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I'm almost 48, 5ft 5 and about 330 pounds. I am a carb junkie, hypoglycaemic, PCOS, insulin-resistant, hyperinsulinist type person.
Was a skinny child, daughter of addictive-types (father alcoholic, mother dependent on upper-and-downer prescription drugs). I was a neglected and emotionally abused child who soon learned about comfort eating and compulsive over-eating and I've been doing it since I left home at 16, gaining 200 pounds in 30 years. I've never lost any weight worth mentioning.
I've tried to stick to Atkins many times before (4 years now) but I always weaken and give into carb-temptation, almost always chocolate, within the induction phase. I've found it hard to follow Atkins particularly as everyone I come into contact with (including my doctor) is absolutely, 100% convinced that this WOE is crazy and will cause early death from eating fatty foods - you know, the usual story. Despite trying, I have failed to convince anyone and I know I am a laughing stock as well because, in their eyes, my 330 pounds proves that Atkins doesn't work!
I left the board a few months back to try the regime that everybody around me kept on urging me to go on - whole grains, fruits, lean meat, low fat and low calorie, and swimming every weekday. This was to enable me to have a small bar of chocolate a day within my calorie allowance. I had all my stats looked at by nutritionists and dieticians and they told me I use up 3,800 calories per day. However, eating 1,500 to 2,000 per day and obsessively writing down every morsel and counting every calorie resulted only in 9 pounds weight loss in 2 months. I was hungry and craving carbs all day long. That tiny bar of choc gradually turned into a medium one then a large one every day. That put paid to the 9lb loss and I gained another 10 pounds as well.
Seems I can't keep to Atkins, can't keep to calorie counting. Feel a great failure, very angry with myself, very disgusted too. In all other areas of life I am very logical and sensible, but when it comes to food it's all emotion and, alas, every "good talking-to" I subject myself to has failed to make logic overcome emotion.
What brought me back here is sheer frustration. When I am sitting down it is an immense struggle to stand. Picking things up from the floor is hard, cannot do up shoelaces or put on my socks without a great struggle. Walking hurts. I now literally cannot get up out of the bath - I have to turn on to my front and get up on my knees first. There are now, for the first time, parts of my body that, despite every contortion, I simply cannot reach, and that is just appalling.
I cannot kneel down, it hurts my knees too much. I cannot even get up off the floor without help, I cannot climb over a stile, I cannot climb a ladder. There are places I cannot sit because my hips won't fit between the arms of the chairs. I cringe when forced to share a seat on a bus or train and, as I jam myself harder against the wall while tears of humiliation well up in my eyes, I pity the poor person who has to share the seat with me. When I am given a lift in a car my huge thigh is always in the way of the gear lever and makes me feel so ashamed. Stairs are a nightmare. I have reached the top size stocked at the outsize shop and all my trousers are far too tight and so uncomfortable. (What next? Wear a sheet as a toga? ) And yet, despite all this, I comfort myself after these traumas with - you guesses, a very large Galaxy chocolate. It's sheer madness, I know! Fetch that straitjacket now!
All this is so humiliating - and stupid! I often sit and weep and talk to myself, I say: "why are you doing this to yourself? Why are you making life so difficult for yourself? Why are you deliberately making yourself disabled? Think of all those unfortunate people in wheelchairs who would love to have the physical advantages you have - two legs that work! Why are you punishing yourself? Why are you hurting yourself? Why, why, why? But there are never any answers.
Sunday night I just thought - "enough is enough"!
I've been swimming 5 times a week for 18 months. Starting Monday I stepped it up a rung by walking there (1 mile uphill - a real struggle!) and back as well. I leave home around 6am & get back at 8.30.
This week I have been "counting down" to 100% Atkins, which I have achieved today.
I am on my fourth day without chocolate (I still crave it desperately!) and have kept the other carbs down, just finishing off a few things I had already bought (hummus, wholemeal pita bread, bananas) and have given away all my calorie-counted frozen meals (they contain pasta, rice etc) and just yesterday the contents of my fruit bowl. I have stocked up with bacon, eggs, sausages, olive oil, cheese, lamb (roasting now!), butter, salad, onions and red capsicums.
If anyone is still reading this far, can anyone tell me if it's ok to have a squeeze of a fresh lemon or lime in my water? It improves it no end!
Thanks for reading this. Congrats for getting to the end. I feels good to share with people who (I hope) understand.
