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**dreamof145** · April 30, 2007, 11:24 AM

Re: Post-fat negative comments

I understand your frustration. Many people are lame when it comes to judging people - they only see the size. You know, when I meet people like this, I just totally ignore their ignorance and go on with my life. Life is too short to try to change others, I'm too busy changing my life-style and improving my own mind and life. He'll no doubt waste a lot of his life not getting to know people and lose out on a lot of good friendships because he is too busy judging people. But...you will go on and make your life happier, fuller and build habits that will keep you younger looking, healthier, and learning important skills to live a happier life. Good for you, too bad for him. You and your BF are whats important...

You've come a long way...rejoice in your accomplishments and keep improving yourself.

***Emma*** · April 30, 2007, 11:31 AM

Re: Post-fat negative comments

Id have to say something to him... otherwise i'd be thinking about it for the unforseeable future... I dont understand why some people are like that.

Ive had an experience similar just last week, though im still "big" i started seeing a guy... just last weekend, its never gonna lead to anything serious, weve both very recently come out of long term relationships so we thought we'd just have some fun with it and see where it goes... We went out with a couple of friends - (my best friend and his best friend are a couple) and they left us earlyish but we decided to go out for a drink in town, i went in my friends bar and he said "Are you with him

" i didnt know how to take it at first til i went in another bar where some of my friends were my housemate was there and he later told me they were all saying "how on earth did she get him

"

I was really offended, granted, hes a very very very good looking guy - and ive still got a bout 40-50 pounds to lose, he can see the real "me" why does everyone ---- grrrrrrrrrrr getting mad again just writing it LOL you know what i mean and anyway yeah...

I see why you were offended - i would say something if i were you, get it out of your system and move on. Its his choice to be shallow.

**Alexa** · April 30, 2007, 11:38 AM

Re: Post-fat negative comments

Thanks you guys,

Dream I think you're right - I am gaining a great deal in my new WOL and he's just shallow. I'm disappointed though, I thought we'd turned a corner relationship wise. It's important I get on with BF's dad because they are so close (but nothing alike!).

Emma, I daren't say anything. I'm more a getting quiet revenge 10 years later kind of person lol. It is so harsh that they said that about you. Why shouldn't you get a good looking guy? Being overweight doesn't turn you into a sexless blob with no charm or personality! They're probably jealous you can attract such a catch.

A girl at uni told everyone she felt sorry for me for being 'fat and ginger' behind my back. What really annoyed me was that we both had hypothyroidism and had had a big heart to heart about how it makes you gain weight. ggrrrrrrrr! I'd love to see her again and tell her we all used to call her 'Princess Pushy', because she was always best chums with the lecturers. Lol.

***Emma*** · April 30, 2007, 11:42 AM

Re: Post-fat negative comments

oh revenge is always sweet hehe!! did your bf have anything to say about it or have you not told him??

yeah i know, the guy was like, "you have the best personality of anyone ive ever met, all i want to do is spend time with you because we have such a great time - that and your darn good looking too" heh... i guess he see thru fat

at least there are some nice guys in the world eh?

**Lulubell** · April 30, 2007, 12:00 PM

Re: Post-fat negative comments

what do you all think about fat as a disability? i have a friend who is very large (like over 400 lbs), and she insists that her obesity is a disability. she even got the state to buy her a scooter so she doesn't have to walk. i find this preposterous, but i believe that it is gaining momentum among the disability advocates group.

thoughts?

**britt997** · April 30, 2007, 12:04 PM

Re: Post-fat negative comments

Baarb,
That is horrible about what your BF's Dad thought and how he acted. What gets me is that at your height and 216 you weren't incredibly fat at all. But I know the sentiment that people have towards you when you are fat. It is disgusting how people think you are worthless based on your weight, yet it happens all the time! My bf's boss has gone so far as to have discussions with my bf about how he would be better off without me because he can do "much better". This is a man I never met who has only seen what I look on the outside. At least we know better!

