I'm 46, and I want to live, so here I am.

[Papa Deuce]

I go by Papa Deuce, or PD, for short. That is my nickname for being a Father of Two. My real name is Chuck.

Well, now, where to begin, as I am so angry with, and ashamed of myself.

Little background on me. I have been heavy my whole life, even as a 10 year old, but NEVER as heavy as I am right now. And here is why I am so angry with myself, and so ashamed:

In June 2007 I had a heart attack. A BIG HEART ATTACK. I needed a "6Tuple Bypass". And as a result of the blood work they did, I found out that I was diabetic as well. I was 5'6 and 290 pounds. So, I came through the bypass with flying colors. Withing 3 months I felt better than I have in all of my adult life.

BTW, going back a bit, even though I have been heavy my whole life, and ate poorly, I have ALWAYS been active. At various points in my life I was a big hiker. Or a big biker.... I once rode 90 miles in a day on a mountain bike. I have had long periods where I have worked out at the gym. I once dropped from 292 down to 217. Then I went on a cruise, and lost all self control, and stopped working out and gained all my weight back, plus 10 pounds.

Today, I sit at about 312. Absolutely idiotic considering my conditions. But on January 2nd, at the encouragement of an internet friend, I am now doing Atkins ( for the 2nd time ).... I figure that with being diabetic I really don't have much choice anymore.

I have been working out and eating ONLY 2000 calories a day ( well, until I fell of the wagon from about December 15th - January 1st ). And I didn't lose a single pound in the preceding 4 weeks of that regimen. Not a single pound! That was 1 hour of SERIOUS working out, and eating low cal / low fat. And never more than 2200 calories a day.

I have AMAZING twin daughters who I love with all my heart. I have a tremendous wife. I have everything to want to live for, and I need to make it happen. I need as much of my old life - healthy and active - back as I can get.

The bad part about me is that I am an absolute food junkie. I love to eat food. I love to cook food. I love to talk about food. I love to watch Food TV. My mind is consumed by thoughts of food... probably 3 hours a day I am thinking about food.... How bad is that?

Anyway, I am here. Wish me luck. I absolutely know what needs to be done. I just need the fortitude to make it happen this time.

PD.

[momtomany1]

Re: I'm 46, and I want to live, so here I am.

The fortitude you will find within, we all have it when we really want it. YOU WILL.

The support we will gladly offer. You see so much good in your life, and so much of it springs from you! Let go of the anger and guilt and shame, those are not useful, and hold onto the hope for the future and the gratitude.. Dude! you survived and are surviving, and are about to start living and loving your family renewed.

And now you can eat. Any 'foodie' appreciates a good omelette. I make mine with yellow peppers and red onions, delish! Have a pork chop on me, and a big glass of water. Phooey on low cal, and look forward to some serious energy. Plan your start so that detox, (often worst around day 3) doesn't interfere with work, and stock up the fridge. Stick it out, and once the sugar clears your system, you will feel on top of the world!

rooting for ya!

[firegem]

Re: I'm 46, and I want to live, so here I am.

Welcome to the board, PD. Being a food junkie myself, I can sure relate. I think we've found the absolute best place to come for support and I'm looking forward to seeing your success!

[keriann_forgoodthistime]

Re: I'm 46, and I want to live, so here I am.

hello!! I'm brand spankin' new to Atkins so I really don't know what words of advice I can give you - and even though we're on different ends of the gender spectrum (i'm a 29 year old woman) I can tell you I know EXACTLY what you're feeling when you were exercising and eating right and couldn't lose ONE FREAKING POUND. I've also been on the roller coaster since I was 12 years old and I've lost a lot before which is why when I wasn't losing and I THOUGHT I was eating right (low fat/low cal) it was frustrating...

While i'm not diabetic yet - I may soon be if I don't stop eating sugar and carbs both my parents are and it runs in the family. My doctor finally diagnosed me with Insulin Resistance (which is why I wasn't losing any weight anymore) and she told me to do Atkins. I didn't listen to her for a year. But finally a few days ago I decided, "hey - maybe she's right" - there's GOT to be something wrong with my body that's saying why I CAN'T lose weight and SHE'S the one who keeps telling me to eat less carbs.

