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A "Re-introduction" :)
I was here previously under the name SuperDork...but since this is a new start and I no longer have the email address that has the password for that account..haha, I wanted to start anew.
A little updated info on me and what I've been up to - I'm Jen, 24 years old and from Colorado. I was chubby at times growing up but lots of family issues and things as I got older, caused me to go from Chubby...to Fat. I've lost weight on several occasions, only to later gain it back.
The last year and a half has just completely messed me up. I was on Atkins and doing good...had lost about 60 pounds and then... In May of 07', My dad...who'd never been sick hardly in his life, never called in sick for work or had health problems...was diagnosed with liver cancer. It was sudden and unexpected to say the least. He went from working 10 hour days still and things being "normal", to everything starting to go downhill.
In July, My fiance came down and helped my dad and I move up to Denver with him. Dad lived with us until September, after our wedding. Then he went back to TN to help out my grandparents, who are both into their 80's. He was doing good, feeling pretty good and things seemed to be fine. When I came back to Co after taking him back there and staying for a few weeks, I was pretty much constantly sad. I was worried about him and I missed him. To say my Dad's my best friend, is putting it mildly. We went through so much when I was younger and I was always a Daddy's girl anyway...It tore me up not being closer and able to see him.
Things were great with dad for a while, he was feeling really great, getting strength back...etc...Then in February he got a cold and it seemed to weaken him and in March I started to get an odd feeling when I talked to Dad on the phone and one day I told my husband I needed to go back to TN...So we loaded me up and I headed back. I hadn't been on the road for 4 hours when my grandma called me to tell me that Dad was in the hospital. He'd checked himself in because he was having a lot of water rentention. So I sped the rest of the way there and when I got there and saw my dad it was a shock, he'd lost so much weight...But, he still had a good attitude, so once the hospital let him go home we started working on him getting his strength back. He was good, still cooking himself dinner, getting around, going to the store with me, and planning on coming back out to Colorado with me and my husband...then in Late May I got very sick out of the blue and Dad caught it and from then he just weakened. His birthday was on July 4th, I did everything I could to make it great....and then on July 14th I was at the hospital holding my dad's hand when he took his last breath and left me to go rest. I feared that day my whole life because I didn't know how I could go on without him. He was my whole world, my best friend, my teacher...everything. I didn't take any of it well...It was so hard just being away from him and not able to hug him because he was so many miles away and now he was gone. I felt so so so very alone. So I came home, and since then it's been so hard...and so many other things have been hard, with money, in-laws..etc. But my husband and I just moved into a new place and I want to change. I'm not Me anymore. It was like as the life left my dad, it left me too. My heart shattered and something was torn from me and I haven't been the same....and I tell you all of this, because since all this started, this last year and a half...I have gained all I lost and then some back. I knew I had, but two things have hit me hard lately. A) My dad wanted to see me healthy and trim again so badly and I let him down...and I don't want to keep doing that. The next time he sees me, I want to be healthy...However far away that might be.
And B) While I've never been small, I've never had a hard time getting up and down or had pain anywhere...and lately, I have. Suddenly my knees hurt and it's harder to get around....And I'm 24 years old and tired of it! I'm sick of my weight controlling my life and things I do and how I feel and opportunities...I weigh about 25 lbs more than I did at my highest when I started Atkins before. I'm just disgusted with myself. I want to lose this weight and feel better. I love photography and I want to be able to do that more, to be able to hike up in the mountains and find hidden places that if I tried to now...I wouldn't be able to get 100 steps into without being totally out of breath. I want to change. I want to be the person on the outside that I feel like I have been on the inside, but that no one sees because they can't see past all the fat! I want my husband to be proud of me...I want to have energy. I want to like myself and not hate what I am. I want to be able to SIT IN SEATS! It's terrible going places and you worry about where you'll sit because you're too big for a chair...
So there's a bit about me..
A little updated info on me and what I've been up to - I'm Jen, 24 years old and from Colorado. I was chubby at times growing up but lots of family issues and things as I got older, caused me to go from Chubby...to Fat. I've lost weight on several occasions, only to later gain it back.
The last year and a half has just completely messed me up. I was on Atkins and doing good...had lost about 60 pounds and then... In May of 07', My dad...who'd never been sick hardly in his life, never called in sick for work or had health problems...was diagnosed with liver cancer. It was sudden and unexpected to say the least. He went from working 10 hour days still and things being "normal", to everything starting to go downhill.
In July, My fiance came down and helped my dad and I move up to Denver with him. Dad lived with us until September, after our wedding. Then he went back to TN to help out my grandparents, who are both into their 80's. He was doing good, feeling pretty good and things seemed to be fine. When I came back to Co after taking him back there and staying for a few weeks, I was pretty much constantly sad. I was worried about him and I missed him. To say my Dad's my best friend, is putting it mildly. We went through so much when I was younger and I was always a Daddy's girl anyway...It tore me up not being closer and able to see him.
Things were great with dad for a while, he was feeling really great, getting strength back...etc...Then in February he got a cold and it seemed to weaken him and in March I started to get an odd feeling when I talked to Dad on the phone and one day I told my husband I needed to go back to TN...So we loaded me up and I headed back. I hadn't been on the road for 4 hours when my grandma called me to tell me that Dad was in the hospital. He'd checked himself in because he was having a lot of water rentention. So I sped the rest of the way there and when I got there and saw my dad it was a shock, he'd lost so much weight...But, he still had a good attitude, so once the hospital let him go home we started working on him getting his strength back. He was good, still cooking himself dinner, getting around, going to the store with me, and planning on coming back out to Colorado with me and my husband...then in Late May I got very sick out of the blue and Dad caught it and from then he just weakened. His birthday was on July 4th, I did everything I could to make it great....and then on July 14th I was at the hospital holding my dad's hand when he took his last breath and left me to go rest. I feared that day my whole life because I didn't know how I could go on without him. He was my whole world, my best friend, my teacher...everything. I didn't take any of it well...It was so hard just being away from him and not able to hug him because he was so many miles away and now he was gone. I felt so so so very alone. So I came home, and since then it's been so hard...and so many other things have been hard, with money, in-laws..etc. But my husband and I just moved into a new place and I want to change. I'm not Me anymore. It was like as the life left my dad, it left me too. My heart shattered and something was torn from me and I haven't been the same....and I tell you all of this, because since all this started, this last year and a half...I have gained all I lost and then some back. I knew I had, but two things have hit me hard lately. A) My dad wanted to see me healthy and trim again so badly and I let him down...and I don't want to keep doing that. The next time he sees me, I want to be healthy...However far away that might be.
And B) While I've never been small, I've never had a hard time getting up and down or had pain anywhere...and lately, I have. Suddenly my knees hurt and it's harder to get around....And I'm 24 years old and tired of it! I'm sick of my weight controlling my life and things I do and how I feel and opportunities...I weigh about 25 lbs more than I did at my highest when I started Atkins before. I'm just disgusted with myself. I want to lose this weight and feel better. I love photography and I want to be able to do that more, to be able to hike up in the mountains and find hidden places that if I tried to now...I wouldn't be able to get 100 steps into without being totally out of breath. I want to change. I want to be the person on the outside that I feel like I have been on the inside, but that no one sees because they can't see past all the fat! I want my husband to be proud of me...I want to have energy. I want to like myself and not hate what I am. I want to be able to SIT IN SEATS! It's terrible going places and you worry about where you'll sit because you're too big for a chair...
So there's a bit about me..
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