**julirama723** · April 30, 2007, 12:08 PM

Re: Post-fat negative comments

Baarb--I would be so hurt and offended to hear something like that. Well...I guess I *HAVE* had comments like that, and it sucks. But dream is right, if we spent all our time worrying about idiots, what time would we have to improve ourselves and enjoy life?

Lulu--I think it's ridiculous, and stuff like that is making the obesity epidemic WORSE. I mean, if a person is overweight, shouldn't they be as active as they possibly can? I realize that weight problems can be caused by health problems, but turning it into a disability is a slap in the face rather than a solution.

**Alexa** · April 30, 2007, 12:21 PM

Re: Post-fat negative comments

Thanks everyone - I'm so gald you understand why I'm upset!

BF said he was really sorry that his Dad had said this.

Patti - yes that's true. i was definately overweight and didn't look great but I wasn't the biggest person around, not even in my family. He says his wife is too big too and she's UK size 14. I find it scary when partners are controlling of their partners like this. Thank heavens for my BF who never pressured me or made me feel unattractive. It sounds like you've got a nice man there Emma

Lulubell - I'm a little torn over this. On one hand I think it's kind of disrepectful to those who are in scooters or wheelchairs through a disability since birth or an accident to treat those who overeat and get big as in the same category. i bet lots of people in chairs would love to have to chance to really work out and get healthy. On the other hand I think that in some (probably quite rare) cases people get fat through some weird physically propensity to eat and gain and gain - like this kid I saw on TV who always felt hungry, like starving hungry and would even eat carpet if locked in his room.

Then there is the issue of people who comfort eat and get addicted in a similar way to alcoholics. I do see this as an addiction and once you get past a certain volume of food and a certain size it seems to leap up and get harder and harder to tackle. I guess we wouldn't expect alcoholics to have their own equivalent free 'wheelchairs'. Some people seem genuinely trapped by their size though, so getting out and about is probably favourable to lying in bed and giving up on life.

So, yeah...not sure. Interesting question though.

**not2late** · April 30, 2007, 12:49 PM

Re: Post-fat negative comments

Baarb, be happy your bf isn't as shallow as Dad. So his Dad did something 'wrong' in the way he raised him.

Shallow people are everywhere. I'm sure that as we lost weight, we've had people suddenly become our friends or interested in becoming our friends, now that we're thinner.

Just ignore them because those kind of people aren't worth your time or worry. My daddy used to tell me that you know who your friends are when you are at your lowest point in your life.

**Tracie515** · May 1, 2007, 12:01 PM

Re: Post-fat negative comments

This thread makes me wanna slap someone.

**Alexa** · May 2, 2007, 04:42 AM

Re: Post-fat negative comments

How about slapping the woman thant keeps telling you how to do your job?!

Thanks for the support guys. Megs - your Daddy was very right.

I was obsessing about it again yesterday and I kind of realised that what really annoys me about it is that it devalues my acheivements. I really don't want people to suddenly be nice to me because I'm playing by their rules! It makes me want to become a fat activist. BUT on the other hand I love having lost weight, I feel great. Maybe I should get a T-shirt printed saying 'I did this for myself not for your shallow sense of what a person should like like'.

Anyway rant over I promise...

**kisstuck** · May 6, 2007, 02:38 PM

Re: Post-fat negative comments

I'm sorry your BF's mom said that to you Barb. I once had co-worker compliment me on my weightloss only to then say if I lost 30 more lbs he'd consider going out with me. I'm married, but I said back to him, "I may have to lose weight to meet your standards, but you'll never be good looking enough to meet mine!"

**kislandmom** · May 6, 2007, 02:59 PM

Re: Post-fat negative comments

Emma - I think you should have told those people in the bar that you were not with him, he was with YOU!!!!!

***Emma*** · May 7, 2007, 05:50 AM

Re: Post-fat negative comments

LOL Kisstuck! nice one!

Yah kis, maybe i should, i was being slow usually i'd of come out with a smartarsed comment.

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