After reading about atkins and really educating myself on this plan - it makes sense! For diabetics (or close to, such as myself) - when our bodies do NOT process carbs and sugar correctly, we SHOULDN'T be eating those foods.

Anyways - I just wanted to say you're not alone and you CAN do this.
Good luck and just remember while you're doing this for you - you're also doing it for your family as well.

[IDontWantToBeFat]

Re: I'm 46, and I want to live, so here I am.

Hi PD,

I am encouraged by your fortitude to start again and fight for your life You sound like you have much to live for! As far as loviong the food, go on amazon.com and type in atkins diet books. There are an aray of gormet, slow cooker recipes and all kinds of food related creations to fulfill that creative side to your food. You can do this! I am new and haven't started yet, but I fear as you do, I will be bored with the food after a while, so I ordered all these books to make it exciting as i can. Be well, and God Bless.

Michelle

[Papa Deuce]

Re: I'm 46, and I want to live, so here I am.

Thank you, all. Just woke up, so my brain is a little too foggy to write a big thank you.

[Debi2007]

Re: I'm 46, and I want to live, so here I am.

Hi PD,

Welcome! I can totally relate to being a food junkie! I love food. My weight issues have no underlying cause except food tastes soooo good and is so fun to make! So I can totally relate. The nice thing about this way of eating is that it doesn't really seem like a "diet" or "program" because you can make really delicious foods and enjoy them! It is so great. I wish you success...

[AOT]

Re: I'm 46, and I want to live, so here I am.

Dear PD, Welcome on board. I can totally relate about the food. I am totally obsessed with food too! I think about it all the time and just like you, I love the food chanel. I am also a great cook so I have lots of interest in food! Keep at it and make the right food choices and you will get there! Good luck and keep posting your progress, we are all here to support you!

[Sarina D]

Re: I'm 46, and I want to live, so here I am.

Hey PD, welcome to the board it's great to have you here!!!

Don't get discourged at where you are (You mentioned feeling ashamed). Where you are with your weight will change in no time! What is important is that you focus on what you're doing now to change that and improve your health. I know you can do this, I have no doubt about that and we're all here to support you through your journey...we're all in this together.

Make sure your Induction is a clean one, drink LOTS of water and fit some form of exercise into your daily routine. Do everything by the book (literally) and you'll be feeling and seeing the difference in no time.

Keep in touch and let us know how things are going for you!

Sarina
--------------------------------

Heaviest weight last year- 400 lbs. (2007)
April 1, 2008 - 387 lbs.
Atkins start weight – 347 (July 19, 2008 )
(100 lbs. lost as of Oct 2, 2008 - Hit 300 lbs. on this day )
Current weight – 252 lbs.
Goal weight - 150 – 160

[Chicklady]

Re: I'm 46, and I want to live, so here I am.

Hi PD. I gotta ask....why are you eating low fat? and low calorie? If you are concerned about saturated fats because of your heart condition, make most of your fat mono and poly unsaturateds....but you should be eating about 65% of your calories from fat.

I have been working out and eating ONLY 2000 calories a day ( well, until I fell of the wagon from about December 15th - January 1st ). And I didn't lose a single pound in the preceding 4 weeks of that regimen. Not a single pound! That was 1 hour of SERIOUS working out, and eating low cal / low fat. And never more than 2200 calories a day.

[Chicklady]

Re: I'm 46, and I want to live, so here I am.

PS, I hit 290 pounds eating QUALITY food too You would never catch me a McD's. Developing Atkins friendly recipes can be a fun challenge!

[Papa Deuce]

Re: I'm 46, and I want to live, so here I am.

Hi PD. I gotta ask....why are you eating low fat? and low calorie? If you are concerned about saturated fats because of your heart condition, make most of your fat mono and poly unsaturateds....but you should be eating about 65% of your calories from fat.

That was before I started Atkins 3 days ago.

Anyway, now that I am fully awake, and having coffee with cream , I appreciate all the kind words and support. I really don't have a choice; I need to get this done.

[Chicklady]

Re: I'm 46, and I want to live, so here I am.

Ok, duh! I get it

[Zarabelle]

Re: I'm 46, and I want to live, so here I am.

Hello! I just want to wish you every success in your weight loss journey - I am sure you can do it! It's a good diet to do if you're a food junkie as you can still have great food! Take care, Zx