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Hi! I'm Tilly, and I'd like to take some time to introduce myself.
I'm 24, turning 25 in December. I'm living in a city that I moved to because my high school boyfriend moved here after we graduated - and because we were in luuuuurve, I followed. Well, the course I was studying at University turned out to not be what I wanted to do with my life, the boyfriend and I broke up, and I just kind of... stalled. I've been living in Hamilton since 2002. That's nearly six years in a city I don't even like! I'm currently working in a call centre for an electricity provider, and a couple of weeks ago I realised that I get at least two abusive phone calls each day. At least twice a day somebody who doesn't know me calls me up and says horrible things to me because of something I didn't even cause. And I thought to myself that if I'm not happy in that job, I should just find a new one. Naturally, that progressed to "I'm not happy in this city, I need to find a new one" which led to "I'm not happy in this body, I need to make a new one".
I've always been on the chubby side, but it's gotten a lot worse recently. I'm 5'4" and 88.9 kilos, (196 pounds, if the online converter I'm looking at doesn't lead me astray) which if we go by BMI alone, makes me obese. With one grandfather having died of a heart attack and the other having had multiple coronary bypass surgeries, I'm really not someone who can afford to be unhealthy.
A major stumbling block for me is that I've never been on a diet. In high school my best friend suffered from bulimia, which progressed to anorexia, and she ended up being hospitalised. I was overseas when she spiralled out of control, and I don't think that I'll ever be able to get the sight of her when I first saw her again out of my head. I walked up to her to give her a hug and the first part of her body that touched mine was her protruding hipbones. It's kind of choking me up even now to think about that, and the fact that my friend's obsession with what she saw as perfection had turned a beautiful girl into an animated skeleton gave me a sort of horror of weight loss or control. My terror over her obsession allowed me to lump EVERYTHING in with that level of obsession, and gave me a convenient escape route over my own food problems. Better fat than half dead, right? Except that having a heart attack due to being overweight would kill me just as dead as a heart attack from being underweight would.
Then I found Atkins, pretty much by chance. I'd heard about it, and heard the major misconceptions about it, and like a lot of people scoffed that a diet where you can eat five pounds of bacon but not an apple was just plain stupid. A couple of weeks ago I bought a bulk lot of second-hand books and "Dr Atkins' new Diet Revolution" was in it. I read it, because I am the type of person who will read a cereal box out of boredom, and it made sense. I realised that most (if not all) of what I'd heard about Atkins was incorrect and misguided and that if done properly, it's a very healthful way to live. I realised that it's probably the very best way for me to attack my weight problem. I do my supermarket shopping today – all my sugar and carb laden food is in a box, ready to go to the food bank, and I have a VERY strict shopping list. Just to make doubly sure I’m buying the food to get me through Induction and then splashing out at Lush to make sure I can’t afford to cheat! If I’m going to be looking after the inside the outside deserves some love too, right?
Anyway, if you've made it to the end of this - which looks more like and essay than an introduction - I want to say thanks for having me. I'm kind of scared, to be honest - scared I'll fail, and DEFINITELY scared to be admitting that I really need to do something when it's always been my MO to pretend that I don't care what I look like because it's my brain that matters. So I'm excited to be starting this with such a friendly and funny bunch of people I can turn to for advice!
I'm 24, turning 25 in December. I'm living in a city that I moved to because my high school boyfriend moved here after we graduated - and because we were in luuuuurve, I followed. Well, the course I was studying at University turned out to not be what I wanted to do with my life, the boyfriend and I broke up, and I just kind of... stalled. I've been living in Hamilton since 2002. That's nearly six years in a city I don't even like! I'm currently working in a call centre for an electricity provider, and a couple of weeks ago I realised that I get at least two abusive phone calls each day. At least twice a day somebody who doesn't know me calls me up and says horrible things to me because of something I didn't even cause. And I thought to myself that if I'm not happy in that job, I should just find a new one. Naturally, that progressed to "I'm not happy in this city, I need to find a new one" which led to "I'm not happy in this body, I need to make a new one".
I've always been on the chubby side, but it's gotten a lot worse recently. I'm 5'4" and 88.9 kilos, (196 pounds, if the online converter I'm looking at doesn't lead me astray) which if we go by BMI alone, makes me obese. With one grandfather having died of a heart attack and the other having had multiple coronary bypass surgeries, I'm really not someone who can afford to be unhealthy.
A major stumbling block for me is that I've never been on a diet. In high school my best friend suffered from bulimia, which progressed to anorexia, and she ended up being hospitalised. I was overseas when she spiralled out of control, and I don't think that I'll ever be able to get the sight of her when I first saw her again out of my head. I walked up to her to give her a hug and the first part of her body that touched mine was her protruding hipbones. It's kind of choking me up even now to think about that, and the fact that my friend's obsession with what she saw as perfection had turned a beautiful girl into an animated skeleton gave me a sort of horror of weight loss or control. My terror over her obsession allowed me to lump EVERYTHING in with that level of obsession, and gave me a convenient escape route over my own food problems. Better fat than half dead, right? Except that having a heart attack due to being overweight would kill me just as dead as a heart attack from being underweight would.
Then I found Atkins, pretty much by chance. I'd heard about it, and heard the major misconceptions about it, and like a lot of people scoffed that a diet where you can eat five pounds of bacon but not an apple was just plain stupid. A couple of weeks ago I bought a bulk lot of second-hand books and "Dr Atkins' new Diet Revolution" was in it. I read it, because I am the type of person who will read a cereal box out of boredom, and it made sense. I realised that most (if not all) of what I'd heard about Atkins was incorrect and misguided and that if done properly, it's a very healthful way to live. I realised that it's probably the very best way for me to attack my weight problem. I do my supermarket shopping today – all my sugar and carb laden food is in a box, ready to go to the food bank, and I have a VERY strict shopping list. Just to make doubly sure I’m buying the food to get me through Induction and then splashing out at Lush to make sure I can’t afford to cheat! If I’m going to be looking after the inside the outside deserves some love too, right?
Anyway, if you've made it to the end of this - which looks more like and essay than an introduction - I want to say thanks for having me. I'm kind of scared, to be honest - scared I'll fail, and DEFINITELY scared to be admitting that I really need to do something when it's always been my MO to pretend that I don't care what I look like because it's my brain that matters. So I'm excited to be starting this with such a friendly and funny bunch of people I can turn to for advice!
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