Marriage: Better in the Beginning or as the Relationship Matures?

[kkat55]

Marriage: Better in the Beginning or as the Relationship Matures?

During the first year of our marriage it was rough because I had a lot of baggage from my prior one and had fears (even though I felt peaceful about it).

The longer we are married, the more secure I feel in this relationship and it seems to get better and better.

I've heard comments that the first year of marriage is the worst...(getting accustomed to each other).

What do you think?

[jcapulet]

Re: Marriage: Better in the Beginning or as the Relationship Matures?

I agree the first year is the worst. I had lived alone for some 6 or 7 years, then suddenly I had a roommate! The first year you really learn alot about how to live together, and compromising on differences.

[dreamof145]

Re: Marriage: Better in the Beginning or as the Relationship Matures?

The day I married my husband, they interrupted our ceremony and told him immediately after the wedding...he was to go on a last minute manuever for 2 weeks. So spent my first two weeks alone. He was gone almost all the time the first 5 years. I figured it out and he was home a total of 18 months. lolol

I'd have to say that the relationship had to mature and that we had to learn to understand each other as the years went by. I can honestly say now that there were many times in the past when I would have liked to walk into the sunset and not return. I believe it is what you put into it that gives you multiples back. I started getting so much more out of my marriage when I became satisfied with myself and my life. I look back and say...yes there were rough times, but It wasn't him. It was us. The rough times helped us to grow, trust and love each other. I'm happier now than I was when I was younger. Its been 30 years and I'd do it again if I had to.

[jcapulet]

Re: Marriage: Better in the Beginning or as the Relationship Matures?

The day I married my husband, they interrupted our ceremony and told him immediately after the wedding...he was to go on a last minute manuever for 2 weeks. So spent my first two weeks alone. He was gone almost all the time the first 5 years. I figured it out and he was home a total of 18 months. lolol

A last minute manuever? What's does he do for a living? (sorry I'm nosy )

[dreamof145]

Re: Marriage: Better in the Beginning or as the Relationship Matures?

LOLOL, thats okay. He was military when I married him. At that time he was infantry, and with a unit that loved to deploy. He's now a truck driver. When I first started to lose weight, he was gone 1-3 months at a time doing 48 states and Canada. Now he has a specific route and is home every couple days.

[TammyJo348]

Re: Marriage: Better in the Beginning or as the Relationship Matures?

I was so much in love with my husband that I didn't think I would ever be able to love him more, but the more time goes on and the more we "get used" to each other and have our moments, the better it seems to be. I wouldn't say that we had a BAD first year, but we had our rough spots that just had to smoothe over. I had never had a boyfriend before Richard, we met long distance, were engaged and married within 9 months of meeting! It was difficult for me to adjust to having someone else in my life, but he definitely made it easier. I would say it's all because of learning HOW to communicate with each other and how to deal with each other's little quirks that makes things easier for us to get along.

[ttdriver]

Re: Marriage: Better in the Beginning or as the Relationship Matures?

I sorta liken it to a photograph ..

In the beginning, you have a small picture in your hand .. as the years go by, the image expands into a beautiful panoramic view of life shared together ...

All 29 years with my hubby have been the very best. Ups, downs, and everything in between.

Betty

[jcapulet]

Re: Marriage: Better in the Beginning or as the Relationship Matures?

LOLOL, thats okay. He was military when I married him. At that time he was infantry, and with a unit that loved to deploy. He's now a truck driver. When I first started to lose weight, he was gone 1-3 months at a time doing 48 states and Canada. Now he has a specific route and is home every couple days.

Ah I see. Gosh that's kinda rude they had to interrupt your wedding day!

My Dad was in the military when I was growing up...we got to live overseas in Germany, that was nice....I miss it there. Ironically, I'm married to someone who's half German hee heeee

[dreamof145]

Re: Marriage: Better in the Beginning or as the Relationship Matures?

Yes, living overseas is one of the GOOD things about being married to a miliary person. I've lived in Europe for 7 1/2 years, Hawaii for 3 1/2 years and throughout the United States. I've also had the opportunity to visit many other countries too. I wish I'd started my weight loss venture back then cause I think I would have gotten so much more out of the experiences I had and the people I met.

[jcapulet]

Re: Marriage: Better in the Beginning or as the Relationship Matures?

Yes, living overseas is one of the GOOD things about being married to a miliary person. I've lived in Europe for 7 1/2 years, Hawaii for 3 1/2 years and throughout the United States. I've also had the opportunity to visit many other countries too. I wish I'd started my weight loss venture back then cause I think I would have gotten so much more out of the experiences I had and the people I met.

