Yesterday seems like a whirl wind and it was while I was gone that things come to mind. Before I left hubby got out of bed ( amazing since he usually has to sleep till 2 in the afternoon cause the little one gets off the bus till then) and I looked at him as if he was crazy and out of place. I gave it to him with both barrels blazing about his missing work. I didn't offer to get him anything but did offer to cook him some toast as I was cooking for the kids. I gave him the cold shoulder while I was there. He told me what he did and I told him he needed to stay out of the bed and get busy. So he would get to feeling better. Well I worked on the mower and took off the part I needed to go get replacement.
When he is actually at his best he does an Awesome job but when he isnt he is like a bag of taters. And as about as useful. I was short and rude with him and didn't give into his whinning at all. I showed him I didn't need him and that always scares him. I wasn't scaring him I just had an agenda and he either got with me or he didn't. I had made up my mind that I had things I needed to do and he could either help or he could fix the big mess when I got through so he helped.
Then went to start to leave and I had a flat so he had to fix that.

After that I left. In search of the gas filter and fridge cleaner.
And doing some major thinking. I looked at some houses on line and sat at the resturant drank some sweet and low tea. Found some cute houses that looked promising and booked marked them. They were in a different town.

While getting gas is when it happened. I was reminded of my promise, a promise I made. I made a promise to this sap of a man, that at the time was not a sap, I made a promise to God. For better or worse, Richer or poorer, you know the one. So after talking to a man that his wife left him after 24 years and for the same reasons that I wanted to leave. The words come out of my own mouth. Wasn't nothing anyone said. It was me.

When I got back in the car I thanked God for his answer.

While I was out I got one of the Rotisery Chickens and ate what I wanted and had my diet coke.

When I returned home I didn't talk to him and I fixed the mower. He come out with pliers in his hand to fix mower and said you are quick an d I told him I was determined and that I didn't need him. I was that away with him all the rest of the day. But I was nice. I didn't wait on him or take care of him, he took care of himself. Amazingly he did an excellent job. I managed to wrap the remaining dog lead in the riding mower and we got it up the ramps and he came out and fixed it. Even with me protesting that when it cooled off I would take care of it (secretly hoping he would since he knew he was in trouble) and he did it with out me. He even managed to try to carry a conversation with me but I kept my side short and to the point.

I will leave him one day but for now I am going to stay put. The fact is even under dire stress I stayed on my eating plan and each time I get stressed out I manage to stay now lets see if I can keep this direction.

Thanks for letting me blow off steam. I know in the long run here is not where I will be but I have to work out some things before I get to the point. I did find some houses so that is a starting point.