Tweet
I did Atkins all of last year and loved it. I felt good; I was losing weight; I told everyone I knew about it.
I started out at 5'1", 289 pounds. I saw my lowest weight back in October at 220 pounds, and even though I was till 100 pounds over my goal, I was beginning to take interest in my appearance again, beginning to feel attractive.
Then enter the "helpful friend." Every day this person asked what I ate. Usually it was the same: Bfast - two eggs, two slices bacon, Lunch - can of tuna with light mayo, Supper - Bubba burger with onions (cheese and bacon if I felt bingey), and two cups of broccoli or salad.
I was starting to get bored because I didn't have enough variety, and my friend's comments started taking hold. He said I would have lost the weight anyway by restricting calories. That I could have eaten anything. Didn't I miss fruit and pasta and bread? He said it was ok to have the occasional piece of pie or fast food.
Here's the thing: It's not ok for me. I can't control myself. Won't. I go crazy when I can have the foods I love. (Although I'll admit that even now sugar has lots its appeal to me. Why I keep shoveling it in is a mystery.)
Anyway, I'm scared to look at the scale right now. Last time I looked at it a few days ago, it said 238. 18 freaking pounds. It may be even higher today. I can feel my belly rolls again. My love handles are coming back -- they were starting to disappear. I was wearing a tight size 20 jeans. Now my biggest jeans -- Size 24 -- are tight. I find myself unbuttoning the top button all the time.
And that friend who told me Atkins was stupid? He admonished me for the weight gain. I said I didn't know where my willpower had gone, and he said it was probably in my fat jeans and that I better dig all my fat clothes out because weight loss was a simple act of mind over matter and clearly I didn't care.
I've been overweight my entire life except a brief time period in college. I was the one never picked for the team, the one who huffed and puffed when walking with friends in the mall.
It hurts. It terrifies me to be heading back to where I came from. And I don't feel like I have a person in the world to support me. Atkins works. I know it does. It's the ONLY thing that's ever worked for me.
And I really need someone to help me find my willpower, because my friend's "fat jeans" comment only made me order a large pizza and eat 3/4 of it in one sitting.
Before: 289, 07-24-06
Before: 289, 02-08-07
After: 229, 10-28-07
After, at my lowest weight, 220, 2-29-08:
There's also a slideshow of last year's progress here: The Search: Self-Portraits 2007 - cloudybright.com
I started out at 5'1", 289 pounds. I saw my lowest weight back in October at 220 pounds, and even though I was till 100 pounds over my goal, I was beginning to take interest in my appearance again, beginning to feel attractive.
Then enter the "helpful friend." Every day this person asked what I ate. Usually it was the same: Bfast - two eggs, two slices bacon, Lunch - can of tuna with light mayo, Supper - Bubba burger with onions (cheese and bacon if I felt bingey), and two cups of broccoli or salad.
I was starting to get bored because I didn't have enough variety, and my friend's comments started taking hold. He said I would have lost the weight anyway by restricting calories. That I could have eaten anything. Didn't I miss fruit and pasta and bread? He said it was ok to have the occasional piece of pie or fast food.
Here's the thing: It's not ok for me. I can't control myself. Won't. I go crazy when I can have the foods I love. (Although I'll admit that even now sugar has lots its appeal to me. Why I keep shoveling it in is a mystery.)
Anyway, I'm scared to look at the scale right now. Last time I looked at it a few days ago, it said 238. 18 freaking pounds. It may be even higher today. I can feel my belly rolls again. My love handles are coming back -- they were starting to disappear. I was wearing a tight size 20 jeans. Now my biggest jeans -- Size 24 -- are tight. I find myself unbuttoning the top button all the time.
And that friend who told me Atkins was stupid? He admonished me for the weight gain. I said I didn't know where my willpower had gone, and he said it was probably in my fat jeans and that I better dig all my fat clothes out because weight loss was a simple act of mind over matter and clearly I didn't care.
I've been overweight my entire life except a brief time period in college. I was the one never picked for the team, the one who huffed and puffed when walking with friends in the mall.
It hurts. It terrifies me to be heading back to where I came from. And I don't feel like I have a person in the world to support me. Atkins works. I know it does. It's the ONLY thing that's ever worked for me.
And I really need someone to help me find my willpower, because my friend's "fat jeans" comment only made me order a large pizza and eat 3/4 of it in one sitting.
Before: 289, 07-24-06
Before: 289, 02-08-07
After: 229, 10-28-07
After, at my lowest weight, 220, 2-29-08:
There's also a slideshow of last year's progress here: The Search: Self-Portraits 2007 - cloudybright.com
Andrea
Comment