Wow, you got to live in Hawaii?!! Lucky gal!

We visited France, Switzerland, Luxembourg and Austria (briefly). My favorite was Interlaken, Switzerland...a true paradise of waterfalls everywhere!!

[ladyinred]

Re: Marriage: Better in the Beginning or as the Relationship Matures?

Our first year wasn't terrible as we'd lived together for a while and we'd also discussed absolutely everything for 2 years before he asked me to marry him (i.e. how many kids, if any, how would we raise them, which religion - we had different religions at the time, etc. etc.) It was more difficult then than it is now though. You never really know a person, but as the years go by you get to know them more and more and there is more trust and more comfort. Has anyone heard this Carly Simon song? It's one of my favourites and kind of epitomizes how I feel about it.

Take a look around now
Change the direction
Adjust the tuning
Try a new translation
Don't look at your man in the same old way
Take a new picture
Just because you don't see shooting stars
Doesn't mean it isn't perfect
Can't you see

It's the stuff that dreams are made of
It's the slow and steady fire
It's the stuff that dreams are made of
It's your heart and soul's desire
It's the stuff that dreams are made of

So what's this about your best friend?
She's got a brand new shiny boy
And they're moving out to Malibu
To play with all his pretty toys
And you feel closed in by the same four walls
The same old conversation
With the same old guy you've known for years
But use your imagination
And you will see

It's the stuff that dreams are made of
It's the slow and steady fire
It's the stuff that dreams are made of
It's your heart and soul's desire
It's the stuff that dreams are made of

What if the Prince on the horse in your fairytale
Is right here in disguise?
And what if the stars you've been reaching so high for
Are shining in his eyes?
Oh yeah

Don't look at yourself in the same old way
Take another picture
Shoot the stars off in your own backyard
Don't look any further
And you will see
It's the stuff that dreams are made of....

[kkat55]

Re: Marriage: Better in the Beginning or as the Relationship Matures?

LIR,

What is the name of that song? I've never heard it but I really like the words.

Reminds me of the 80's song by Charlene, "I've Been to Paradise, but I've Never Been to Me".

[kkat55]

Re: Marriage: Better in the Beginning or as the Relationship Matures?

I found the lyrics:

I've Never Been To Me

( Charlene )

Hey lady, you lady, cursing at your life
You're a discontented mother and a regimented wife
I've no doubt you dream about the things you'll never do
But, I wish someone had talked to me
Like I wanna talk to you.....

Oh, I've been to Georgia and California and anywhere I could run
I took the hand of a preacher man and we made love in the sun
But I ran out of places and friendly faces because I had to be free
I've been to paradise but I've never been to me

Please lady, please lady, don't just walk away
'Cause I have this need to tell you why I'm all alone today
I can see so much of me still living in your eyes
Won't you share a part of a weary heart that has lived million lies....

Oh, I've been to Niece and the Isle of Greece while I've sipped champagne on a yacht
I've moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo and showed 'em what I've got
I've been undressed by kings and I've seen some things that a woman ain't supposed to see
I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me

[spoken]
Hey, you know what paradise is?
It's a lie, a fantasy we create about people and places as we'd like them to be
But you know what truth is?
It's that little baby you're holding, it's that man you fought with this morning
The same one you're going to make love with tonight
That's truth, that's love......

Sometimes I've been to crying for unborn children that might have made me complete
But I took the sweet life, I never knew I'd be bitter from the sweet
I've spent my life exploring the subtle whoring that costs too much to be free
Hey lady......
I've been to paradise, (I've been to paradise)
But I've never been to me

(I've been to Georgia and California, and anywhere I could run)
I've been to paradise, never been to me
(I've been to Neice and the isle of Greece while I've sipped champagne on a yacht)
I've been to paradise, never been to me
(I've been to cryin' for unborn children that might have made me complete)
I've been to paradise, never been to me
(I've been to Georgia and California, and anywhere I could run)
I've been to paradise, never been to me

[ladyinred]

Re: Marriage: Better in the Beginning or as the Relationship Matures?

It's called "The Stuff that dreams are made of".

You can probably download it from somewhere.

[Heidi3]

Re: Marriage: Better in the Beginning or as the Relationship Matures?

I have been married to my babies daddy for the past 28 3/4 years and 21 of them have been perfect

I really can not say what end has been better...kind of ups and downs...more ups ... but raising teens was not an easy thing to live through that is for sure