be seeing us around, and we stick by it! The saying goes, you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family! How true that is. So while it is hurtful to have family that is insensitive to your feelings, you do have a bf and maybe some friends that you can start new traditions with. These will be meaningful, and you get to chose who you want to spend time with!

[sallyseachange]

Re: First year alone on Christmas

Why is it that when the holiday season rolls around, families always show their worst colours? All the biggest feuds and quarrels seem to happen around festivities. What you tell us reallly sucks. Yes... make new traditions for yourself and your bf and have your own special good time.
Hugs and Merry Christmas to you!
Sal

[2big4mysize]

Re: First year alone on Christmas

so what wonderful hoilkday traditons you and BF can grow old together doing have y'all planned for this weekend?

[BoxerMom]

Re: First year alone on Christmas

Hi Speedy-

Just checking to see how things are going. Have you heard the saying "money doesn't buy happiness"? Your family might not be as happy as they want people to think they are. Maybe they are uncomfortable with someone who is honest and true to their feelings. Their meanness might be away to cover up their own insecurities.

Stay strong.

Val

[MsChrissy]

Re: First year alone on Christmas

Hi Speedy, hope you are having a good day with your boyfriend. Just wanted to pop by and let you know I'm thinking of you today!!!

Big Hug's, Chrissy

[sadie@136]

Re: First year alone on Christmas

Lets look at a bit brighter side
atleast your BF is with u and it s all that matters!
you can think you have a real person who loves you for what u are,so as we do!
hugs sweetie!

[Piasabird]

Re: First year alone on Christmas

That just sucks!

My family turned against me for years because I was dating someone outside of our race. At the time, I had always believed that blood was thicker than water. What a goof I was!

I know that rejection really hurts. I'm sorry that you're having to deal with it at all, but especially at this time of year. Here's wishing you and your bf a very Merry Christmas and a prosperous New Year!

[cmcole]

Re: First year alone on Christmas

It's late for this one - but think about it for the future. We couldn't do it this year, because I've been training with the Reserves ( from the 17th up to yesterday, and beginning again on the 28th), so this is our only time ALONE together for the entire Christmas break.

Anyway, previous years, we've volunteered to have a student or two from the local University over for Christmas Dinner (or Thanksgiving, Easter, etc.) because they are far from home (most of the ones we've had are International students from China, Africa, etc.) and alone. So, it gives them a break and some companionship they wouldn't get by staring at the four walls of their dorm room.

Other suggestions, anyone? We've had to make our own family traditions, as we were never made to feel really a part of the whole family atmosphere, despite our best efforts. Since my father's death in 1998, my sister hasn't spoken to me. This year, for the first time since then, we got a Christmas card from her (didn't have anything more than here signature, but at least it's something).

Even if your only new tradition is to seek out a local park/trail, etc., and go for an afternoon walk with your BF, it's something that you two can build on, and look forward to doing together.

[Ebonyspice]

Re: First year alone on Christmas

Are you kidding me you are gorgeous . what a shallow thing for your family to say . This attitude is not what christmas is about .

*huggin ya*
luv Ebony

[MsChrissy]

Re: First year alone on Christmas

~~~*** Merry Christmas***~~~ Speedy!!!! Hoping your day is filled with love and laughter!!!!

Enjoy your day no matter how it is spent!

[angelsfort]

Re: First year alone on Christmas

OH WOW! I wish I had seen this thread sooner!! I really think you should have gotten on an airplane (you and your boyfriend both) and gone to your family ANYWAY! Show the family members that may not be as "uppity" as the immediate family that you are a strong woman and you love who you are. In fact, if you show the immediate family also, it couldn't hurt!

I think that the person that said that maybe your family isn't as happy as they want the outside world to think... was probably hitting the nail right on the head! Money can't buy you happiness... it really can't. A few of my relatives are "well off" and they are the most miserable bunch I know. Oh sure, they pretend to be happy when the family is around but you can see it in their eyes that they are just faking it. (and the way they interact with each other is funny... almost like they are doing a play and they haven't studied their lines)

Perhaps you should talk to your family and explain to them how they are making you feel... get them in a place where they can't walk out while you are talking... maybe on a car ride somewhere... and REALLY force them to hear you. I think that because they don't see you face to face, it's easier for them to just pretend that what they are doing isn't hurtful. But if they can see that they really are hurting you with their actions, maybe they will do better in the future. (and don't do it accusingly - don't say things like "YOU always do this" or "when YOU say blah blah blah" you have to just put it on you... "It hurts me when I hear blah blah blah" and "I love my family and it hurts me when I feel unwelcome during the holidays" etc.)

Just my two cents worth. (okay, maybe that was a little MORE than two cents worth... but hey, this really got to me!!)

Dianna