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Full circle -- a description of both my current torso, and my continuous battle with food.
I last followed the low carb lifestyle in mid-2008 with some success. I never hit the goal that I had then set for myself (190), but in hindsight, I was at a weight that I was personally happy with (225) regardless of what my physician thought.
At some point, after about 4-5 months of strict OWL eating, I decided that I deserved to eat the "forbidden" foods that friends and family were enjoying on a regular basis. Thus followed a long period of on again/off again dieting which slowly put the weight back on. Oh, I would get strict for a week or two here and there, but inevitably a situation would arise where I felt it wasn't fair that others could have a slice of cake, a scoop of ice cream, a few beers at the bar, or any other item that always led to disaster.
And so here I am back at 265, wearing pants that are too tight, with the button undone, under a tight shirt that I have to leave untucked. I have returned to snacking at all hours of the day although my worst addiction is night time bingeing (the inspiration for my forum name) once everyone else is in bed.
I find that if I eat even a morsel after around 6 PM, it opens the floodgates for a desire to eat until I am hard of breath and fall asleep on the sofa, too sick and weary to trudge up the steps to bed. In the morning (still tired), I swear I'll never make that mistake again, skip breakfast (still stuffed) and go until about 2 PM on water alone. Around 3 PM (first pangs of hunger), I leave work to grab a fast food lunch (often a "healthy" option, but fast food nonetheless) and then head home around 6 PM. I skip dinner telling myself I'm only going to eat again later anyway, which of course I do. Sugary cereals, cookies, peanut butter sandwiches, leftover pizza -- whatever is quick and easy. Full circle.
I don't necessarily believe this WOE is right for everyone, but as a "carbaholic" it is the only option for me, although I often try to convince myself otherwise. I can not eat a standard portion of anything sweet or doughy without craving more. Even eating a sweet piece of fruit can trigger a desire for more sugar!
I HATE that society still frowns on the low carb lifestyle even though there are more food options available to us then ever before. I HATE that I have friends and family who don't have the problems I have, and don't understand why I don't simply eat less. I HATE that no matter how successful I can be at this WOE, there will always be some situation where I will be challenged, and I especially HATE that in many of those situations I have failed in the past.
As a result, I have put off the need to return to this WOE because I'm tired of failing. But the fact is that I either need a new wardrobe (and a better life insurance option), or the resolve to stick to a program that has proven effective in the past. My hope is that the latter choice wins out, and that I can retain some memory of what "today" is like to reflect on when temptation inevitably works it's way back into my life.
EDIT: Apologies for the "woe is me" intro, but I had to get rid of the baggage. I plan to bookmark this entry and look back on it every few weeks (days?!) in hopes it will keep me committed to staying on plan.
I last followed the low carb lifestyle in mid-2008 with some success. I never hit the goal that I had then set for myself (190), but in hindsight, I was at a weight that I was personally happy with (225) regardless of what my physician thought.
At some point, after about 4-5 months of strict OWL eating, I decided that I deserved to eat the "forbidden" foods that friends and family were enjoying on a regular basis. Thus followed a long period of on again/off again dieting which slowly put the weight back on. Oh, I would get strict for a week or two here and there, but inevitably a situation would arise where I felt it wasn't fair that others could have a slice of cake, a scoop of ice cream, a few beers at the bar, or any other item that always led to disaster.
And so here I am back at 265, wearing pants that are too tight, with the button undone, under a tight shirt that I have to leave untucked. I have returned to snacking at all hours of the day although my worst addiction is night time bingeing (the inspiration for my forum name) once everyone else is in bed.
I find that if I eat even a morsel after around 6 PM, it opens the floodgates for a desire to eat until I am hard of breath and fall asleep on the sofa, too sick and weary to trudge up the steps to bed. In the morning (still tired), I swear I'll never make that mistake again, skip breakfast (still stuffed) and go until about 2 PM on water alone. Around 3 PM (first pangs of hunger), I leave work to grab a fast food lunch (often a "healthy" option, but fast food nonetheless) and then head home around 6 PM. I skip dinner telling myself I'm only going to eat again later anyway, which of course I do. Sugary cereals, cookies, peanut butter sandwiches, leftover pizza -- whatever is quick and easy. Full circle.
I don't necessarily believe this WOE is right for everyone, but as a "carbaholic" it is the only option for me, although I often try to convince myself otherwise. I can not eat a standard portion of anything sweet or doughy without craving more. Even eating a sweet piece of fruit can trigger a desire for more sugar!
I HATE that society still frowns on the low carb lifestyle even though there are more food options available to us then ever before. I HATE that I have friends and family who don't have the problems I have, and don't understand why I don't simply eat less. I HATE that no matter how successful I can be at this WOE, there will always be some situation where I will be challenged, and I especially HATE that in many of those situations I have failed in the past.
As a result, I have put off the need to return to this WOE because I'm tired of failing. But the fact is that I either need a new wardrobe (and a better life insurance option), or the resolve to stick to a program that has proven effective in the past. My hope is that the latter choice wins out, and that I can retain some memory of what "today" is like to reflect on when temptation inevitably works it's way back into my life.
EDIT: Apologies for the "woe is me" intro, but I had to get rid of the baggage. I plan to bookmark this entry and look back on it every few weeks (days?!) in hopes it will keep me committed to staying on plan.
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