Heartbreak anyone?

[slimndown]

The last thing I want to do is start a depressing topic but I have to ask since this is my first time actually going through this.

Have any of you ever been in love with someone who wasn't good for you? Downright destructive? A convincing pretender?

If so, did you leave? Did you ever heal from it and how did you? How long did it take? What have you felt when you have seen the person as time went on? Did you ever actually stop loving them?

[Ms Blue]

Re: Heartbreak anyone?

Hello my dear, yes yes yes, I was in an addictive relationship about 12 years ago. When it was good is was blissful, when it was bad it was the absolute worst. Yes I did leave. I actually had to move away to get away. I think about him from time to time, but in retrospect it was the best move ever. I have progressed so far beyond him. My life, for all it's little bumps (including loneliness from time to time) is SO much better for not having him in my life. Your self esteem, your ability to trust people, your power to love...all of that is sooo worth getting away from someone who will eventually suck the life and marrow from your bones and leave you a shell of a person. I KNOW how much it hurts, but for me, now, it was the best choice I EVER made.

[womanpraised]

Re: Heartbreak anyone?

I was in a destructive marriage, with kids. He left, and that was probably more devastating than if I had opened my eyes and left him. (The whole pride thing.) Healing has been slow... because of faith issues, and the depth of feelings involved, but it has come, and continues. I have whined to a great extent in my journal. I still do love him, though at times the thought of it repulses me. Ihave an innate ability to block out the bad, and focus on what could be, if he were ever "healed" from his issues, and that makes it worse. I have to actively remember at times, what really happened, force myself to look at the details and what he did to me and brought into our marriage, and choses to do now, so I dont retreat into my rose colored fantasy world, where I am happy ever after.

I am not still in love with him, though. The idea of a marriage to him again, or even living in the same state, leaves me feeling shaky. I actually feel sorry for the woman he is involved with now, and the child she is carrying... I wish there was a way to warn her that she would listen to, like the one before me tried to warn me.

It took almost 5 years now, and I still wrestle with issues, but maybe it is more of a wishing for what could have been, loving what he said he was. It was worse for me because I married for life, with every ounce of my being committed to that, and he was such a good pretender, I had no clue what was going on under my nose, and it was four years after he left before I even found out about the double life. I prayed for reconciliation and "stood for my marriage" for four and a half years after he left, so I have really only started to give up on it and move on.

It gets better with time. It leaves me gun shy, to even think about picking up and trying again, but even that feeling is easing. It was hard, is hard, and will probably be hard, but I am worth it, worth living alone, if the alternative is living with someone like my ex.

I hope you find healing, and renewal. The strength on the other side is amazing.

[Eleonore]

Re: Heartbreak anyone?

Have any of you ever been in love with someone who wasn't good for you? Downright destructive? A convincing pretender?


If so, did you leave? Did you ever heal from it and how did you? How long did it take? What have you felt when you have seen the person as time went on? Did you ever actually stop loving them?

All that and worse, I changed a part of my body cause a bf told me he didnt like it the way it was. He started dating another girl while I was home recovering.
When he left, I thought I was going to die, I had a major nervous breakdown, I had to stop working. I lost kilo after kilo, I lost lots of hair. ( Ive always been pround of my long dark hair) There were days I couldnt go out of bed. Every morning was more pain to me. I carried a bottle of gin all the time and I had several suicidal attempts.
It took me 5 years to more or less try to have a normal life.
I can tell you...IT IS NOT WORTH IT. Leave him.

Im going to PM you.



Ele

[jsj0305]

Re: Heartbreak anyone?

I wish that I had something great to say like these othe ladies, but I don't know what to say. I just want to give you the biggest ((((((((((((((((((((((HUG))))))))))))))))))))))) ever and know that you are in my thoughts and prayers and I hope that you one day find the peace and love that you so deserve to have.

It's so hard to answer that question for me, because how does one know that they are in that relationship? I guess it's when they can ask that question.

Please know that I am here for you if you even need to talk to, cry to, vent to, anything. I am here. ((((((((((((((another hug)))))))))))))) Stay Strong and Keep your head up.

[killerbombshell]

Re: Heartbreak anyone?

Wow I can't believe how well timed this thread is. I just broke up with my boyfriend of almost two years on Tuesday. It was a very complicated situation; he was originally from Florida when I first met him, and ended up going to school in New York. I got to a place in my life where I couldn't deal with a long distance relationship anymore and I asked him to transfer to my school (we have a better program for what he's studying and he'd only been there 3 months, he would save a lot of money, and has many friends here) but he refused and it was obvious that we weren't going in the same direction.

I just really wanted to know that I wasn't going to wake up at 30 and still be in the same sort of quasi-adolescent relationship that we had been in for so long. He wasn't about to commit or tell me if he saw me in his future or when we were going to intersect. We definetely love each other, but just have to pull apart and find ourselves. This has been the hardest breakup I've ever gone through because I'm not angry--just sad and remorseful.

Sigh. ANYWAY, back to our normally Atkins scheduled programming.

[slimndown]

Re: Heartbreak anyone?

Thank you for your responses. I really identify quite a bit with Womanpraised. I married my soon to be XDH when we were both young, so I'm the first to experience his double life. I am a very smart girl and am very frustrated with myself for being such a fool for this guy who is obviously a jerk. I think it is mostly because he actually WASN'T a jerk when I married him and even a few years into our marriage until he made a friend who lived on the wild side and that's when XDH started to do the same - but hiding it. For the last few years it has been cat and mouse. The more I would catch him hiding things - just small things - the better he became at it and the worse they got. Finally I had enough and made him move. It's so hard because I still love who he used to be and at times he seems like he still is that person but just lost somewhere. On the other hand, I think that maybe he just pretends to be that person just to toy with me as he has developed quite an ego that seems to depend so much on my being proved to be less intelligent than he is. I know it bruises that ego every time I catch him playing games with me. I just hate the fact that my heart can feel such warm fuzzy feelings for someone who may have never genuinely been who I thought he was and who he pretended to be. I have more than enough proof that he is a creep at best but apprently not enough to stop feeling the way I do. I keep thinking that time will heal it but every time I see him and he pretends to be the nice guy I automatically want to start fooling myself that he really is a good guy - just confused. I wished I could stop seeing him BUT I have to every time we have to share the kid. I keep hoping that eventually this feeling will go away.