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New for the Last time!
I'm not new in the sense that I was part of this site several years ago, when I had far less weight to lose.
I am new in the sense that I've got a new name and I'm starting this for the last time.
A bit about me -
My name is Jen - I'll be 25 here in just a few days, I'm from beautiful Colorado and I am physically probably over twice my literal age.
I have never been a "skinny" person, although I see now that what people use to consider "fat" on me, was a joke! I would love to be the once "fat" me that weighed 150 lbs at 5'3" tall!
I started Atkins several years ago when I got to a high weight of 312 lbs. At the time, I lost about 55 lbs and kept it off for a good while. I started to creep back into bad habits and over the next year, gained it back. At that time my life suddenly went into a tailspin. My Dad and best friend, got diagnosed with Cancer...just a couple months before I was getting married. Everything started to change....Long lonnnng story short. Got married, took my dad back to live with my grandparents so he could help them out and do some medical things for himself...5 months later I got a strange feeling and decided I HAD to drive the 1400 miles back to see him, right then. We talked everyday and I just one day got a feeling...so I started back and halfway there I got a call from my grandma that he was in the hospital. Got to TN where he was, he wasn't good at all. We got him back to my grandparents and I then spent the next nearly 5 months taking care of him and trying to help him pull through....until 10 days after his 60th birthday, Dad left and went to rest with the Lord. It's putting it mildly to say that changed things for me and changed ME. My whole world crumbled and when I came home I wasn't the same....I spent most of the last year since his death, in a depression, eating to try to numb all the horrible hurt of losing my everything, my best friend, my family. As a result, it's now 14 months later and I'm 75 lbs heavier than I was at my previous weight. That's right....the last time I weighed myself a few days ago I was 380-some pounds. I'm only 5'3".....I'm only 25....and this is what I've come to.
All I can think is how all my dad wanted was to have me healthy and I can't even bear how badly worried, upset, disappointed and sad he'd be to see me now. And that hurts me worse. I have been realizing how bad things are and trying to work on changing and wanted to come here, hoping for the support of others....
My weight is killing me, literally and figuratively.
Out of nowhere my knees have started to give me problems - not surprising considering my weight....surprising it hasn't happened sooner!
My husband and I want kids one day soon and I can't even fathom going through that the way I am now, I'm worried all the extra weight and strain would kill or hurt me and a baby.
I can't even take a SHOWER without getting tired and winded...and I cry everytime I think of that because I just hate myself for letting myself get to this.
I love photography and want to continue to get more serious about it, but I'm not able to hike and get to places I need to because of my weight.
The only silver lining, if there is one, in all of this....is that somehow I'm not diabetic...have no blood sugar issues, my blood pressure is even in a normal range! Don't ask how! My dr's can't figure it out either....they've tested and tested and tested me and other than the weight itself, I have so far skirted around any other kind of health issue. So that makes me want to get this weight off, before all those issues DO pop up. =/
Anyway. So there's a bit about me. Hope to get to know some of you better and get on the road to HEALTH.
I am new in the sense that I've got a new name and I'm starting this for the last time.
A bit about me -
My name is Jen - I'll be 25 here in just a few days, I'm from beautiful Colorado and I am physically probably over twice my literal age.
I have never been a "skinny" person, although I see now that what people use to consider "fat" on me, was a joke! I would love to be the once "fat" me that weighed 150 lbs at 5'3" tall!
I started Atkins several years ago when I got to a high weight of 312 lbs. At the time, I lost about 55 lbs and kept it off for a good while. I started to creep back into bad habits and over the next year, gained it back. At that time my life suddenly went into a tailspin. My Dad and best friend, got diagnosed with Cancer...just a couple months before I was getting married. Everything started to change....Long lonnnng story short. Got married, took my dad back to live with my grandparents so he could help them out and do some medical things for himself...5 months later I got a strange feeling and decided I HAD to drive the 1400 miles back to see him, right then. We talked everyday and I just one day got a feeling...so I started back and halfway there I got a call from my grandma that he was in the hospital. Got to TN where he was, he wasn't good at all. We got him back to my grandparents and I then spent the next nearly 5 months taking care of him and trying to help him pull through....until 10 days after his 60th birthday, Dad left and went to rest with the Lord. It's putting it mildly to say that changed things for me and changed ME. My whole world crumbled and when I came home I wasn't the same....I spent most of the last year since his death, in a depression, eating to try to numb all the horrible hurt of losing my everything, my best friend, my family. As a result, it's now 14 months later and I'm 75 lbs heavier than I was at my previous weight. That's right....the last time I weighed myself a few days ago I was 380-some pounds. I'm only 5'3".....I'm only 25....and this is what I've come to.
All I can think is how all my dad wanted was to have me healthy and I can't even bear how badly worried, upset, disappointed and sad he'd be to see me now. And that hurts me worse. I have been realizing how bad things are and trying to work on changing and wanted to come here, hoping for the support of others....
My weight is killing me, literally and figuratively.
Out of nowhere my knees have started to give me problems - not surprising considering my weight....surprising it hasn't happened sooner!
My husband and I want kids one day soon and I can't even fathom going through that the way I am now, I'm worried all the extra weight and strain would kill or hurt me and a baby.
I can't even take a SHOWER without getting tired and winded...and I cry everytime I think of that because I just hate myself for letting myself get to this.
I love photography and want to continue to get more serious about it, but I'm not able to hike and get to places I need to because of my weight.
The only silver lining, if there is one, in all of this....is that somehow I'm not diabetic...have no blood sugar issues, my blood pressure is even in a normal range! Don't ask how! My dr's can't figure it out either....they've tested and tested and tested me and other than the weight itself, I have so far skirted around any other kind of health issue. So that makes me want to get this weight off, before all those issues DO pop up. =/
Anyway. So there's a bit about me. Hope to get to know some of you better and get on the road to HEALTH.
First of all , Congrats on making this decision! You will not regret it! 
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