Helena
(I have forgotten my old ID and password and have rejoined as "Frustrated". Stupid name, sets me up for success. I will change it soon.)
Was a skinny child, daughter of addictive-types (father alcoholic, mother dependent on upper-and-downer prescription drugs). I was a neglected and emotionally abused child who soon learned about comfort eating and compulsive over-eating and I've been doing it since I left home at 16, gaining 200 pounds in 30 years. I've never lost any weight worth mentioning.
I've tried to stick to Atkins many times before (4 years now) but I always weaken and give into carb-temptation, almost always chocolate, within the induction phase. I've found it hard to follow Atkins particularly as everyone I come into contact with (including my doctor) is absolutely, 100% convinced that this WOE is crazy and will cause early death from eating fatty foods - you know, the usual story. Despite trying, I have failed to convince anyone and I know I am a laughing stock as well because, in their eyes, my 330 pounds proves that Atkins doesn't work!
I left the board a few months back to try the regime that everybody around me kept on urging me to go on - whole grains, fruits, lean meat, low fat and low calorie, and swimming every weekday. This was to enable me to have a small bar of chocolate a day within my calorie allowance. I had all my stats looked at by nutritionists and dieticians and they told me I use up 3,800 calories per day. However, eating 1,500 to 2,000 per day and obsessively writing down every morsel and counting every calorie resulted only in 9 pounds weight loss in 2 months. I was hungry and craving carbs all day long. That tiny bar of choc gradually turned into a medium one then a large one every day. That put paid to the 9lb loss and I gained another 10 pounds as well.
Seems I can't keep to Atkins, can't keep to calorie counting. Feel a great failure, very angry with myself, very disgusted too. In all other areas of life I am very logical and sensible, but when it comes to food it's all emotion and, alas, every "good talking-to" I subject myself to has failed to make logic overcome emotion.
What brought me back here is sheer frustration. When I am sitting down it is an immense struggle to stand. Picking things up from the floor is hard, cannot do up shoelaces or put on my socks without a great struggle. Walking hurts. I now literally cannot get up out of the bath - I have to turn on to my front and get up on my knees first. There are now, for the first time, parts of my body that, despite every contortion, I simply cannot reach, and that is just appalling.
I cannot kneel down, it hurts my knees too much. I cannot even get up off the floor without help, I cannot climb over a stile, I cannot climb a ladder. There are places I cannot sit because my hips won't fit between the arms of the chairs. I cringe when forced to share a seat on a bus or train and, as I jam myself harder against the wall while tears of humiliation well up in my eyes, I pity the poor person who has to share the seat with me. When I am given a lift in a car my huge thigh is always in the way of the gear lever and makes me feel so ashamed. Stairs are a nightmare. I have reached the top size stocked at the outsize shop and all my trousers are far too tight and so uncomfortable. (What next? Wear a sheet as a toga? ) And yet, despite all this, I comfort myself after these traumas with - you guesses, a very large Galaxy chocolate. It's sheer madness, I know! Fetch that straitjacket now!
All this is so humiliating - and stupid! I often sit and weep and talk to myself, I say: "why are you doing this to yourself? Why are you making life so difficult for yourself? Why are you deliberately making yourself disabled? Think of all those unfortunate people in wheelchairs who would love to have the physical advantages you have - two legs that work! Why are you punishing yourself? Why are you hurting yourself? Why, why, why? But there are never any answers.
Sunday night I just thought - "enough is enough"!
I've been swimming 5 times a week for 18 months. Starting Monday I stepped it up a rung by walking there (1 mile uphill - a real struggle!) and back as well. I leave home around 6am & get back at 8.30.
This week I have been "counting down" to 100% Atkins, which I have achieved today.
I am on my fourth day without chocolate (I still crave it desperately!) and have kept the other carbs down, just finishing off a few things I had already bought (hummus, wholemeal pita bread, bananas) and have given away all my calorie-counted frozen meals (they contain pasta, rice etc) and just yesterday the contents of my fruit bowl. I have stocked up with bacon, eggs, sausages, olive oil, cheese, lamb (roasting now!), butter, salad, onions and red capsicums.
If anyone is still reading this far, can anyone tell me if it's ok to have a squeeze of a fresh lemon or lime in my water? It improves it no end!
Thanks for reading this. Congrats for getting to the end. I feels good to share with people who (I hope) understand.
Helena
(I have forgotten my old ID and password and have rejoined as "Frustrated". Stupid name, sets me up for success. I will change it soon.)
You look great and you are doing great.
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