In a time of Death, my family is attacking each other

[squeak]

I am mortified at what is happening at my sister's dying bed and she is witnessing this. My eldest sister and my mother are at each other's throats in the most viscioius and cruel manner in front of my dying sister. I tried from afar via phone to help and it only backfired at me. My eldest sister cussed me the most stinkest of cuss words, hung up on me and told me where to get off, I am in shock and stunned at this behavior. The nurses said THEY HAVE BEEN BREAKING UP THE FIGHTING ALL DAY LONG. My God, why is this happening? Both are dealing with a terrible time and both are clawing at each other in a very hateful and viscious. Sister calling mother hoe and mother calling sister ***** and it is horrible. my dying sister is seeing this and pleading for peace. I find it REVOLTING that they are doing this.

Reason? My little sister left her entire will to my eldest sister which triggered bad blood with mommy and her, as mommy felt she should have been named. But mommy has not been named in this will as it entails a lot of legal crap to be done and burdens. My dying sister wanted my mother to be spared of the burden. Eldest sister resents that mother read the will before her.

this is so much turmoil already with losing my sister and now this? It is horrible now mom is not speaking to me and neither is eldest sister who at this time is the ONLY person I can get information from? so you mean now I wont know my sister passed on? Becasue now my eldest sister has told me she is finished with me?

[Bren]

Re: In a time of Death, my family is attacking each other

Pipsqueak,

I am so sorry for all your troubles. I have found this board and think you could find alot of support here to help you at this point in time. There are people there that would be and are extremely understanding of what you are going through right now and can give you the direction and advise you need right now.

http://www.cancercompass.com/message-board.htm

[Lynsey]

Re: In a time of Death, my family is attacking each other

I am so sorry for all that you and your family are going through. Unfortunately some people let their stress take over in moments of crisis. When my father was dying, my family all held it together, but as soon as he passed I sware we all let our pain and dispair out on each other when we should have been comforting one another.

[CATBLUE]

Re: In a time of Death, my family is attacking each other

Forgive them... stress and pain are harsh task masters. Call the nurse and ask that she notify you of her passing.

Then for goodness sake don't take sides in the ensuing fight. Your mother is wrong of course. It was your sisters right to dispose of her belongings in any way she wished. Frankly if my child was dying, "stuff" would be the last thing on my mind. Just stay out of it. When they try to drag you in just say you are too grief stricken to even worry about "stuff"! Then ask about funeral arrangements. They will each up the anti as they try to recruit you to their side. Just become Switzerland and stay neutral.

I'm sorry for your loss and I'm sorry people are showing their true colors. Sometimes it's not a pretty sight. But now you know.... don't let your own plans be known before the fact... and arrange for a bank or other entity to be executor of your will. That will cut out some of the fighting.

[Atkid]

Re: In a time of Death, my family is attacking each other

No advice here, just wanted to let you know I have you in my thoughts! Hope it all clears up so your sister can pass away in peace.

[Labarum]

Re: In a time of Death, my family is attacking each other

I'm sorry for your loss and I'm sorry people are showing their true colors.

I too am sorry for all your pain, but it may not be the case that people are showing their true colours. Grief takes people different ways, and the stress will come out in all sorts of odd behaviour. Try to stand apart form the hassle and the name calling.

Your mother probably feels that her need to care for her daughter to the very end by disposing of her things is not recognised in these arrangements. At first reading I thought the argument was about ownership of a substantial estate, but it seems I am wrong. It's simple about who brings this sad affair to a conclusion, and your Mother thinks it should be her. Maybe an invitation to be closely involved in the process would heal the breach?

Maybe an involved minister of religion, or some other person with natural authority could become involved as an honest broker in these difficulties.

[squeak]

Re: In a time of Death, my family is attacking each other

Hello and thanks for all your posts.

I have been Switzerland for the pst 12 hours trying to bridge the pain, talked to mommy for 2 hours and had to scream at her to get her to LISTEN to me. She finally said thanks for being there and making her see that is it not about them but my sister who is dying. Mommy and my big sister ahs always had a jealousy bit, my big sister has always resented mommy for giving her burdens to bear since childhood of helping take care of us when we were infants etc. My big sister has always had this and so now, when mommy should really be there for my dying sister in a way that my big sister thinks she should, this is the problem as well as the will being left to my sister. There is 50,000 dollars BUT none goes to anybody but her funeral and CANCER research that is her wish. So they are not fighting about money, but stupid things like CAR, so what my big sister has three cars ad now this? so what? Mommy wnated the car for her grand son, my newphe, when I heard this I said no, jackie wnats my big sister to have it and that should be respected. It is what she wants, not what my mother wants.

the scandal I understand was more than I described here. I called the oncologist and nurses to tell them PLEASE stop this by all means, and to make sure two fo them are not there at the same time. my mother is supposed to firgive my dying sister for somethig she did when we were all teenagers, and she wont do it, I even asked her to do it, she wont. This is wrong, but my mother will have to live with this not us. I made peace with my sister by forgiving her for it, but it is really mommy's forgiveness she wants not mine. Mommy wont do it. My big sister is resentful towards her for it and other things.

The will is there to make sure my sister gets her final and last wish and my big sister is carrying it out down to the sandals she wants and color dress etc, I think this is beautiful my dying sister tells what she wants. Mommy should RESPECT this and her her wishes be done with and forget her own jealousy.

I forced my big sister in to reasoning to speak to me, as I did nothing wrong but try to bridge the confusion. I dont want a toothpick, I only wnat what is right and respectable for my dying sister, nothign more.

I will also visit the cancer site but I would also like to be able to post here? Is this still allowed or am I not to post anymore because this is not food`?

I have lost 5.25lbs in two days with all this stress, I had gained a bunch then lost drastically cuz I am not eating. So it is really affecting me.

I know what happened with daddy died it was Tora Bora all over this just hurts to see other and daughter fighting so badly an din front of the patient

This time should be serene, calm, soothing and tranquil and that the sister who is dying should feel love and calm around her, not this turmoil, its not about the material part it is the power part

[squeak]

Re: In a time of Death, my family is attacking each other

Pipsqueak,

I am so sorry for all your troubles. I have found this board and think you could find alot of support here to help you at this point in time. There are people there that would be and are extremely understanding of what you are going through right now and can give you the direction and advise you need right now.

http://www.cancercompass.com/message-board.htm

I will join it now, but am I still allowed to post here as I feel comfortable talking here?

[Bren]

Re: In a time of Death, my family is attacking each other

I will also visit the cancer site but I would also like to be able to post here? Is this still allowed or am I not to post anymore because this is not food`?

of course you are welcome to post here! I just was thinking that board and the people there could be more helpful to you as they are or have been in a situation similiar.

[squeak]

Re: In a time of Death, my family is attacking each other

of course you are welcome to post here! I just was thinking that board and the people there could be more helpful to you as they are or have been in a situation similiar.

I just feel more comfortable here, but I tried to join there and the page didnt open up